Knowledge without Wisdom is Useless

True education will make you divine. Education is not mere knowledge of words; it should broaden the mind. The mere acquisition of degrees is valueless. Character is more important and it can be developed only by taking to the spiritual path. Of what use is an education that does not promote good qualities? Together with academic education you have to acquire wisdom and a sense of right and wrong. Knowledge without wisdom, scholarship without determination, music without melody, learning without humility, a society without discipline, friendship without gratitude, and speech without truth - all these are utterly useless.

Hence everyone should seek to follow the correct path. It is not greatness that matters but goodness. Make proper use of your education for the good of society.
Baba (thought for the day)

Baba said in an interview that we should meditate with Soham, our breath tells with every inhale, SO and with every exhale HAM and the meaning of Soham is, 'I am God, I am Shiva, I am that'.

I had been a TM-teacher and we were told that the mantra was a vehicle only and had no meaning and we had the feeling we didn't know anything about it and Baba called our group in the interview room after a group meditation and said, that all mantras are okay and that the meaning of the mantra is, 'I am God'.

The most important questions we have to ask are, 'Who am I?' 'Where do we come from?' and 'Where do we go?'

If we send a letter away we put the address that it can reach and if we do not have an address, it will reach nowhere.

Therefore, in using a mantra just like a vehicle, it was not possible to get aware of the 'I am that'.
But first my mind wondered how I could think only that 'I am God' and Baba went on explaining to us in the interview room that it opens our mind. That is a way how we can broaden the mind.

Self-confidence, self-control, self-contentment, self-sacrifice, self-realization. (Baba)

It was long ago, in the beginning it was about the observer, just watch and get aware of it, but it was already about God, I was just not really aware of it, I just thought about God to feel better and to not get distracted by anything and anybody, I talked only if I had to.

Life went on, but it was kind of difficult to talk about it. It seemed not possible to explain it to other what and why I did that observing business. After a while I called it search for truth, I guess that didn't sound much better. But I still hoped, someone would be able to share and understand it. I listened to my heart and followed the heart and that was thinking about God even if I was not aware of it.

The problem was my family it seems mostly the mother, she had an attitude to avoid everything what was not okay and I didn't understand it, it was not possible to talk to her and finally it ended with a 'precipice in the air' and Baba said, precipice is pride.

After she retired and came back from Spain, the precipice was in the air. But that meaning I had to find first, at that time I didn't think it over yet and was not focus on Baba's words as I am today.

Observing means also to get aware of the difference between insight and dreams. First I had to get aware of a - precipice in the air - and that it said something, it had a meaning and it was not just like something in the air I couldn't relate to as it had happened before.
In listening to Baba's words it changed, because he said that he is the insight and the following step. 

After mother's death it was an avalanche in the dream. If we do not watch and are not alert we might think that it was just a dream and forget about it, but if we are awake inside and watch, we know that is has a meaning and Baba tells us that avalanche means 'attachment', therefore, it was attachment and pride what I didn't understand and why she avoided everything and answered always the same way.
It seemed only what they did was okay, it was not easy to get along with it, nearly impossible. There was a time in my life everything was standing head, I tried to find an answer why it was like that and there were no answers, everything seemed fine at the outside, but in the inside it didn't feel good and that was my problem only, but it was not, the problem was that we couldn't talk to them and if we tried we were wrong and if we avoided it, they didn't even noticed it.
As I began to watch, I decided to not stop until the higher self would be in some way or another present inside.

Nothing seemed positive and everything was changing, it felt scary to just wait and watch that it would somehow change from the inside or I would meet my higher self, it had to be there on some point and to feel good, I was always remembering the presence of God also inside, I just didn't relate it to the 'I'.

Baba calls it Tapas. It means going on and on no matter what obstacles will be there and it will lead to discrimination, focused on God, the only positive and non-changing entity.

We were also decided to be able to take it as it comes, to be able to go on no matter what, until it would be there.
Tapas is in three steps, 1. Discrimination, 2. Seeing it in our own life, 3. Going on no matter what obstacles will be there.

Self-confidence was needed to get there. We didn't know how long it would take, how long we would have to wait and it felt kind of endless. It was about a self-experience. There were obstacles and in time I began to see the moods of people, it was in the air. First I watched the thoughts and actions and as I decided to not take a decision, but when I was sure it was out of my own self, it went on in a waiting state.
At work there was a guy who had something very dark in his eyes on two levels and it scared me and he committed suicide and I had that even in my dream and at that time I didn't understand it at all. We had the same work place and therefore, we were all part of it.
Afterwards, I had the feeling I wanted to change something, it could go on forever just waiting, if I didn't challenge the situation and the way how to do it was coming along by an open job opportunity. I didn't really wanted that job, I just wanted to change something and that could happen or not happen with the job, if I applied to it.
Finally I didn't get that job and I was glad, because it made me free. But before they told me that someone else got it, there was the higher self in my dream, it was light and it was beauty and only love. It was that amazing and beautiful. That morning I felt like singing, dancing, celebrating and not getting the news that the job was given to someone else, and when she told me, I told her that I quit. She was shocked, I sent the letter the next day.

That was the difference between the higher self and everything else, only it was difficult to understand it, but getting in touch with the higher self means it begins to take over, it is self-controlled. It was that beautiful and only love, it is all what we want, everything what we can imagine, all want we desire or are able to think of, it was all in that One, only to understand it was difficult.
I needed a spiritual master and real knowledge and it was not that easy. I didn't realize that the self from the inside began to be in control and to just going in the right direction felt also like self-contentment, it was a good feeling, looking for the answer or knowledge getting closer to the light of the higher self.
I met some people from the Hare Krishnas, they sold books in the bank I was working and I got the Bhagavadgita and it created lots of more questions, I had to find an answer. It was also not easy to understand, it was a lot about self and divinity.
Finally I decided to go to the Hare Krishnas, to spend my holidays there and I hoped I would get me closer to it, it was all in routines and about serving Krishna and it seemed different from what we had been used before. It was a challenge and a level of self-sacrifice, everything what was done was offered to Krishna with the aim to develop Krishna-consciousness.

Self-confidence, self-control, self-contentment, self-sacrifice, self-realization.

It felt like a kind of cult and I wanted to go more inside and get in touch again with the higher self.

Someone spoke about TM and meditation and that it is going inside and I liked the idea of it and something else I liked, the yogi lived in the Swiss mountains and it was possible to get in touch with him, as I hoped to get an answer for the experience with the higher self. So I began to meditate with TM to get into it, we had to practice.

If we are focused on the observer, it results in character, we watch, every word, every thought we watch and have to constantly get aware what is right and what not, what we need to tell and what not. If we get too emotional, we will not be in the observer, that means I tried usually to stay out of it to get to the right answer later on.  
It felt kind of strange when I began to get aware of the moods of people.

Only in the beginning it was about my own thoughts, that changed quite fast, after it was the own emotions and feelings and from there it went to see the moods, as I went beyond my own emotions, I began to get aware of it in the others.

On that level talking with my mother made hardly any sense anymore, I couldn't feel her anymore. I always wondered, where she had gone. If I tried to talk about my feelings and what was my concern, she avoided it or they made fun of it. It was not possible to reach her anymore.
And even if I observed, that didn't change, it was still the same. It was like she was that obsessed by one thing only she did all her life, attachment, we call that, everything else had no room. She was not able to listen and when we said something, she answered always the same way, that we should nor or she felt put in question by it, she had no time to think of something else. It was not possible on a normal level to talk to her.
The attachment level of my mother didn't change and she didn't notice that there had been a change. I noticed that everything I said she was offended by it, even if it was not meant to offend. We could try to be as nice as we wanted and listened and cared, she still reacted the same way.

She didn't see the effort done to reach her, she was kind of blind and if we asked a question, it put her whole life in question. That was the result of attachment. It seemed nearly impossible to handle it or to live with it, it felt like always something was wrong and the time as a teenager getting aware of it was awful.
Once I spoke about self-realization and as it seemed to have put everything in question what they did or had done or had in mind, their business level, the reaction of my father was, that I was a communist.
Only much later I got aware that they called everything communist at that time, whatever fit not in their life style was seen as communism, that means I felt like an outcaste, even though the feeling of self-realization was holy and sacred, that didn't match.
I also had to learn or to get aware that the aggression of my  father was not just against me, but that he just expressed his level of mind and that was not easy to take, it had to do with the village consciousness.  
But at that time I was still part of the family and it felt awkward to get such answers, it destroyed my self-feeling and it felt like we could do whatever we wanted, it would never result in something good or okay or seen or acknowledged.
As I went into office work, I wanted to learn English and went to the US and was in a motel. It turned out as an adventure and dangerous and not organized properly, and I had to face an awkward situation and realize that I didn't wanted that and that my parents were too busy with their stuff, they didn't care. They talked me into it and afterwards it was my problem. It was not only naive, it was dangerous to listen to them. They had just made it look positive, talked about the US, how great it was etc. the American dream, and never even questioned, what I would do in such a big country all by myself if I would not like it. I went with the aim to learn English and was at the ablout lowest possible level, exposed to everything was not okay. They had talked me into it and all that was too much to deal with it. 

Twenty years old in a motel, that was not really what I was ready to face at that time. I had to just get out of it and that means not only to realize what seemed impossible at that time, that my family let me down, but also that I couldn't live with it. It means I got aware that it was not possible to organize it right, not possible to talk to them and whatever happened, we got only cliché answers and it was dangerous, it destroyed our lives.

And with Baba's help I got aware that it was due to attachment. 

It felt like she was not able to see anything but one thing only and there was no interest and room for anything else.

She expected us to see only her efforts, she was not able to see how difficult she was and that she gave us only cliché answers and if we questioned it, we had a problem, because she got offended. It was not possible to talk to her and it was not possible to question anything without getting cliché answers.

Only worked mattered and she was sure that they deserved respect all respect in the world, everything was covered by that only. It was impossible to make them aware that we cared, if we tried to be nice it was not okay and if we questioned it, that was also not okay. They couldn't listen and had no interest for anything, but their own life and whatever we said, if good or bad, it was always the same answer, you should not.
Once I went shopping with her, we met someone she knew and I got already tired to just see it, because I knew how she was with clients, she was much too nice, in an overwhelming manner and after that person asked, how she was doing, she went on as usually, 'always work, work, work'.
I got tired on the spot. They didn't care about anything but work, they didn't go and visit parent's days in school or she didn't go when my sister had dimploma celebration, even though she had been the best of her class, we always were let down by them. It felt like mother was not present really, her interest was work and for everything else she had no time and energy anymore. Baba said, that my family let me down.

I didn't like to go back. I hated it and I would have liked to avoid it. She had always talked against the father and now I had to face him, because she didn't know how to get along with it and that felt like a catastrophe, it ended in nightmares.

Outside it looked great, it was sunny and beautiful and I didn't know what to do with my inside level and how it felt, that was not the same.

And that is how I began to meditate, I tried to get out of it by not thinking and I noticed after a while the thoughs got small and came like from outside and the emotions changed.

I did that even during the time I was still living in the parent's house, I just didn't know what was responsible for the mess and not feeling comfortable, but it had to do with the neighborhood and that we couldn't talk about it.
I decided to find my own way and to not talk with family and parents more than I had to. After a wild time behind me in searching about everywhere, travelling around and not finding anything, I began to watch, convinced that I would get an answer in the higher self, somehow.
I was alone and not yet used to it.

My family had no idea what I did and I knew it was useless to tell them, they would not have understood it anyhow.

I began to live my life in spite of them, but there were some hurt feelings, because I felt let down and alone.

I began to watch, it was based on self-confidence. As there had been an experience of self-realization during writing the diary, I knew it was possible on the experience level, I just didn't know how and by observing it had to be there somehow, if we went on with perceverance and patience. And really, after all, there was the higher self and I knew it had been there because I went on no matter what obstacles would be there. I wanted to make that experience in my own life and it was based on self-control. In that moment the higher self was in charge, it was not the mind and not the body, but I didn't know that and I new I would have to get the right answers.
Whatever, the aim was to get right answers. I went into TM and regular meditation and it looked great first, just meditate and there was the highest level of heaven on earth and when coming back to the parent's house, nothing had changed, it was still the same. But some began to meditate, my sister first, after my brother and even my father. It felt like a positive time and for once we felt like a family, but it didn't last long.
I went on course and still hoped to get some answers from the Maharishi, but the insights changed. The level of self-contentment was like bright sunshine on a beautiful blue sky, but the air was breaking into pieces in the background. It means I got aware of it when it broke into pieces. It didn't work and it said even why in the inner view, people were just puppets on a string, all was learnt by heart only, nothing was realized and the hand was not there which should have been holding them. 

That was not great. I couldn't get out of the situation and the insight was not yet finished, after that they all turned into enemies.

That means after heaven on earth, I woke up in an environment which was hell and all had turned into enemies. That is how I got aware that yogis should be our friends, but they were no friends, but enemies, it was the same, like the air breakting into pieces on a sunshine envrionement, we had the ennemies in a friend environment, yogis are our friends. We had the puppets on a string, which are dependent on someone holding them and there was no hand. It felt out of control and dangerous beyond measure.

What had happened?
Those insights felt like balloons standing in the air without answers, there was no relationship between the experience and what had happened and the same reflection always, cut off. And if we don't know the source, we cannot understand it. It was like Suzanne Segals book, 'Collision with the Infinite', she had lost her 'I', she could see like left and it was gone and she couldn't relate to it. There was no relationship between the insights and the following step, it was cut off. That is how Baba made me aware of it in telling that he is the insight and the following step.  

How did it happen, why cut off? What did I do?
On a feeling level it was like heaven on earth, the Maharishi present in Italy and afterwards it turned very fast into the opposite, I got in a relationship with the national leader, but no person saw any responsibility, they all said, just meditate and all problems will be solved and that is how the relationship between cause and reaction was cut off.

And it was not true, but it was all secret, so they could do that and it was not possible to relate to the real reason in the background. TM cuts people off the source and if we don't know the source, we cannot understand it and it is not only the technique, but the way people think and behave using meditation as the meas to solve problems and therefore, they don't get aware of it. Nobody takes any responsibility in that movement.  

The level of self-contentment had been established by courses and meditation, breaking in pieces with the national leader, he had no control over it and it ended with all people looking like enemies. It was actually awful.

The work of self-sacrifice was the TM-teacher working all week without salary,  just initiating people. That was the level of self-sacrifice and we were happy, but not for long, it took no time that this highest happiness and peace was breaking into pieces.
It was that Santhosh level, the highest level of happiness, but only when I read Baba's thought for the day now and that is thirty years later, I realized that it was 'that' same experience only. That is how it was confirmed in the inner view that it was that. Baba said in a dream that he is the insight and the following step. The insight said that it was the same level which broke into pieces. The sky was blue and the sunlight was bright, it felt beautiful and peaceful and in the background the air breaking into pieces. 

As the talked about invincibility they said that this sunshine level could not get desturbed, but that is just what happened.
It was kind of scary to hear that air breaking into pieces, it felt like transparent and unseen glass and it seemed strange and dramatical unlogic, because it should not happen if it was invincible. The invincibility principle of the Maharishi was telling that it was not possible, so we thought it must be something else and that is how it was cut off, it was just projected and with TM we didn't get any answers and otherwise also not. It was not possible to get answers. The people were acting like puppets on a string, there was no self-realization, everything was learnt by heart and the were dependent, but the hand which should hold them or the the strings was not there, the leader didn't work, nothing worked really.

But there was no relationship between the experiences and the insights. That is why it looked like balloons in the air, cut off reltionships. 

The first experience of heaven on earth had established that Santhosh level, but it had in no time turned around and was now, only enemies, no friends, when yogis should be our friends. 

After that course I went back to the center and hoped it would get okay again, but there was a black hole, the teaching of technique and programs, nothing could change, nothing came in, nothing went out, that was called invincibility and the master not there, everything cut off. The black hole didn't feel good, all secret, no use to talk about it, nobody knew anything and nobody knew what to do, and we didn't even know what it was, it was lost in a black hole. The master was not present.

I got a Baba book and there was some vibuthi in it and I took it just to feel better during metation and there was a good feeling and a flow of love and it went directly downwards in the heart and there was a tiny small dark blue form, God. That felt great and I was glad that a door had opened.

I knew I had to go in that direction, but I had no idea that I would have to realize why all that has happened. Cut off we were not aware of the TM experience, not what it was, not their relationship with out own self, all cut off, it was an abyss that opened up without the possiblity to get an answer.
With Baba following his inner guidance from the inside I went into writing and he said I should use his words, that means I began to quote the thought for the day and whatever came up in that light and that is how the relationship came back between the different experiences.

 We have to be able to see it in our own life and by doing it and thinking it over we get to the hidden meaning and begin to understand it.
But it was really answered by Baba, because he tells us how to look at it in the dream and it reflects in his thought for the day and like that we get able to absorb the wisdom.

That is how I began to realize that I all along had meditated with, 'I am God', because it was the only reality which was positive and I needed to hold on to something positive, as everything else was 'not that' and just passing by.

The worst thing was that the relationship level got lost with just technique and mechanical meditation, not knowing the meaning of the mantra, using it just as a vehicle, the relationship between the things what had happened was gone and it was not even possible to find the right question, it was not possible to understand it, it was awful, it felt like the intellect was not working anymore, instead of understanding the problem, we used it just for meditation.

The first thing if we want to realize the self is to address it to the higher self and that means getting aware that 'I am That', if we think only about God, he is bigger than the biggest and samller than the smallest, it transcendes the body and the mind and it has to reach him.

It is the level of self-control, it is the level of you and I are 'we' and Baba explained that 'we is He', no more I and no more you. There is a next step from He to I. It is about self-realization. 'I am that' and finally it said, 'I am the One'.