Ignorance, Blindness and Death

When we want to go to a cinema, or for an evening walk, we get ready by putting on our shoes. When we want to visit a nearby town, we pack our clothes in a bag. But what preparations do you make for the ultimate journey, the voyage of death?

Baba

Years ago still in Portland Baba was in the dream with two different faces, one had vampire teeth, the bloodsucker and the other face had a very long nose.  

It is a reflection and not a good one, my ex wanted two things, career and wife, and I had met him in the ashram. But I who ever get the idea that a reflection could be that ugly and perverted?

When once Brahma asked sage Naaradha what was the most amazing thing he noticed on earth, Naaradha replied, 'The most amazing thing I saw was this: The dying are weeping over the dead.' Those who are themselves nearing death every moment are weeping over those who have died, as if their weeping has an effect, either to revive the dead or prevent their own death!

Baba

I was one part, his ex boss the other part, only with him it didn't work out. But he tried to see good in him, otherwise, he would not have let him use his room.

Those Baba faces made alert and careful, because Baba said that his dreams are real. There was something much worse than I was able to see, looking for human values and living for the child. He was her father at least on a biological level. 

I didn't try to reason to make him aware what he did, I noticed there was something more and that was the mud hole, when it began to rain the mud came in and it was dangerous, the child got lost in the mud.

Back here I was glad to breath in fresh air, just happy to not be with him anymore. A vampire is cold. When we left I dreamt of being in ice, the mirror, only ice left.

To remember makes come up the memory of the vampire and the long nosed Baba, a side of ex I was not aware off.

I feel not inspired to write about that. And I couldn't take that constantly demanding attitude of the center. I was glad we survived, don't know where to get trust from, cursing my own destiny.  

I went to Amma's darshans and there she was in dream and said, I was looking for safety and her path was safe. What is safety?

I didn't understand how that could happen.

What did I do to my life on that spiritual trip. On a common sense level I would tell anybody, do everything, but never start that. You will only meet disturbed and mad minds, you will lose everything and be happy to just breath and glad to be able to die one day, and I didn't realize that death is sweeter than the blindness of ignorance, due to ignorance. 

Death is sweeter than the blindness of ignorance, that is why people commit suicide, if they would live in bliss and realize atman, there would be joy and eternal happiness, but we have to deserve it.

He has changed it from inside? What miracle to get back trust, after all?

Just before the end of year a very sick husband of one of the center members died of cancer. She expected us to go to her place and sing... She phoned me up if I would stay New Year's Eve with her, death again and no joy.

I told her it was too heavy. Didn't we have enough of that last year? That felt to me not like seva, only burden. I was alone in Prasanthi to be inside with him when he left the body, and she's not able to be alone for one moment? 

I was not able to take her attitude and expectation. It is not possible to share death. No strength to comfort her. She has to go through that by herself.

At the birth in Baba's hospital I asked, when the labour pain began, also for help. The doctor said, he cannot help you, that you have to do alone. With death it seems similar, even if all are sad, we are still alone.

Not one moment I could think of going there and begin the new year like that. All memories came up of how mother died and Baba left the body last year and being a new year on that level again?

I am still upset.