Never forsake your parents till your last breath. Even if they didn't provide for all you asked and wished, you must love them. Your mother has undergone many hardships for your sake. She nourished you in many ways. Forgetting or ignoring your mother is the worst of sins. Father has worked hard to take care of you and raise you. Never make your parents feel distant from you. Love and respect them at all times. You must satisfy the needs of your parents, using the education they gave you. Their satisfaction will give you infinite joy. Do not believe your friends to be your everything – as long as you have money in your pocket, they are your friends. When you are penniless, most of them will bid goodbye.
Baba (thought for the day)
I began to think that parents are God during the time in Geneva after reading books for Yogananda and after I had tried about everything to find the reason why it felt upside down in my family.
At that time I didn't know Baba yet and I got to the conclusion that whatever I did, it was not good enough and therefore, I decided to see in them God.
As he is the highest and always good, I was convinced that if I see God in them, whatever it might be what didn't work, I could not dothing better but seeing God in them, so from my side I did my best.
I had no interest in going on all life being involved in their problems and whatever that was, what never got clear. It was not possible to talk to them, they always knew better.
During my teens I had a 'good friend' as I thought. It seemed to be at that time. He lived nearby and belonged to our neighborhood and his brothers were also good friends and even my mother liked his parents. He was the oldest of the three sons and we met with the scouts, my father was sponsering the scouts. My brothers and my sister were also with the scouts.
As it is about love and relationship and questions like to whom we belong and who we are, we have to look at our relationships.
At that scout event the neighbor was selling hot cheese, raclette and hot potatoes and I had met him before in the basement of my parent's house. At that time the scouts prepared advent wreaths and sold them to get the profit for a new scout home and my father provided the material and the place for it. They were sold by the scouts and the benefit was for the new home they planned to build.
So I met him in the basement and we talked, but I had to go and do some weekend shopping for my mother and he asked me to bring something back for him. When I came back he had finished and was gone.
That had been during Christmas time, we met again next summer, it was again with the scouts and still the benefit was for their new scout home. My father did a lot from his side to help them to finance that scout home.
When I met him again selling the raclette our conversation continued and it was quite fun and after he began to stand at my window, threw stones at the window and usually I went downstairs and that parents didn't had to know, we went for walks.
We liked those secret meetings, also a reason for it that it was secret. I lived upstairs and the stairs were independent from the living space and therefore, they didn't notice it and most of time they anyhow sat in front of the TV tired from work and were sleeping.
What I thought was a funny at that time to have a nice boy-friend in the neighborhood, turned into something else afterwards. One day he said he wanted to marry a school teacher.
As he lived just opposite the school, that made sense, he wanted to stay in the whereabouts, whoelse would do something like that?
I had at that time no idea what it means in the 'insight' that he has a village consciousness, but it felt like he arranged everything to live in that environment only. There was our street, one end the school the other end the cemetery.
What is a village consciousness and in writing about it we might get a feeling for it, but it takes time, sometimes it seems clear and sometimes not at all. It was one of the first 'insights' I had and I wondered if I ever will be able to understand it.
It was in the dream, it said that he has a 'village consciousness' and I didn't even know who said it, probably the inner master, but at that time I was not yet really aware of the inner master, first it was present during writing a diary and then it was not present later when we did TM. It was all projected in meditation only. But it felt like someone who planned to spend his life in the vicinity of the village.
My father had a business and that didn't allow us to move away, in that sense we must have felt like a pillar in the village surroundings.
He seemed to plan his life accordingly around that room in his mind, school, cemetery and our street, and I didn't get it, how could anyone do something like that? It made no sense, because I would have never done that.
It was strange. How should I know that it was about manipulation?
But that is a lesson of manipulation. Later I tried to figure it out what was wrong, it was constantly in the air, something was, but it was impossible, it didn't make any sense. And my parents were not there and Baba said also years later that I was let down by them.
It was like nobody had ever heart that something like not good neighbors and manipulation was possible.
When I tried to talk with mother, she always said, but what do you have there is nothing.
So when Baba said, that I had been let down by the family it began to make sense.
So whenever I tried to mention that something was wrong or felt wrong or when I only began talking about it, my mother didn't listen and found an excuse, she said there was nothing. They laughed about it or made fun of it. It was impossible to talk about it.
So that went on for years, it didn't change, it got worse, but I had no idea how bad it got.
It felt like an avalanche, it got bigger and bigger and in the end it covered everything.
First it was a nightmare. More I tried to convince myself that there was nothing, worse I felt and it didn't work. My parent's house felt not good anymore, it was constantly disturbed, no home anymore and I didn't know what had happened and time veiled it, it got further away and with time we didn't know anymore what it was, but it was never okay anymore.
Lots of misunderstandings were in the air and it seemed impossible to take care of it.
It was totally upsetting and it was not possible to change it and I didn't know where to look for the fault. Mother blamed always the father, so he had to be the bad guy for everything, when in reality it was her.
Nobody was interested how we felt anyhow.
The neighbors were only good friends during our childhood, also for the brothers it ended and they lost interest, they were too different.
In the ashram in Baba's presence one day it said that 'he is responsible', whatever that meant. It was the first time since I had left that someone said that there was something wrong. It changed everything.
And Baba said in an interview, follow the master, fight to the end, finish the game.
At least now I knew that was not just my mistake that I had funny ideas and problems, but it was someone else.
The whole family said that there is nothing, what do you have?
I looked at that family and shook my head, it was difficult, but it was just not possible to address it. After trying about everything, I decided to see parents as God, so I could do nothing wrong.
With Baba I had to face it on another level, it was the 'insight'-level.
In one 'insight' it was not Baba, but the neighbor and he said, he would come back and marry me. Oh my God, I thought…, why that and how as he was already married for about fifteen years, there was something strange about that.
But it was a Baba Lila and I had to go for it, we find out in doing it.
At that time I met my ex, looking for a wife. I had a Baba interview and had asked a lady in the interview room I had to translate, who I was and to whom I belonged and what our relationship was.
I was just the translator; it felt strange talking about me. I should have been laughing about it, but I couldn't.
I tried to know why he asked it and if someone knew about a similar interview, I didn't get any answer, nobody said 'yes', but my ex and he said not only 'yes', he said that I belonged to him. Normally I would have probably laughed about it in another environment, but not with Baba, it seemed serious. I thought he would help me to get answers to my insights.
But before I went ahead I called the neighbor to ask him why he said that in my dream. That is how I could bring it up and it was possible to talk about it.
He said that he knew nothing about it. I don't think it was an answer, but I went ahead. But later as things were not as it should be, it came up again. Baba is the insight and the following step, so every time when he was present in the 'insight' in my dream, as we are only instruments, I tried to do my best and told him what he said, even if he didn't know Baba. That went on for some time; it was not often, once it was two years nothing and it came up again. But finally he lived exactly opposite to my parent's house.
So we had a class meeting in the village and I went for a visit to the shop of my parents, it was sold already years ago, but someone said it was beautiful. It was a flower boutique, the people were nice, a young couple showing me around in a place I had grown up and spent my childhood, so many cherished memories very familiar and still far away. I remembered my mother running around, my father worked day and night and we had been four kids and I was the oldest.
I left the shop and there she was, the neighbor's wife, standing in the midst of the street. I went to the car and left. I had no intention to spoil my day with them.
On the way I noticed the neighbor passing by, he was in his car, he looked different, like his body had grown out him, but in his face was a strange satisfaction.
The meeting with the others was nice and in that night it was in the insight as manipulation only. As Baba is the insight and the following step, I wrote him that and that it was manipulation. In my insight there was a car, I was the driver and Baba was sitting in the back of the car.
The following step was that he had understood that he was 'responsible' it said in the insight a few month later he was dead. My mother told me about it.
So the problem was gone. That was the lesson about 'manipulation' and how Baba made us aware of 'manipulation'.
Sometimes it felt like a puzzle, we had to put those insights together and get to a right conclusion.
When I talked with my mother about his dead, a precipice was in the air and Baba tells us that precipice is pride, but not so easy to see my mother in it.
Once I wrote my mother, but it was about an insight with the father, instead of talking to me about it, she told the younger brother. After coming back from a visit he said in the insight, that my brother does the worst he can do it, he made just fun of it as usual and it resulted in abuse, it was standing in the air and the inner master said that he is not interested in your message. It is done.
No more insights about family.
For me it said that brother is devotion and it was the wrong level.
After Baba left the body the ashram told us that our message has begun, that was an answer, but not the right level. Brother means devotion, he is no devotee; he can go on making fun of it, but without me.
Probably he thought it would go on like that.
The reflection parents and parent's house is important, it is a mirror and without Baba I would not have been able to face it. In the inside he said, 'harm set, harm get', that was the end with the neighbor.
So it feels like Baba made all that come up with the interview when he asked, who I was, to whom I belonged and what our relationship. And after my mother's death there was an avalanche coming down, it missed me by little.
That seems to be the avalanche. It began small with the neighbor and it grew and got bigger and in the end it covered everything.
If focused on the parents as being God, that was the best I could do, always calm, always respectful, I never spoke up anymore, but it didn't change the parents, it didn't change the attitude of my mother. I couldn't do anything about it and it was not possible to talk. So the reality began to reflect inside, but to understand that reflection, that is something else.
After I had been with Baba for a half a year, I went for a visit to Spain to see them and to spend time with them. We had nice times together; it was just about that neighbor issue it was not possible to talk.
My father never said much and my mother was talking about flowers and trees and garden, they were hobby gardeners, the garden was bigger than the house, but it was beautiful in Spain and we enjoyed our vacation with the kids and with them when they were small.
After the father died and mother came back here, it was kind of difficult to keep a bit distance and to not go too much into it. All that past stuff came up with her coming back and in no time it seemed like we had only problems.
In the 'insight' the youngest brother was also in the dream not long ago, he sat the step, the back turned to me, I was standing on the ground underneath the steps looking at the sand, there was nothing left but sand.
We should not build a house hand or whatever it was on sand.
So after all the result is not pleasing. After mother's death she said I should look that the family goes along, but that is impossible and I guess her problem, they are old enough to get along without someone taking care. He reacted that abusive that it was a shocking reality, so no peace. But we didn't give him a reason for that. We go on and follow the inner master and insights.
It mirrors more or less that it was always that level, what came up with mother and the background parent's house. So they are God, but God also reflects what had been wrong. Following the inner master sing parents as God, we get aware that our life is reflected in that pattern, we get aware of pride, attachment and abuse in the air.
After my mother's death was that avalanche coming down covering everything that is probably the result we have to face.
An another insight was, my car was put in an elevator, went down and I couldn't find it anymore. It has to do with the self and self-power, so it was lost with her.
I couldn't find myself in that.
It was also about the mother. The avalanche began small and it got bigger and in the end it covers everything that is the reflection in reality the family is no family anymore, it is icy and destroyed.
Somehow it began with the story with the neighbor and it ends up in an avalanche, everything is buried under the snow. There is only ice and snow.
It is not a nice picture to see an avalanche in the inner view and to think that this thing is part our life and family.
The problem was in the mother, avalanche means also attachment.
In the 'insight' with Baba it is possible to go beyond that 'snow', but to facing it that is not very joyful, because we cannot change it. The inner master said, when a mother falls, all children fall with her. That is how we get to the meaning of the 'insights'. They are not just understood and absorbed, we need to listen to his words and see it in our own life and that is how we are able to absorb and after all it will make sense.
Baba is in the insight and in the following step. But he also tells us love my uncertainty. First we have to know the difference between insight and dream and that needs discrimination and we have to see it in our own life, that needs enquiry and finally we have to go on no matter what obstacles are there.
That is Tapas, spiritual work.
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