How to get detached

It is the mind that weaves a pattern called “I” - the process by which it establishes the ego and elaborates it into a multitude of shackles which is called delusion.

The mind prompts the senses to project into the outer world of objects, for it builds up notions of pleasure and pain, of joy and grief and constructs a whole array of urges and impulses. It resists all attempts to escape into the Eternal, Universal, and the Absolute. It protests when the individual is eager to become conscious of one’s identity. But when it finds that the individual is determined to oppose its tactics, it surrenders and disappears without a trace!

Diminish your desires – you will be free from delusion. Desire comes from attachment – deliverance comes from detachment!

Baba (thought for the day)

Meditation practice shows that often that special memories come up and they are more important than we first think that they are. That dream that my sister ‘died’ feels like blockade.

I tried to reach her by phone and there was only the answering machine. Maybe she it at holidays, not much contact, how should I know?

If we look at it, go beyond blockage, it is something we try to avoid and therefore, the blockage hinders the insight.

It seems an important step to understand that on the path of our life issue, it is certainly not only ‘stress and strain’ as TM told us and therefore, we meditate and even consciously avoid to look at it and tell ourselves there are no problems.

Even if the blockade will dissolve as TM told, we don’t realize the content in it and that ‘realization’ is the main thing and important. If we don’t realize it, it creates like with TM a state of getting lost, because if we don’t know the cause, we cannot understand it.

That is what happens with TM, we cannot realize things anymore, because we avoided it and in the end there is that much we have to look at and work at it, that we don’t know anymore where to begin with. In that state I was when I came to Baba. I had worked with TM and didn’t know anymore where to begin with the realization what of all that had to be realized and what was not important and therefore, only stress as they told.

There is a need of insights. If we just avoid it – it is like getting lost in the ocean, not knowing what we are doing and where we go and who we are. Baba shows how to get aware that Krishna is the ocean of light and therefore, it is not getting lost in the ocean, but being found in realizing we are part of Krishna, it is possible to realize that the higher self is ‘that’.

If we believe that deep silence dissolves blockades and obstacles, as TM said it would. That is not enough, because we don’t get aware of it. The mechanical way we don’t realize the hidden truth and truth is always hidden and not obvious and has to be realized.
Meditation helps to go beyond thoughts, emotions and to realize that the higher self is different from body and mind. But when one main thing comes up during meditation, we should look at it. Meditation and life is flow and if there are blockages, it cannot flow.
But it is wrong to think that is will dissolve just because we were in deep meditation, in the opposite, experience shows that deep meditation makes blockages come up and then we have to look at it.
If the inner master tells me that my parent’s house was naive and dangerous, it is not only about one incident, but in general. It is the way they talked, looked at life and dealt with problems, the way it was avoided and how they got to wrong conclusions.
When I look at it, first it seemed only one thing that happened, but in time I see that it is not only that, but it seems a general problem.
The inner master confirms it and when it gets confirmed by him, we see it quite as general truth.
The problem is the parent’s house was confusing and didn’t make sense, what they said and lived, they fully believed in it, and I didn’t understand it. I tried to avoid it and to get away from it, but it was the same pattern repeated again, it came behind and was also naive and dangerous, but it seemed there was no other way possible. That was also the mirror of the relationship with my ex.
I didn’t know him, I just went for it. But that much I knew, I had to get answers, only I didn’t know what answers that would be. I just thought with him I would get answers. But in question was about everything.

I didn’t feel home in my parent’s house, because of the disturbance in the neighbourhood. Nobody wanted to see it, so they told me I was wrong, I should not… , and that went nowhere.

It was like telling me, ‘you have done something…’ And the problem was not that I had not done it, but I didn’t even understand what they were talking about, it was like…, ‘what the hell are you talking about?’

What are your thoughts? Why you draw such conclusions and why can we not talk about it?

In reality it was manipulation and they thought ‘I was attached at the emotional value of it’ and had therefore a problem with that neighbour. Her attachment made her blind and was drawing wrong conclusions. It seems she was proud of what she had done and that made communication impossible, it was always like, what do you have, there is nothing…, but that was no answer only a feeling of emptiness afterwards.

The feeling emptiness had all in the family, therefore, it was not only one issue, it was her in general. And always the same, we went for a visit and came back with a feeling of emptiness. That was a problem, because something was wrong.

It was not possible to see the attachment. It was not possible to see that she was proud. But we felt like ‘emptiness’.

Nobody knew what it was, but everybody felt disturbed by it and we didn’t know how to handle it. The youngest brother began to get drunk, does the worst he can do.

I had no idea how to deal with it, I tried to find out what it was.

It felt disturbing and wrong. Was it the neighbour or her? Once I saw in her the neighbour and I didn’t like it, it disturbed seeing him in my mother, how did he get there? The neighbour was manipulation only, but why did he appear in my mother? There were no insights and it all didn’t make sense.

The family always said things they didn’t know, made it look like I had a problem with him… to forget him…, felt like being all life romantically attached. Therefore, I began to do everything to get detached. It was not easy to make out that difference between attachment and manipulation. And it felt somehow strange. Once I saw Baba in the window of the parents of the neighbour house, therefore, I knew he was in that lila, but it was still difficult to realize why.

My mother was attached, and it seems to be the mirror of her state of mind. After her death was an avalanche in the dream, avalanche is attachment. She projected her attachment on others. In reality it was her conditioning. The avalanche had missed me. It means, I was not immersed in it, but aware of it.

The neighbour died before my mother and she expected still an emotional reaction, it felt strange to me, in the opposite, I was quite relieved to know that the problem was gone. It could have ended differently, but however it ended, what for me mostly counted was that it ended, no matter how.

But my family is still thinking the same way, they are conditioned by the way they looked at it. She project attachment, even though, it mirrors her state of mind, they go on projecting attachment and in the meantime it feels ridiculous, nothing but wrong conclusions and especially the youngest brother has a very immature and confused way to look at life, he sees everything on a wrong level.

If I diminish desires and look for truth, it is because desires blind and we are not objective. If I want truth, I have to be able to go beyond the desires of the mind, beyond the mind in general, the mind is a bundle of desires. That we do in meditation, we get aware that the self is different from the body and the mind.

We are all somehow naive if we believe in things which are not real.

Above Baba in the air was, ‘I am real’. Above my father was, ‘Illusion’. Therefore, I go in direction of Baba and even if it is difficult, it should be real!

My concern is that it could be still not real, there is the possibility of understanding Baba wrong and projecting it on a wrong level, but at least we go in direction of reality and detachment and that is the path of yoga.

Out of my experience it is not enough to just believe in a not even real state of love, but we have to meditate and as TM is not okay, finally, after all writing, enquiring and waiting, there was Yogananda in my dream. That is the inner master showing that ‘he’ is okay.

Baba is like the head of it, but the path to detachment we have to follow the inner master.

If I would say only Baba and not follow the inner master, I would follow what I think it should be and that is not true and not good enough. It has to be the ‘inner master’.

In other words, I have been long enough in that TM tradition that there is still confusion going on and he gets me in touch with a real yoga tradition to make it okay and whole again, to heal it and to get out of the confusion created by TM.