In every one of you, God is the moving spirit, the very Soul; how then can you be evil, when you are here fulfilling God's purpose, according to His will, His plan and His law? God has endowed you with many faculties so that you may seek Him and reach Him.
You are not therefore, a helpless and neglected individual undergoing a sentence of death. You are an embodiment of bliss, born to a rich heritage, which is all yours! Only you fail to ask. Have faith in your destiny and work steadily to attain it! Devotion is attachment to God - you need not leave hearth and home for it. If the seed is planted away from the parent tree, will it grow any different? No! Boil the seed and then it will not grow again. Similarly, boil your instincts and impulses, and scorch the sensory cravings that enslave you. Then you will get nearer to God, wherever you may be.
Baba (thought for the day)
We are immortal beings, if there is no sentence of death, but to reach that we have to know that we are God and how do we get to that self-realization? Always remember, who you are.
Who am I?
That is one of the key questions, Baba mentioned it in a thought for the day last week.
If we can answer the first question, we also know the answer for the rest. But around us is everything relative, everything passing by and nothing is permanent, but our own self is a non-changing and permanent level, we have to realize it.
It is of no use to go and search for it, we should just remember who we are.
After I had understood that, I thought, there must be a way to find that eternal reality in my heart and I began to just watch, just observe, because life goes on and on and on that level everything is always changing, there had to be a means to get to that hidden reality and that non-changing and immortal being in our own self.
I watched, decided to not change anything on the mind level if it is not out of my own self and it was never my own self, it was always outside of it and therefore, I began to think about God, because it felt not okay, not comfortable, there was only uncertainty.
Where do I come from? Where do I go? How long do we be here?
We are embodiments of bliss.
I wondered, where the bliss was gone? We should be all in bliss.
That is how I began to remember who am I? And in remembering in time I hoped to be able to realize it.
As Baba always said, just be happy and enjoy.
You are not therefore, a helpless and neglected individual undergoing a sentence of death. You are an embodiment of bliss, born to a rich heritage, which is all yours!
That is how it went on and really, after there had been the self in my dream, that beautiful light and nothing but love, there was such a longing for it and I met the Hare Krishnas, they were selling books at my job and I got the Bhagavadgita, hoping to get answers, because it was all about Krishna and his instructions to Arjuna, but I noticed soon that it was not that easy to understand.
They were living in a small and old castle in Geneva and I went there in the beginning for a visit and that is how I understood it was only possible to get closer to Krishna if we make the experience.
First I went for a holiday only and stopped smoking. At that time I was still smoking and I anyhow wanted to find a way to stop it and that was a good opportunity. The days were that structured, we had no time to even think and after fourteen days I had stopped smoking and I was decided to never start again.
I wanted to go for it, live for a while with the Hare Krishnas, trying to make that Krishna experience, only I had no idea how much time it would take to get there.
It is not that easy, it needs perseverance and patience and it was more about a cult, and that was not how I got to the insight of the higher self, it was just by observing and waiting, I was just seeing it in my life and it was just about discrimination. We had to get aware of the immortal part of our own self in us to be able to see it in my own life.
But it was great to meet others on the same path seemingly going in the same direction, and it was a good experience, not that easy, because it was too different from my old life style and I had changed totally, just liked that.
We walked around in long dresses, like hippies, spiritual hippies and even if I liked it on some level, it was also a bit strange and there was that shame, that it was so different from my old lifestyle. It was kind of hard to integrate that change and I didn't like when they made that difference between them and the Mayavadis, that were all the others, who lived on the level of the senses and the mortals, instead of getting aware of immortality.
I didn't like that difference, because it made some of those people, as it seemed, men mostly, real strange and I didn't like that state of mind or the tendency of thinking they were better and they knew and all others not.
After a while I noticed that TM-meditation went inside and it was just about meditating and it seemed somehow logical that with regular meditation it will be possible to reach the higher self in our own life. I thought that would help to go on in daily life and to be more in touch with the inner divinity.
That is why and how I began with TM and in the beginning it felt great. We used the mantra as a vehicle, but in the West we have not the knowledge and tradition to know about it. As I noticed later it is all different in the East, because Veda is part of their culture and therefore, they have a feeling for it and when we meditated, they did puja in the room next to us and we did programs, they were holding on to their tradition.
When I came back from Paris with TM and had to begin new, the Maharishi began just with the Mother Divine and Purusha courses. That went in a divine direction and was not just meditating with a mantra, we used as vehicle and therefore, it also made more sense.
I had to get the TM-teacher before and hoped to go on that course later on.
The best time during TM was when we were in Italy the Maharishi was present and it felt like 'heaven on earth', that was real special. After I met the national leader and as I was single again, he was calling always and the rest is not a great story, I was not sure if he had not totally lost his mind.
The Maharishi had told him to go on Purusha course, highest first and he didn't, he was somehow in conflict with it as it seemed. He began with women stories and when I realized it, it was already too late and I was in the midst of it.
He thought he could have from the Maharishi anything he wanted and he knew he could do with people what he wanted.
That means he challenged it, instead of taking care, he abused the power and used the people for his purposes and they trusted in him because he was the national leader. He said constantly that he had to check it, but he never did and if he did, he didn't follow the advice of the master.
He had become real corrupt and looked like a bored guy, who didn't know what to do with himself, who had lost his mind.
After a while with that attitude the Mother Divine course was not okay anymore, because he manipulated someone from the course, and if I would have gone on that course, I knew he would have done anything in his power to get me back or to disturb, because it would have been a blow to his ego. That means TM and the courses were not okay anymore, therefore, I found a way to go to Baba on a divinity course, seen the TM way.
After I had left, even though, the Maharishi had told him already time ago to go on Purusha course, highest first, he didn't do it, but he engaged himself in 3 months time with someone, he just met, probably to make it look like my mistake and because it was a blow to his ego that I left and went to Baba.
This guy behaved like nuts, he was that corrupt.
And I had expected it. With Baba I felt okay, as long as I was with him, only not when coming back, my life was standing head.
I was certain that he could not manipulate it, but he anyhow tried, he called always my sister and I could not be sure how far he would get her into it.
Actually, that was also clear, if I would have gone to a TM-course (mother divine), he would have for sure tried to get my sister into it to manipulate it, as he already did before. It means the course could have turned into the opposite, as the assistance course on the TM-teacher's training already did. The risk was much too big, not only for me, but also for my sister.
I couldn't breath anymore with that guy in the background, that much pressure. I just had to leave and that is how I went to Baba.
But I didn't expect what happened next, because until that moment it still felt like now, it was possible to understand it, somehow.
I didn't know what he was doing and it didn't make sense that he was talking always about checking, but after I left and I asked Baba about the friend, Baba asked, who is your friend, is Maharishi your friend or is your friend with Maharishi ...?
After that I went out of the interview room and I knew, I didn't understand anything anymore and I had to face the reality that we didn't know anything, because everything was kept secret.
And it was of no use to ask questions, there were no answers. I had to find the answer in my own self and it looks like outside on a relationship level the pattern was repeated just because of that reason.
What was in the air are 'experiences', insights, they didn't make sense, nothing made sense anymore and least of all that I asked Baba about my 'friend' ... I called that corrupt national leader 'friend', who got engaged after I left, 3 months later only, as it had been a blow to his ego and I could not be sure that he would not get my sister into it, even in that distance, she wrote me that he called her always etc. The friend was the yogi.
It was a feeling of friendship in the air due to that yogi and it had nothing to do with the fact that this guy spoke always about checking with the yogi, but he didn't do it and if he did, he didn't follow it.
It had nothing to do with the fact that the master had told him to go on Purusha and he didn't do it, he behaved like a mad man, who didn't know anymore what he was doing.
First he had called me that I should look for a big hotel for the Maharishi, to get in touch with me, it was like he had lost all dimensions of who he was already at that point and I got in touch with the worst situation I could and probably the worst guy possible.
As I came back from France and I began in a TM-center, I lived in a small room and it exposed me to him.
It was already kind of uprooted, because I came back from France. I just had to begin new and was not aware of the background TM and the Maharishi still living in the Swiss mountains, but not for long. I hoped to get answers about the higher self and the first thing I got was that.
That is why I had asked questions to the Maharishi, that guy was always present and took also advantage of it, as it seems. He noticed I was available and already I had him on the phone asking me to get a big hotel for the Maharishi, that is how I got in touch with him.
But it was the end of TM and quite fast.
It would have needed much more time to get aware of it, if it would have been different.
With Baba I got aware in the inner view, that the checking was about 'personal staff' but he was not anymore personal staff after the Maharishi had left the country, but he went on in his mind checking it, projected on the national leader, he had been personal staff and the national leader.
Because nobody could do that for him, it was not possible to verify it and everything was secret, it was not possible to know the source, the source was the role of personal staff, there it was about checking and it made sense and not the national leader, there it was just wrong projection and ego, seeing himself as important enough, the Maharishi had to be involved.
Therefore, it was not possible to see what was ego and what not. It was not able to get aware that he just projected it and he was not able to adapt to the new situation, as the master had left.
It all happened for all others unseen and hidden, because it was not transparent and all secret, that means, nobody knew, nobody had enough insight to understand what happened in that moment and that is why he could to with people whatever he wanted.
But at the same time he said, that the Maharishi had told him to go on Purusha course, highest first. And he didn't do it, he was in conflict with it. Because nobody knew, it was not possible to get aware that in fact, he didn't do what the master said, he didn't listen to him, but he was constantly talking about checking. Conclusion, even if he would have checked it, he would not have listened.
And that whole checking business was of no use really. It was just taking the attention away from the real reason why he had to check it, so he could avoid it to take a decision.
That was all hidden behind the Maharishi and that he was the national leader and only he had a contact to the Maharishi, it means he could do with people, whatever he wanted, we were all exposed to him and even worse, there was no moral commitment and no character and therefore, he actually did whatever he wanted and he even said, he could have anything he wanted from Maharishi, that means he could do whatever he wanted, the way he saw it.
It seems he went too far, he got illegally money from the pension funds, he is no more the national leader, but as he was also a siddhi teacher, he got that part back.
It was delusion, went too far. It was to expect with that delusion of grandeur. He said that with Maharishi it was never about small things, but always the big picture, he seemed to be very impressed by that side of the Maharishi and that is where it resulted, an idea of big - and it resulted in delusion of grandeur, that is probably also why he asked me to look for a hotel for the Maharishi, just some time before he left the country.
It had to be a big hotel, a big house.
As everything was secret, I didn't know if he had lost his mind or how far it had to do with the Master and TM, and it was impossible to know, because the source was not known. It was upside down and Tamas, however we couldn't understand it anymore.
Baba put my attention on it in telling in the inner view, 'I wanted a big house', after all, that seems to be the reason why he said it.
It felt like it didn't make sense at all - that big house ...
I was glad I had left TM. Lots of TM-people never get out of it, even though they realize that a lot was promised and finally nothing is coming back. Some got totally lost, it is not possible to understand it, cut off the source, if we don't know the source, we cannot understand it. What seemed that tempting in the beginning had in no time turned into a nightmare.
Even though Baba said exactly what I had looked for all along, seeing it in my own life, going on no matter what obstacles are there, discrimination, because of the upside down experience with TM, it seems it was not only difficult to integrate, but impossible to understand it.
It first had to get clear and understood what had happened with TM, to be able to get it.
I had been looking for all my life for the confirmation that it is the right path, to just watch and go on and focus on divinity to realize that our higher self is an immortal being.
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