Chant the name of God day in and day out. That alone will protect you at all times. Just as air is all pervasive, God is present in you, with you, around you, below you, above you. Hence, be in constant communion with Divinity. When you develop faith in Divinity, you will naturally have unity. Consequently, there will be no scope for enmity. You need not perform any rituals in order to win the grace of God. It is enough if you do namasmarana (chant the Divine Name) from the depth of your heart. Hari Bhajana bina sukha shanti nahi… (You cannot attain peace and happiness without singing the glory of God). If you incessantly chant the divine name 'Rama', no harm can ever befall you. Do not fritter away this opportunity but put it to the best use. Remember that God is always with you wherever you are.
Baba (thought for the day)
How do we feel about that first sentence, but here at work and also at home there is no way I can chant the name of God day in and out. So for me it is the question how to understand it. Even if I would try, it would not work out.
Listening to Baba's words what comes in my mind are some old saints walking around chanting and singing and praising the name of the Lord all day and it was kind of like that with the Hare Krishnas, they were singing Kirtans and dancing in the streets and for it was a challenge to be part of it and to stand on the street and sing and dance and I was not very happy about it. I didn't like to be the object of curiosity for all passing by people and to stand up to it in that obvious way. In Paris it was easier, because nobody knew me probably and it was Paris and not my hometown and Paris is beautiful and we got like that another sight of the city than if we are just a tourist.
It was hard and I had the feeling I would like more discretion and less openly demonstrating what had to do with believe and internal affairs and I was not used to that at all and I didn't get the taste for it. Our discussion when I had been younger turned around another theme, it was the question if God exists at all and not if we want to sing and show our ecstasy openly in the streets. And it was not the question if I wanted to do it, but they told us to do it and that felt even more awkward because we were expected to obey and to jump if they said jump and to stay if they said stay.
It is really a question how much we can take of that dancing and singing Kirtans and God's name on the street. Going in direction of the higher self was in my own self only and not in the open, nobody got aware of it and as finally I had that experience and I had to somehow understand it, because I knew it was all we want, it is in the nature of the higher self to be such that we don't want anything else anymore, but nevertheless, it had no form and no name and it was light and it had definitely no body and therefore, I wanted it, but the question is how to get there and how had it been there already in the insight just by watching and waiting until it was there.
With other words I didn't know what it was at that time, but today I know that it was about a testified experience, that experience had to testify a master who knows the higher self and has realized it. So it was not about going on the streets dancing and singing happily about the name of God, that was another matter. So I did it in watching all the obstacles coming up in my mind and it was all about for and against it and what made me think finally that the higher self was an inside experience, and I should look for it more at the inside.
It didn't make sense anymore after a while, because I couldn't imagine that it would testify the experience with my own higher self in dancing in the streets.
So I had my difficulties to walk around like a spiritual hippie either in Sari or in long dresses and shawls around the shoulders singing and dancing, nevertheless, it was part of it. Jappa was also chanting the name, it goes around the mala 108 times and that 18 times, that took about one and a half hour and that in the morning and in the evening.
Chant the name of God day in and day out. That alone will protect you at all times. Just as air is all pervasive, God is present in you, with you, around you, below you, above you. Hence, be in constant communion with Divinity. When you develop faith in Divinity, you will naturally have unity. Consequently, there will be no scope for enmity.
I didn't really feel protected, but rather exposed. My family was in shock when they heard that I was with the Hare Krishnas and tried to get me out of it. It also didn't feel like no enemies, it was unusual and they thought I was the victim of a sect.
It was more the question if I had lost my mind and of no use trying to tell that I had been watching and anyhow nobody wanted to know and nobody was there who was listening. So it all went on unnoticed and when the higher self appeared in my dream it was only my experience and there was nobody I could share it with and even less it was testified by someone, but it had to be, because it didn't make sense that it was there and no doubt it always had been there and nobody was aware of it. I knew I had to find a spiritual master who would be able to tell me more about it. As it was not a testified experience it was all what I wanted, but I didn't really know why. There was no feeling about right or wrong, it was beyond it. And only now in thinking over Baba's words I actually got aware that it happened what I had been looking for nearly all my life, in the reflection of the meaning of his words it begins to make sense and by that it becomes a testified experience.
Baba is the man who is in our dreams to awake us and he said in the dream, 'I am the insight and I am the following step'. So he was that insight and first we have to make the insight and he is also the following step and that means we have to find a way to make it testified experience.
Without listening and thinking over Baba's words it was not possible to get that experience testified and there was nobody who was telling us about it, we just had to go on and hope we would get there after some time.
I had been looking for it already in my twenties and what I am doing now is in thinking it over and telling the story again and again in that light it gets clearer and 'testified', it means it makes sense finally.
If there is an experience with the higher self, but no master to testify it, there will be no right answer and it will never be our experience really. It is not understood and absorbed if we don't find it reflected in the words of the master. And to get there we have to listen, think it over and absorb. So I knew I needed a spiritual master and I also knew that the Maharishi was in the Swiss mountains and in Seelisberg and I went inside with mediation in the hope I would have the chance to get closer to him.
I began with mediation going inside and closer to the higher self and that felt real good and positive and I liked that meditation very much. It was with closed eyes just sitting and repeating the mantra in the silence of the mind and when we went into the siddhis program it felt like we got wings and we were able to fly. I was no more in Paris and to get my stuff I went with my younger brother with the father's car to Paris and afterwards we drove in the south and to Bordeaux and visited Jean-Luc and his mother invited us to stay a few days. It was a great time and things seemed to fall in place.
We got aware of the amount of energy we had due to meditation and in driving back I just rested for about an half an hour and I meditated and afterwards we drove on until we arrived at home, there was no need for sleep. I couldn't do that today anymore, but at that time it was incredible. Also when we arrived in Bordeaux and we had never been before in Bordeaux, there was a street and it was around a church and I parked the car and asked someone for the address of the center and we didn't believe it but it was in the next street a minute from where we parked the car. It was all like a miracle and like things just fell in place. We had a great time; it was that much fun I actually thought that we were really lucky to have had that meditation technique and to be able to go on like that and to make all those great experiences. I took my younger brother with me to get him out of the pressure he lived in with the parents. I intended to do the TM-teacher's course as they said that it was more about knowledge and I was looking for it thinking that knowledge would maybe be able to testify the experience with the higher self. I began also to go to Seelisberg and we had the possibility to attend some lectures with the Maharishi. And finally I went on that course and I still hoped that by that the self experience would be explained or testified. During that course we learnt a lot by heart and we listened to tapes and scientific research what was all based on testifying about the truth with the absolute being and non-changing real of consciousness, we used the meditation to get the right experience and the research on the scientific level was testifying it.
As the Maharishi was holding lectures, it was possible to ask questions sometimes with the microphone, but it was also not and I noticed that it was not that easy to get closer to a spiritual master. After one lecture it was during the teacher's training course I took the microphone and asked him about the difference of Brahman and the higher self. During the course there had been hardly any talk about the higher self. As it was that difficult to get near a spiritual master I had to take the chance when it was possible. And he explained it on the scientific level, but it felt like I didn't listen really, I wanted something else. My heart expected another answer and when he had ended it I told him because I was frustrated to still not get there, that I felt just like going on and on. At that time it just felt good and today I know it has to do with the reality of non-changing and always true being in the higher self. He nodded and after the course I tried to thank him and he said that it is beyond thanks.
I thought it was all right and great. It was very positive, nobody argued about the technique, we all knew how to meditate and the problems were solved with meditation.
After the training I began to work as meditation teacher. And there had been another charming experience what had to do with accepting truth, that was the higher self and right action going in direction of developing the higher self and we worked for world peace and it ended with the feeling of 'pure' love. That was very charming. We didn't learn about love, but it had been present and I wondered why and only now in listening to Baba we get the answer for it.
As Baba said, if we want to make the experience of pure love, we have to understand peace and we have to accept right action and if we accept the path of right action, we have to accept truth. Only if those three things are present, truth, right action and peace we can make the experience of pure love and with Baba we have those higher qualities as human values: truth, right action, peace, love and non-violence.
As I took after the course the microphone and asked Maharishi about it and there had been that feeling of 'going on and on' and he as I didn't get another answer, I took that for the answer and after I had said that 'I just feel like going on and on' and he nodded, it was confirmed and that is how we get to a testified experience, there was no doubt on my side that it was right.
From now on I went just in direction of 'going on and on' because it felt like the step to the higher self. I began with initiating people and there was a big world peace assembly in Italy and the Maharishi was present and it felt like 'Heaven on earth', that was also testified by his presence.
These were great experiences and in that place in Italy I met the national leader and he wanted us to drive back with him, he intended to visit some center on the way back.
As he told us he had lost his former girl-friend because he wanted to get married and they had asked the Maharishi about it. He was that close to the master, he could to it. And we had no master contact and were amazed by it. The hotel in Seelisberg was like build on the rock and from there we could see down to the lake and the Maharishi had his room in the right tower directly over the rock with his view down into the lake, it was that high and the rock was that steep. It is about 800 m above it and to look down in the lake is an amazing place and just underneath is the historical place of the Ruetli-greenfield, the heart of the country. It was an amazing beautiful place and a very big hotel.
The national leader has asked the Maharishi about marrying her and he answered that he would have to work like a bullock if he would get married with her as she had a big ego. Afterwards she left for the big courses they just began at that time. And as she was gone as he had explained he began to call me more often and with him I went to the siddha house in Bale. It was interesting as I was a new TM-teacher and he was an old meditator. I thought I could only learn from it and 'going on and on' there was no reason why I should not go in that direction.
But one day that lady came back from the big course and she came right to us and said that she know now that he was the right one for her. There was a meeting I didn't attend and after that they offered me an assistance place at the TM-teacher's training and thinking I could learn from it and it went still in direction of 'on and on' I went for it and gave her more room like that.
I couldn't know that the course would be in Seelisberg, it means we were behind locked doors and about everybody was talking about it and that changed the situation. It felt awful. She was on a parallel course and I had to go on and on and couldn't get away from it and it was an awful strain all those people constantly talking about it. She said it was checked again with the Maharishi and I said, great. I was no more interested in him, but it put me under pressure. It was no more joyful and great; it had changed into something else. It was again a no and it didn't make much sense all that and especially not that insight began to change. It was still about the higher self and getting it testified and now it didn't look good anymore and I didn't know how it had changed so fast.
It was beautiful sunshine in the insight the air broke like unseen glass into pieces and the next insight was that the people were puppets on a string and he hand which had made the puppets was not there and finally in the insight all turned into enemies and that was scary. After that course I went back to the center and I hoped everything would get okay again, but it didn't. One day during meditation there was a big black hole in my meditation and the fear to lose the mind or to get sick and the other fear on the body level was that I would die of tiredness. That was the end of it, the black hole showed no higher self level but a black hole, no more trust and the master was not there who could confirm it and therefore, it was impossible to get the insights testified by him.
It was the wrong direction and sometime later I got a Baba book, there was some vibuthi in that book and I took some of the vibuthi when I sat down for meditation and there was a warm feeling and it went from the tongue in direction of the heart and it transformed into love and when it reached the heart it got intensified and there was a small dark blue divine form, the indweller in the heart, God. That was a great insight and it was about Baba and I knew I had to go to him.
In the meantime the insights are no problem anymore, but it took a long time go get the right answer.
So I went to Baba and stayed with Baba, but it was not that easy when coming back everything I had lived for before was gone and at that time it mattered and it took a long time to get it on a normal feeling level again. In the first interview trying to do my best when Baba asked, what do you want? I asked him about the friendship and So Baba asked who the friend was and he asked if the friend was the Maharishi or the friend was with the Maharishi and I didn't know, I thought it was the boyfriend and not the master and that was because the master was not present and it means also the experience could not be testified, it was upside down. The boyfriend felt like friend, but he was not and the master felt like 'criminal' and he was not.
Now it was not only about testifying the experience, it was about understanding the reflection and that was much more difficult still and I didn't know, but Baba said so, he said, that is very difficult to understand, TM is not the right path, just think about God.
There I was with the feeling to understand nothing anymore.
I staid as long as I could, but coming back was tuff and all was gone what had was before and it was really difficult to understand. I had nothing left but my luggage in the basement of someone I had initiated if he would not have taken it to him, that would also have been gone. It went all to Seelisberg and there it was gone forever. That was the other side of it I had not seen before.
As it never felt okay again and he said it was difficult to understand, I went on trying to make sense out of it. Whenever possible I went to Baba and there were more experiences and it didn't make sense. I went on with Baba in the insight and one day I met a guy from New York and he said that he mediates and he was with Sai Baba. He was sure I was the wife Baba gave him as he had asked for it and I went ahead, it seemed a way out of that dilemma of being forced to wait and not getting answers. He said he knew in the moment when he was initiated that he would do it for all his life and that sounded good, the only problem was, he never did it and that he said much later and it didn't make sense to me as well, nothing made sense anymore and it was also too much. I had enough I couldn't take additional stuff, it was like, and what are you talking about. It was also not possible to think it over anymore, it just didn't make any sense at all, and why should anyone do that? It was kind of too much. It began to feel like 'nothing made sense anymore' not that relationship and not that before and here I was going on and I wondered where.
What had happened and when did it begin? What was wrong and what was right? When Baba was in my dream with vampire teeth we had been already a few years in a relationship and it was strange, but I had no feeling for it, it was like – again one of those insights and no answers and nothing made sense. He also told me in the insight that I had a nervous breakdown, so what? What was a nervous breakdown and it didn't feel good and I had constantly people committing suicide in my dreams and it was not possible to get out of it and not possible to go on and it was not possible to talk to him and when I tried he had only an excuse and it didn't make sense.
In the meantime it looks different and the vampire seems to have to do with the meditation practice and I went on meditating and they always warned us that other who doesn't meditate can take energy. We were used to solve our problems with meditation and he was just arguing and I could see how the energy went down and he didn't stop until the energy went down. It felt like living with a cannibal or a monster. I went on meditating, but I had no idea how much it began to load and how heavy it was and more insights and no meaning, no answer, it didn't make sense. The nervous breakdown didn't feel good and as I had to take care of the daughter, I couldn't allow myself to get ruined as it was in the dream. Baba was in his dream telling him that I had to come to him and make peace with him and of course that was an opportunity for him to blame to accuse and to insult as he usually did and I didn't say anything anymore, it was that ridiculous. Who was that stupid that he had to go and make peace with Baba?
I wondered how I got into that and glad when the airplane was in the air and we were on the way to Baba, first we went to visit my parents we had not seen for a long time.
During that stay Baba he said in the insight, he is the man who is in our dream to awake us, he said, 'you didn't listen, you have to get a divorce' and I thought, why did I not listen? And he said 'perverted' and I thought, what is perverted? And he said to the daughter in her dream that her father was stupid and that he is destroying himself and if she is going back to him, he will destroy her too and it was final. I didn't call him as he was never talking anyhow and I didn't want to be distracted by him and to go for a wrong conclusion. I had to take an important decision.
We had a beautiful time with Baba and afterwards in Prasanthi Nilayam he was holding every day speeches and I sat with another mother and the kids in front of the hall, they played with dolls and we were listening to the loudspeakers and that is when I realized that he always talked about the 'I am that' and I began to think, 'not this and not that', because I had to get to 'that' beyond body and form somehow.
So we didn't go back to her father and nothing really came back, as often as I wrote, probably more than a hundred times that Baba said, 'we didn't listen and we had to get a divorce' the only feedback I got once was that he would take the path of least effort and that is how I got aware that he was not at all interested in what Baba said, it was only about his own thing and he didn't listen as often as I tried it was all in vain. That is how I got aware of it only after we had left, because it didn't feel okay, but we didn't know what it was.
We went to Baba when the daughter had to choose the school and that is when I had the divorce agreement with me and he signed it in Baba's presence if that would not have happened we would until today not be divorced. He didn't listen and he went on not listening, I talked to a wall and I got used to it.
A year before Baba left the body he began to be in the dream more often and he said 'use my words' and so I began to think it over and by that it began to make sense.
Chant the name of God day in and day out. That alone will protect you at all times. Just as air is all pervasive, God is present in you, with you, around you, below you, above you. Hence, be in constant communion with Divinity. When you develop faith in Divinity, you will naturally have unity. Consequently, there will be no scope for enmity.
If we listen, think it over and absorb we get aware that he is present in his words and around us. If I would not write it down I wouldn't get aware of it as I do by writing it down.
You need not perform any rituals in order to win the grace of God. It is enough if you do namasmarana (chant the Divine Name) from the depth of your heart.
Namasmarana is the repetition of the mantra or the divine name and as Baba said all mantras are okay. For us it means 'meditation' the way we know it, but in the relationship to the higher self or God we have to sing.
Hari Bhajana bina sukha shanti nahi… (You cannot attain peace and happiness without singing the glory of God).
The singing and the meaning in the Bhajan Hare Bhajana bina … is the teaching Baba here refers to, the heart needs attention and in singing together we sing for the Lord and there is only one. What it is telling us that we need to sing to praise the Lord and that we can with singing get aware that we are all one and the same higher self and it is not different from the One – the Lord.
If you incessantly chant the divine name 'Rama', no harm can ever befall you. Do not fritter away this opportunity but put it to the best use. Remember that God is always with you wherever you are.
So we went on with meditation and that is as Baba said, all mantras are okay, no need to change mantra if we have already one.
Do not fritter away this opportunity but put it to the best use. Remember that God is always with you wherever you are.
That is how we get to an experience that is testified and there are not only pictures in the air without meaning, but now they got alive. Finally so many experiences had to be confirmed by the words of the master. Without listening to his words it is not be possible. Only if we listen and think it over we will get the reflection of our own inner sight in his words. It is all based on reflection as he is telling us Atma reacts, reflects and resounds.
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