Peace, Joy and Inner Fulfillment

The entire Universe is suffused with Divinity. Since your mind is steeped in Prakruthi (worldly objects) you are not able to see Paramatma (Divine). Just as when you focus your attention at a necklace, you shut your eyes to what it is made of, similarly as long as you look at the world with a materialistic attitude, Divinity shuts itself off from us. Once you gaze at the world with a divine attitude you see only Divinity. Who are the thieves that steal from every human being their peace and joy? They are the thieves of desire, pride, greed, infatuation, anger and jealousy, who rob a man of all his riches. But the worst of all thieves who inflicts the worst damage is matsarya (envy). We must win over our internal enemies and turn our gaze to Divinity who pervades the entire Universe.

What is touching to me in reading Baba’s words is first that he talks about the universe, no matter how we hink our personal divinity is, he is telling us the Universe if full of it. 

So we actually should be possible to make that experience, but how do we get the universal experience of it? We have to get the right insights. 

It is also called the expansion of the heart or the expansion of consciousness. 

If we don’t have that experience, we cannot imagine it, but we probably would like to know how to make the experience that the whole universe is nothing but love.

Since your mind is steeped in Prakruthi (worldly objects) you are not able to see Paramatma (Divine).

In the second sentence Baba is telling us why we don’t make that experience, it is due to our mind. 

And already the next question is there, what about the mind?

He is telling us, ‘the one I think I am is the body, the one other think I am is the mind and the one I really am is ‘Atma’.

We have two Sanskrit words, Prakruthi, what is explained already as worldly objects and Atma, the Paramatam is the big Atma. As the Paramahansa is the big swan, we all know, and Hansa is only swan and the swan can take out of a mixture of water and milk only the milk, it means discrimination and highest discrimination and Atma is the individual ‘soul’ or higher self and Paramatma is the universal soul, with other words divinity.

If our focus is on worldly objects we cannot see the Paramatma, to see it our focus has to be detached from worldly objects.

Just as when you focus your attention at a necklace, you shut your eyes to what it is made of, similarly as long as you look at the world with a materialistic attitude, Divinity shuts itself off from us.

We don’t even think of what it is made off, we just think about the necklace and probably its value. But here Baba is telling us very clearly that divinity shuts itself off from us if we look at the world with a materialistic attitude.

Like someone I know, he went to Baba thinking that it he is a shopping mall only he gets everything for free, he can only go there and make a wish and it will be given, it is very naive and childish, but it got much worse, because finally Baba said in the insight that it is perverted and I thought, what … what is that – perverted? I thought it was only about sexuality when it gets perverted, but as it seems spirituality can also get perverted and he is telling us again why.

As he thought he can get everything he wants from Baba or the Lord and he just has to ask for it, he went there and he had two things in mind, he was divorced, therefore, he wanted a wife and he lost the job, therefore, he wanted a career and that means a lot of money.

When I met that guy I thought great no money problems I would have liked to stay forever in Sai Baba’s presence and would have like to know how to get that experience that the higher self is also the universe, I was more interested in that and not in stuff like he said, husband and wife and career.

For me it was more a question how can I expand to get on that universal level of consciousness or out of the mind and not how can I ask for material stuff and I will get it. So I somehow didn’t hear it that it was only material stuff, I had been probably too long time in Baba’s presence and I thought everybody was like me and looking for divinity only.

Once you gaze at the world with a divine attitude you see only Divinity.

I wanted to gaze at the world with a divine attitude to be able to see only divinity and I wondered every day again why it was still not yet like that and I guess there are others like that and I felt that much taken in by that problem getting out of the mind that I didn’t see the background of that guy at all.

Who are the thieves that steal from every human being their peace and joy? They are the thieves of desire, pride, greed, infatuation, anger and jealousy, who rob a man of all his riches. But the worst of all thieves who inflicts the worst damage is matsarya (envy). We must win over our internal enemies and turn our gaze to Divinity who pervades the entire Universe.

I heard only that he seemed to make it possible to stay with Baba in the ashram, because I had to go back to my country and I worked always again for some months before I came back to the ashram and I felt awful coming back, there was like nobody anymore. I had been a TM-teacher before and we had lectures and initiated people, my boyfriend had been the national leader even and my life was in that sense not boring and after I went to Baba, it was all gone. It had evaporated in thin air and I didn’t understand how that could happen.

I expected to come back fulfilled and happy and that it would go on as it did before, but it was not like that. It was terrible difficult to come back, to feel that everything had broken into pieces and it had been in the insight before and I had no idea what awful experience that would be.

I went to an assistant course of the teacher’s training and before I had once the experience of ‘heaven on earth’ when it was a TM-course and during that course, thin air broke into pieces and after that course I had to face fact that whatever had been present before, it was gone.

They were all puppets on a string in the insights and the hand was not there, which should have been there holding them and it means the master was not present and by that, they all turned into enemies, that was actually awful, I told myself that they had been probably friends before to turn into enemies, but I rather would have had friend still and not enemies, that was pure agony and followed by inner shock, it scared me to death to have only enemies and I didn’t know what to do with it.

After that course, that lady came back from the mother divine course and she was on the parallel course, she had been with him before and I would have liked to go on as before just not anymore in the relationship with the national leader, but that didn’t work. It had broken into pieces already. I thought that it was finished, because they had asked the Maharishi about marriage and he said no and that he would have to work like a donkey if he would marry her and afterwards she went on course and he said that it was finished.

But after she noticed that he had another one, she came back and after all it was not finished, but she wanted to play the diva and first lady and in fact for them it was not about being friends and yoga, but about role plays and in the inside it said that he was just an actor.

Listening to Baba one day he explained that if we separate right action and peace there are only pieces left.

During the TM-teacher’s training we had with scientific research constantly nothing else but to accept truth and if we accept that path of truth, we also have to accept the path of right action and that was being a TM-teacher and going on teaching meditation to others. So in no time there were only ‘pieces’ left and I had to face the problem that with TM we didn’t get the answer why only pieces left and after I went back in the TM-center trying to go on as before, it was actually awful and I began to feel that bad that it scared me. Something was wrong and it was not possible with meditation to ignore it.

One day there was a huge black hole in meditation and it felt that scary that I was afraid to lose my mind or to die of tiredness. That were not good experiences and I didn’t know Sai Baba yet.

I got a book of Sai Baba and in it was a small envelope with some little vibuthi left, as I didn’t feel okay, I put some of my tongue and I felt that love flowing from the tongue into the heart and there was a small dark blue form and that was God.

It was an amazing experience and it filled out the hole and took the fear away, but I was that scared of the negative experiences I had with TM, that I put first Om Sairam in front of the mantra to feel okay, but I went on with meditation.

In that state sure that I was at the right place with Baba I went to India with the national leader who came back after my assistance course had finished, but it still didn’t work anymore. I had lost my trust, a black hole in meditation is a sign of lost trust. I knew I couldn’t go on like that and I went with him to New Delhi to the Maharishi and it was in the air that something went wrong, it was above him as ‘criminal’ and I didn’t understand anything of it, all those insights were scary and just from all that I knew I had to get an answer.

And in the mean time Baba said, he is the insight and he is the following step, but I went on like that for years and years, about thirty years without that the insights made sense and in the meantime we learnt to listen to him and before we didn’t listen, we couldn’t get the answer.

It was like everything was upside down.

One day I had an interview with Baba and there was another lady and he asked her, ‘who is that girl’ and he went on, ‘to whom does she belong’ and there was no answer, I just translated it and he said, ‘what is your relationship’?

That interview was probably an invitation to listen, but he didn’t tell me to listen, think it over and absorb. He tells us if we listen to his speeches, in the interview he asked, who I was. And I began to talk about that interview, hoping to find someone else who had such an interview before and on that level some clear experience and he could give me an idea about it.

If that was the invitation of Sai Baba to listen to him, to think it over and to absorb, it was not understood. I had listened before, but the insights didn’t make sense and in talking about it, I hoped it would make more sense and I met that guy who went to Baba and we sat in the mountains living in the same house in front of a cottage on the lake and it was beautiful weather and we sat and talked and I told him about the interview and that Baba asked, to whom I belonged and he said, ‘what, of course, you belong to me’ and he went on, ‘I know, because I asked for a wife, therefore, you are the wife Baba is sending to me’. He said he knew and I said I know that I don’t know. I hoped he really knew and that is how we went into that and he had in reality only materialistic focus and desires. And in that thought for the day Baba is telling us what happens if we have only a materialistic focus. I didn’t see that he had that, because it was in the ashram, it was in Baba’s presence we talked only about divinity.

The truth of it was waiting in the background of that relationship and it could only end in a disaster of course as he had no real spiritual inclinations.  

I thought great he will help me to get answers and get rooted again, there was also an uprooted tree in the insights and it was a terrible feeling coming back and nothing and nobody was here anymore and I didn’t understand what had happened and why it looked like that.

In fact, if Baba is the ‘insight’ and the following step, he has to give the answer. We cannot with the mind answer the insight and as long as I didn’t know how to listen to him, there was no right answer.

In the meantime he got the dreams after we met and in his dream was Baba and he warned him that he will not get the right answer on that level, but it was his dream and not mine and therefore, I thought that he had also to get an answer like I did and instead of warning us, it actually enforced it.

I somehow left it to him and I don’t really know why. He gave the letter to Baba and I didn’t give it and we said if Baba will take it, we will go for it. As soon as it was about ‘we’ I let him do the first move and I went by it.

They are the thieves of desire, pride, greed, infatuation, anger and jealousy, who rob a man of all his riches. But the worst of all thieves who inflicts the worst damage is matsarya (envy). We must win over our internal enemies and turn our gaze to Divinity who pervades the entire Universe.

I don’t even know if it was infatuation, it was just a way out of it, whatever that was and in that sense I was also taking advantage of it, what was stupid after all what I know now, I didn’t know that guy.

He had no interest in winning over the internal enemies and to turn our gaze to Divinity and I don’t know what it was, probably Matsarya (envy). My parents had a house and he wanted them to take care of us, that was strange, his mind was set on taking advantage of it.

One night Baba was present in my dream as a vampire with very long sharp teeth and he was present also, there were two faces, with a very long nose.

I am certain there is a name for that demon as well, maybe it is the picture of Matsarya, the vampire, ice cold and living of the blood of others, just thinking about money and getting the money by strange means, that was the guy who said he had work and he had a job and he had money, he said when he got initiated into meditation he knew he would do it all his life, and one day he told me he never did it. You know my feeling, it was like, what did he tell?

It didn’t make any sense to me. Why should anybody tell that he does meditation and he never did it and as it turns out we were not anymore in the right environment, as TM-teacher I would have noticed it. In the presence of Baba it didn’t make sense and just in knowing his rich former boss and how he went to Baba I get aware  of the background and that his former boss had paid some of the course and therefore, he said he did it to make him feel that he was his spiritual brother, so he was also the Baba long nose with his former boss or one of those thieves that rob us of peace and joy.

Whatever, in the end was no peace and joy left, but it resulted in a nervous breakdown and Baba was in his dream and told him that I had to go and make peace with him and he said, what, who is that stupid and has to go and make peace with a Sai Baba?

He was that stupid, because he was not aware that he listened only to the thieves and that they robbed us of all peace and joy.

In this thought for the day Baba is telling us exactly why he said that to my ex in the dream and why we had to go and make peace with him and also why there was no peace and joy anymore. 

It was about a purely materialistic attitude and it is still present in him sending around books about ‘think and get rich’ bullshit, telling his daughter that if he would have known that at her age, he would be very rich now. 

He is still dreaming with open eyes and going every year to Baba and still today it didn’t change his mind just a tiny little bit, as soon as he is back he is also back in his old patterns and he goes on in his materialistic attitude to the extent that he sends his daughter books about ‘think and get rich’, like he had a wow-experience of divinity and a flash of enlightenment in listening to materialistic stuff and in a sec he is back into that attitude, actually it is quite sad to get aware of it.

Just as when you focus your attention at a necklace, you shut your eyes to what it is made of, similarly as long as you look at the world with a materialistic attitude, Divinity shuts itself off from us.