People suffer because they have all kinds of unreasonable desires and they pine to fulfill them and they fail. They attach too much value to the objective world. It is only when attachment increases that you suffer pain and grief. If you look upon Nature and all created objects with the insight derived from the Inner Vision, then attachment will slide away, though effort will remain; you will also see everything much clearer and with a glow suffused with Divinity and splendor. Close your external eyes and open your inner eyes - What a grand picture of essential unity you get? Attachment to Nature has limits, but the attachment you develop to the Lord when your inner eye opens, has no limit. Enjoy that reality, not this false picture.
Baba
We had study circle last night. It was the highlight. We had great questions and listening to Baba's words we first went around the circle and afterwards we were just like sitting together talking about it and enjoying.
Baba explains if we want to make the experience of pure love, we have to understand peace and if we want to understand peace, we have to accept the path of right action and if we accept the path of right action, we have to accept the path of truth.
That kept us busy and in the circle.
We always got back to it that we have to accept truth, whatever the truth and if it is not okay, to accept the path of right action means we have to act accordingly.
There was a Christmas play some years ago and I tried to go into that and I did it even if it felt awful to me, I got back after those rehearsals with headache and tired and I just tried to do it for the experience of it. There was loud discussion and arguing about the roles and it was a low level of socializing I didn't understand it.
What had it to do with truth and a Sai group and because people liked it, they went on with it, next year again. And I said to myself, never again. About everything they did was on that outer socializing level and it was that painful and I tried in vain to feel good in it. One night Baba was in the inner vision and said, 'it is passion, stay alone'.
It was not possible to find Baba in that and it turned out to be pain. One of the organizers tried to force me into it in giving me a task I didn't want. It was not the level of right action to go for it and to do it, as it said in the inner view that it was passion and to stay alone, we had to accept first that as truth that it was passion and afterwards it was the question how to stay alone and that was the level of right action.
If they would have let us alone it would have been possible to be present, but they didn't let me alone and there was no choice than to stay alone, but to stay in distance.
As it had been a year before, the attitude that everybody should share it and that was the level of family and didn't allow to stay alone, therefore, we had to accept that we had to stay alone and could not participate.
If we accept the path of truth, the inner vision and it was passion and we had to stay alone, it means sathva, alone and we have to accept truth and that it is not sathvic what they are doing and therefore, not the right level. We had to stay away, what he didn't like, the organizers are full of passion.
The passion in the group was strong so that everybody got somehow taken in and it was seen as family, family level and to me it felt like nausea to be part of that.
Truth is Sathva only and not Rajas. And it was not possible to feel Baba's presence, therefore, we had to accept the path of right action if we like it or not, we had to stay alone and in distance.
I was looking for Baba and couldn't find him and that was that painful.
There were those meetings with loud discussions on the level of socializing and it said that Baba should be in it, but where was he?
One person seemed to talk louder than the other one. It was also on the level of passion.
The study circle is not on the level of passion, if it is a circle, it will not be on the level of passion.
My ex had a Baba dream and he said to him that I had to come to him to make peace with him. He interpreted it on the mind level it sounded like I had to go and make peace with Baba. That was strange. Thinking it over we get more into details and it gets clearer.
If it is about accepting truth, we have to understand peace and he was never peaceful, he liked to argue and he argued about everything and he liked to blame me for all his stuff that felt like a kind of pass time or hobby of him, 'blame her for it', that was the name of the game. If we have to accept truth and it was about understanding peace and he never was in peace, but he liked to argue, to be able to argue he blamed me for about everything, that was easier and he could argue as much as he wanted. If something went wrong or not wrong, whatever, I had to take the blame for it, for every breath he made, because if you do it once you have to do it always that was his way of thinking.
There was no peace and no interest in understating peace it didn't serve him to live in peace, he wanted to argue.
In the Baba dream Baba told me to go and make peace with Baba and it didn't make sense. It was a lesson and a Baba call and full of joy if it would not have been in his mind me who had to take the blame for his arguing.
So it was better to not show him how much joy it was to go and see Baba, in his mind I had to take the blame for it, he was now used to it that he forgot that it was his doing and Baba had even said to him in the inner vision in his dream, give, give, give, I will not give, you lived a dream that is your problem not mine. He got in trouble with Baba and he didn't notice it. I guess it was also the result that he was harassing more and more and he began to constantly abuse and blame me for everything.
He was destructive, perverted and sick. I had to take the blamed for it just for the fun of habit as he said if we do it once, we have to do it always. And in that dream he felt like Baba was degraded to his buddy as he said with his boss that he was his friend, now Baba felt like his pal and he helped him to see me as scapegoat, when in reality it was his sickness and his destructiveness and his problem.
We have to accept truth and understand it in the inner vision, it is a different way of making sense and difficult, in the sense that it has to be thought over and it has to be seen in our own life.
There is an effort involved to get there.
Mere reading of spiritual texts is not enough. You may master all the commentaries and you may be able to argue and discuss with great scholars about these texts; but without attempting to practice what they teach, it is a waste of time. I never approve of book-learning; practice is what I evaluate. When you come out of the examination hall you know whether you will pass or not, is it not? For you can yourself judge whether you have answered well or not. So too in sadhana (spiritual effort) or in conduct or in practice, each of you can judge and ascertain the success or failure that is in store. The moon is reflected in a pot, provided it has water; so too the Lord can be clearly seen in your heart, provided you have the water of Love (Prema). When you don't see the Lord reflected in your heart, do not say that there is no Lord; it only means that there is no Love within you.
Yesterday was the question coming up why difficult and I asked what is easy about it?
Everybody always tells it is difficult and Baba himself said it is very difficult to understand, but what is it that makes it difficult?
His way of seeing it was all upside down and Tamas. It makes out of a vice a virtue and that is what he did. He was the one who was constantly arguing and he looked at himself as good and in his mind I had to go and make peace. The level was sick, it was a shock to be on such a level.
Peace with Baba is on the understanding level, spiritual level and I had no reason to go on the mind level and make peace with Baba, but in his mind it was his thinking pattern, it sounded like, always blame the others for it so you don't have to do it and take the blame on yourself.
If you do it once you do it always, that was his way of thinking and probably also why in his sick mind he got to the conclusion that he would do TM always after he had been initiated, that was once and once was like always, no matter if it is true or not. He was thinking in habits and not in truth.
So it was the same with his job, he did it once it was for always and he saw himself already as rich and wealthy like his former boss, what is absurd.
If we accept the path of truth, we have to accept the path of right action.
But he was not on the path of truth, and the peace thing was his problem and not mine and when he put it on me and he stayed in the US our of fear it could get in the open that it was his problem and not mine probably, could be, but his mind was to disturbed it was to bothersome to think about it, whatever the reason, I was glad he didn't think of it to go with us to Baba.
We got the flight and prepared to go, and he went on talking strange about it and one day he had another Baba dream and Baba told me in his dream to go back to my lovely husband.
As we have to accept truth, it was what he would have liked to be, but he was really everything else and not that lovely husband, no lovely husband would have done what he did in his pattern of habits and inflexible in his mind. He went once into a fight with a devotee. She wanted us to take over her school and he probably never was interested in it, so he got into a fight with her an came back and said to me, 'what have you done, he sounded like a fool to me'. He felt more like a lunatic, for sure not lovely.
It was not clear what was going on in his mind, he functioned in patterns, habits, always the same way even he wrote the same letter and the same way.
Nothing what he ever said was about truth. In fact he didn't accept the path of truth, he lived his own truth and he put everything upside down, it was all Tamas. The only thing in his mind was repetition, he always did the same thing every morning and every day and he was not able to change when it was once established.
I had to look after the child and I tried for her to make the best out of it and I thought that I better learn the lesson, so I don't have to learn it afterwards again.
Nothing what he had ever said had to do with truth, he always turned it around and blamed me at his place, so in his logic he didn't have to take the blame if he did it once it was for always that made life for him easier and why Baba was in the insight a vampire, but it was a scary truth to accept.
So I had to go and make peace with Baba and he interpreted it a funny way which didn't make sense. It was Baba and that was sure and what we had lived before was something else and I had still to find out.
He was like day dreaming and building castles in the air, but on the other hand he was abusive and dangerous, he felt like a psycho and he had no scruple to destroy other peoples lives talking us into something and every word had been untrue, he had no feeling of responsibility and sometimes it was in the air that danger.
For the sake of the child I didn't go into his arguing and if I was thinking of going into it that felt dangerous. Once in the ashram he hit with a metal pot on my head and he hardly stopped and I could be glad we survived it and I didn't know what to do after that and I had a Baba dream, he transformed into a prince and I married that prince and that is what I was waiting for afterwards. It was on the level of inner vision and when we went back to him in a Darshan there was the prince and in that moment I was back or he felt like present again. After that hitting he was no more present, he was projected into the future when he would be present again, because there was no way out of that situation in India and with a small child.
That was the kind of lovely husband ... and he was really everything but not lovely and he was really not in a state of love and that is also what Baba said in the inner vision.
Nothing like we had lived before, we have to accept the path of truth, but for him there is no truth, also not now it has not changed. He still goes on blaming me for everything he did. He is still on the vampire level. I don't want to even think that he called me his wife, I think he was a sick guy and not normal and as Baba said, he took only advantage of it. He was like cold blooded and calculating and that was expressed in the inner vision when Baba was present as a vampire with long teeth and he had two faces the other was a very long nose.
It made me aware of the hidden truth behind it, what I didn't see and didn't understand and we would have to accept and what didn't look good at all. I was in the grip of a vampire and the guy with the long nose is also a demon.
I was mostly living with my daughter and began to live in my own world listening to tapes, an oracle we had met in Oregon. I didn't hear it what he said as it was always bullshit as I called it usually. He always had something to blame or to find faults with or to argue, he was sick and I guess we had no idea how sick he really was, it is as close to reality we get. It is the tendency of the Rogi, that is a diseased mind and Baba said to him that his health was not okay. He didn't change and a Rogi is not able to change.
As he said to me that I had to go and make peace with Baba, he forgot to mention that I had to go at his place, because he was the one arguing and finding faults.
It felt strange the way he looked at it to make peace with Baba, real sick and real strange and perverted. We had to accept right action but first we have to accept the path of truth and if we have accept it, we have to accept the right action.
Only in his mind it had nothing to do with truth, otherwise, he would not have put the blame on others and he was always destructive and blaming.
He was too disturbing on the level of peace and I was glad he didn't think of coming with us to Baba. I was glad I didn't have to go with him and it was great to go to Baba, no matter what and he could put on me whatever he wanted, I just wanted to go back to Baba and to get out of it whatever that was.
That sick idea of marriage to be with such a guy, how awful. I wondered why anyone would ever want to get married, if that was the normal state of it.
When he had that fight with the other devotee etc., he said to me, what have you done and he listened like a fool. Always the same and always on the level of abuse, we felt more or less like a garbage bin and that after having been a TM-teacher, it was really hard to accept that as truth.
I went to Baba because I didn't know why there were only pieces left and the leader was an actor and the master not present and it was upside down.
By going to Sai Baba I stepped in a sense fully into shit.
To accept that he was sick, he was perverted, he was hateful and nasty, always arguing, nagging around, always finding faults, never happy but that feels like his state of mind now, it is the result of a diseased mind.
Always arguing he got used to blame me for it and as he said once always - he had done it once in his mind it was now for always, he was nuts.
So I had to take the blame for him, as it was now on the level of always for everything anyhow, I had to be the one who had to take all the faults in his sick life.
As he was quite non-stop harassing that peace thing, it was also my problem, because he said so, once always - it was impossible to live in peace with that guy and he wanted me to go and work for him, once always, that was the solution, wasn't it. He wanted to sit at home and I should go and earn the money, the easiest way - once always, he was only thinking like that with others and everybody.
Glad to go to Baba for whatever reason, just to go away. Only his mind state made no sense. It was a Baba call, what he had no notion about, does that exist a Baba call?
But I noticed that I should not show him how I really felt, I had somehow be full of sorrow because I had to make peace and that was serious business.
I was tired of it, I usually answered only to get out of it somehow, that Baba will find a way. Before we left there was one more dream. It had to do with a blue light or a blue person and it had to do with truth, another way of truth. It had to do with the level of truth, in the inner vision he said that if the light is light blue it is okay to go on.
We went to Baba and had some months in his presence, and after some time it was clear we would not go back.
I also didn't call him, there was nothing to tell, what should there be interesting about his way of sharing, do it once, do it always? And I didn't want to hear his voice anymore, I didn't want to be disturbed in making peace. I had to accept right action and I didn't want to be disturbed by his mind state.
We had to accept truth that it was not like he would have liked it to be and that his attitude and behavior was on a different level that he thought it was, it was all wish fulfilling thinking. Baba said to him in the inner vision, 'give, give, give, I will not give, you lived a dream, that is your problem not mine'.
It didn't sound good and I had to accept the truth that behind that Baba Lila from before, was something else and as it seemed an abyss of untruth and it was also in the inner vision, that we had to accept it and that was not at all easy to accept.
It was like everything came up what had not been clear in the past and most of all with my family and it all had to do with accepting truth.
When I met him he said that he had been initiated into TM and that he was a meditator and he never did it, he got to that conclusion in his sick mind because once is for him always, he functions in habits.
He said when he was initiated he knew he would always do it, he used the words in such a way that we had to get to the conclusion that he did it.
But after some time after I lived in that idea that he was someone else and not the guy he really was, he said that he actually never did it.
It made no sense to me at all, it was like 'what the hell is he talking about?' I didn't even realize that it was about untruth. I just didn't understand it. It made no sense. It was not possible on untruth to build up a future.
As we have to accept truth, he was on the level of untruth and there was no right action so we had to change it, but he didn't know that.
I thought we were on different levels the same and that same impression he wanted to make on his former boss. He was living in his room and that is what he wanted and therefore, he was always into meditation, even though he never did it.
TM is a technique and it means we meditate regularly.
He was a VIP and driving in Baba's car and with Baba flying in the airplane etc. And he also had been with TM and paid for the TM initiation and as we have to accept the truth that he did it and said it like that because of his former boss, he wanted to look spiritual, not because he was it, but he hoped to get rich by that and to get his job back. He said he was retired and he would start to work again with his boss and friend, he always called him friend always, once for always and after he would start business again.
He had for some legal reason stopped his business, because he didn't want to be sued as he said.
We were in the ashram with Baba and I was focused on him and it was like a side dish and his story and not the main dish in Baba's presence.
And now I had to accept the truth that it was all based on untruth.
His former boss was not his friend and he was in that room for whatever reason, he had not said the truth about meditation because of him because he wanted to appear like a spiritual brother and he hopped by that to get his job back.
Whatever he wanted and he did it once, he put it on always and that it should go on like that as it began and as it was about being rich and money and nothing else in his mind, he was the most boring person we can think of.
We had not to worry and he would be a wonderful husband, the lovely husband in his dream Baba sent me back to and he was a rather a psycho, going with him to the US based on that was about the most foolish thing that I can think off. He said we could stay with Baba in the ashram and whatever, everything was possible in his mind. I would have liked to stay with Baba in the ashram and behind it he could talk about everything I didn't noticed it.
We had to accept the path of truth. Nothing made sense until I got in the inner vision closer to it and that is how we got aware why he said that he did TM when in reality he never did it. First it was not paid by him, but by his boss and second he hoped to get his job back and that way he got the room of his former boss, who sent him, the spiritual person and brothers on many levels to Baba, because he was such a spiritual guy and in reality it was all to deceive and to take advantage of it.
I was talking always about truth and he said to everything yes and only much later he said to me that he never meditated. It was like, 'what is he talking about?' I didn't get it, because it didn't make sense and all based on that level that we had the same background. In the ashram were lots of different people and somehow he seemed the same, because mediation is for all the same.
In the TM introduction we talk about the mental potential and right behavior and health and after world peace, if we get the message, we have to use more of our mental potential to get to right action and to be healthier and it takes care of world peace and we have to meditate.
Baba said that we first have to understand peace, but it is not about the mental potential, it is about 'love'.
If we understand that peace depends on people using more of their mental potential, we go into mediation and do the best for the world, that is the message.
If we have to accept truth it is no choice, we have to accept it as it is and therefore, we do Sadhana and accept right action. Now someone who starts with untruth has by insights later to accept that it was no right action, there is a connection between truth and right action.
The text in the study circle was great. Accepting the path of right action is necessary if we want to understand peace and without truth, right action and peace we cannot make the experience of pure love.
With meditation it was about the mental potential. It is different when it is about pure love, we have to connect the unlimited tank of divine Grace with the water taps and divinity takes care of it.
In our circle we always got back to truth and that it has to be accepted, that was the main issue, that it has to be accepted, no choice about it, but to accept what is.
It said in the inner vision, 'that we didn't listen and we have to get a divorce' that has to do with accepting the path of right action and truth, because we didn't listen and it again had to be understood. And also the connection to right action was missing and not truth as well, how could that happen? Only seven years later in Baba's presence he signed the agreement and nothing made sense anymore and least of all how it had happened. The illusion was the thought that we were the same on many levels and that was the same with his boss.
After a seemingly endless time of seven years he finally signed it and it felt like he did everything he could to be a bother and he was not listening to Baba, he didn't hear that we have to accept truth, he didn't hear that we have to accept right action and he didn't hear that it is about understanding peace to get to that experience of love.
It was like running against a wall.
He turned out to be only a bother and afterwards I went to the center and there was only passion and I couldn't find Baba.
How did I get in that relationship in the presence of Sai Baba, I got scared.
It was like I had been on a level where everything seemed great and beautiful and it made it impossible to see the way it really was.
He could tell us what he wanted and we didn't notice it. And he did it with his boss first and I was somehow in the shadow of what had happened with his boss, it was like a mirror.
It seemed just incredible that it happened in Baba's presence and that we should be part of that. In the insight Baba was looking like a vampire with long sharp teeth and he had two faces the second face had a very long nose.
Accepting truth means getting aware that he took only advantage as Baba said in the inner vision and that means he was only telling lies and that in Baba's presence and if we have to accept right action it means, we had to get a divorce. It could not get okay, there was no use and it didn't work and got worse as time went by.
We have to accept that we cannot just ignore it if it is about not right action, we have no choice, we have to accept it and right action is what needs to be done.
People were telling experiences and thoughts about it and we were talking freely together in the end sitting together, everybody enjoying the circle.
First we began as always and it ended in just talking together enjoying the wisdom and the knowledge it was an incredible good feeling.
It was followed by Bhajans, but the highlight was the study circle.
We tried to find if Atman could be seen as absolute and not relative and how we had to understand it and we didn't get to the 'I am that', the Atmic principle.
If we see Atman as non-conceptual and not relative, not part of the created objects, it is just what is left after we take everything relative or conceptual away, there is the universal I, the awakening in the heart, Lord Shiva and consciousness, the being level and the that, 'pure love', it cannot be transcended.
It was an opportunity to talk about listening, think it over and absorb, what is for us essential to find the Atma level in our own self and our own heart.
Right action is to do Sadhana, sit and meditate, a way to solve our problems and how we understand peace, not burdening others. With meditation we can get better health and peace, we solve our problems and it goes a step further and if we meditate together we purify consciousness. On that level are no limitations, therefore, we purify consciousness on an unlimited level and if more people are doing Sadhana or meditate together, bigger is the effect on world consciousness.
I needed some time to understand how Baba took care of it, because he said always 'love', God can only be reached with pure love.
He explained that we have the tank of God's grace and the devotees and they look like water taps, the water can only flow if we can make the connection to that tank of God's grace. God is love. He can only be connected to the water taps with 'pure love', therefore, we have to experience that 'pure love' to be able to connect to the tank of God's grace. And the message is, if God's grace is flowing, the world will be okay, he takes care of it.
How do we get to the experience of 'pure love'?
We are grateful because the water was flowing from the water taps due to Baba's presence. He connects us all with the tank of infinite Grace of divinity. Since he has left the body, we have to experience that 'pure love' by our own spiritual effort.
It is only possible by practicing.
The objective created world is the mind, we go only beyond it to experience of Atma in the heart if we practice. It is not enough telling that we thought we will do it all our life, but we never did it. It doesn't make sense, either we do it or we don't do it.
Meditation is transcending the mind. It is done by practice. We cannot only think about it, it has to be real and it has to be practiced. Understanding peace means we have to know that it cannot lead to peace if there is no right action.
We have to think it over and see it in our own life to be able to absorb, it is a must.
In the word 'acceptance' is not choice.
Baba is the Avatar who came to uphold Dharma, right action. How can we go to Baba based on not right action?
Peace and right action and truth are directly related and when those three things are present, we can get the experience of 'pure love'.
There was a lady and she said, 'yes, and that is what I want'. In the inner vision it was different, he said, 'I am hungry and you' and at that time I didn't know that it was about 'love' and another lady said, 'I am hungry.' Now we know that it is the hunger for love.
How do we get to the experience of that love?
Last night it was clear that it was not just love, but 'pure love'. Three things have to be present, truth, right action and peace. If there is no truth and no right action and no peace, it destroys the level and possibility of love, there cannot be love. If it is not based on truth, there is no right action and no peace and how could there be love?
It is impossible on that basis of untruth to build up a relationship of love.
Baba said, 'I warn you in that room you will not get the right answer'.
There was no truth, from the very beginning on there was no truth and Baba is an avatar and he is here to lead us from untruth to truth, from darkness to light and from death to immortality.
That is already how he went to him based on untruth.
We talked constantly about truth and he said yes to everything and took still only advantage of it, we accept the truth that it was only about untruth.
He told us that he meditated when in reality he did not do it to give us the feeling that he was one of us to be part of TM-meditation and therefore, he lived in the room of his big boss, he had paid for the course and was a VIP. What do we have to learn from it?
He appeared like a spiritual brother or meditator and on the spiritual path, in reality he took only advantage of it.
It was already perverted when he went there in his mind, it began when he said, he knew he would to it all his life, when he never did it.
He went because he got the room, he would not have gone without the room, it allowed him to share the VIP status and not meditation. Untruth got him the room, that is why Baba said in the inner view, 'I warn you in that room you will not get the right answer'.
The room is that 'attraction' and not Baba, the VIP status was the attraction and not Baba.
He had to uphold the appearance that he was meditating all life, and he never did it.
He said: 'I love you Baba. Baba answered, 'you are really not in a state of love'.
But it is great to have in the study circle a former TM-teacher. He is asking great questions and he said that it is interesting. It took time to understand in the inner vision that purifying world consciousness and going in direction of world peace is the same what Baba tells about pure love, only with pure love we have to make the connection between the tank of God's grace and the water taps and God will take care of it.
The inner vision is not that easy to understand as the answers do not come out of the mind, they come out of Baba's words. We are thinking it over and seeing it in our own life, but he gives the answers. It is impossible that something based on 'untruth' can lead to 'love'. If we see nature and the created objects out of the inner vision, we are able get answers, but we have to get that inner vision first and to get the insights and the right answers to Baba dreams, we have to go on for a while. Baba dreams cannot be understood on the mind and thinking level. We have to turn our vision inside in the heart to get to right answers and that is what makes it difficult and only he can give the answer by listening to his words and in thinking it over and seeing it in our life we get to the insights.
It is not a level we can call processing. If it is about insights, it is him and his words he is giving the answer and the insight, therefore, the insight and the following step is Baba and not the mind.
With TM the air broke in pieces, also something to accept as the path of truth and it said that they are puppets on a string and the hand was not there which should have been there holding them and also that has to be accepted as truth and it went on and all turned into enemies and that has to be accepted as truth and finally there was a big black hole in the meditation, only it was upside down, the leader was no yogi but an actor and because he was at the place of the master and the master not there, there was 'criminal' in the air and it was all inner vision and that had to be understood.
And what was the path of right action we have to accept if we see the path of truth, it tells us that it is not the right path and I tried to understand it, what was impossible to understand and it took time to listen to the inner vision. That is the difficulty about it until we listen to Baba's words and accept the truth that he knows and we don't know.
If we accept that truth, we also accept that we have to listen to his words.
There is nothing to argue about it.
If we have three things present, right action, truth and peace, we can get the experience of 'pure love'. It has to be based on insights and inner vision.
If the Lord is not in the heart and we do not see it in the mirror of the heart, there is just no love.
No comments:
Post a Comment