U-Turn into a Demon

Jealousy will make a person see bad, even in the good! It will bring about your destruction in many ways. Root it out of you at the earliest. If not, the next one to come is ego. Ego destroys discrimination, drives out human qualities, and turns you into a demon. Doubt, jealousy, ego and lack of faith are four very strong evil qualities. Even if any one of those four are present in anyone, without doubt, they will be ruined over time.

Develop good conduct and earnestly practice good behavior as much as possible, then you will attain the status of a noble person over time. Never do any work with the desire for money or any other benefit. Expecting the result of work is greediness. The fruit of the action depends upon the action itself. Can you expect 100/100 even before you start studying? Instead of studying keeping marks in view, you must study because it is y our duty, and do it with total dedication.

Baba

I have experience that type of destruction with my ex and it is something to get aware of it, but a different thing when Baba tells us why it was like that in a thought for the day.

He didn’t root it out and therefore, the ego had a free play and as that destroyed discrimination he turned into a demon.  And a demon he was, afterwards he understood whatever Baba had said a wrong way. It was all upside down and that is Tamas, darkness, no discrimination.

Not such a nice experience.

And I know that all those four are present and that they lead to ruin. The result was after we had left, he was standing on a ruin, that had been our house and he was dressed in a red skirt and a black fur jacket, more or less women’s cloth and he said that it was all he could get in garage sales.

If the relationship was the house, in the end was only a ruin left and there was passion that was red and the worst was the heart level, it was pitch black darkness, a fur jacket.

I thought it was a dream and for it makes a big difference, if it is a nightmare of an insight. Baba said in my dream before he left the body, that he is the insight and the following step. If it is just a nightmare, it is the mind or whatever, but if it is insight we have to learn the lesson and that is not such a nice lesson.

For sure those for very strong evil qualities were present and to face the demon or fight the devil was not funny at all.

What had begun all sathvic and with great feelings and high intentions and going in direction of Baba, ended on that poor level.  It began only as Sathva in my life, I thought it was Sathva, but the worm was already in it, because it was not true what he said.

I was glad to meet a devotee and I had a Baba interview and he asked the devotee I had to translate for, who I was, to whom I belonged and what our relationship was. We both had not answers, we just didn’t know but I had the impression there was something wrong or I had to learn something and we went only a few weeks later to Kodai in the mountains and we were living all together in a house and I talked about that interview and the questions Baba had asked. I had seen my ex already before, but we didn’t talk and I knew he was from New York and we talked a lot together and when I told him about that interview and the question Baba had asked, he answered, that he had asked Baba for a wife and he knew that I was the wife Baba gave him. That was an answer, even if it was not the right answer, he said that I belonged to him, but it was not the right answer.

Nevertheless, I thought he would help me to get answer.  He was in the same age as I was and he wanted also children and it looked that ideal, he said I had not to worry about everything, that he had money and he lived in the room of someone we knew is very wealthy and that he would have a great job again and the appearance helped to create an immense illusion and he said he did TM, what I had done before too and that his former boss had paid for it. It looked ideal and we gave Baba a letter and he took it, so for me it was like the green light to go for it, thinking he would help me to get the right answer, what is based on Sathva only and that is how I got into it and it was already all Tamas, because he dreamt that I would be the wife Baba gave him, it was not real, it was not the right answer and he didn’t know at all and he also didn’t know what he did.

He was initiated in TM and that was due to his former boss who was doing TM, but he never did it. He just said to everybody that he will meditate all his life. He didn’t have a good job again, he was actually out of job and the situation in the ashram made him look different than he really was.

That was the basis to get the right answer, certainly not, that was the basis for just that realization that it leads to ruin.

Probably when he noticed that it was not right, the jealousy began. I had to get an answer and I still had problems with TM and understanding the insights and experiences, so he began to tell that there is nothing wrong putting what Baba had said upside down. I guess he began to compensate with ego, more it went out of hand and I said that it cannot work like that, worse got his ego. The doubt was already there when he doubted Baba’s words and whatever came together, but it leads to ruin.

Never do any work with the desire for money or any other benefit. Expecting the result of work is greediness. The fruit of the action depends upon the action itself. Can you expect 100/100 even before you start studying? Instead of studying keeping marks in view, you must study because it is y our duty, and do it with total dedication.

With Baba we learn to do our duty, that is the main thing and to not think about the result. It is dedication to Dharma and right action and the result will be by itself positive.

He came from the New York, didn’t know anything about the spiritual path, the only idea he had was that all his desires should be fulfilled by Baba.  

By that stupid attitude of his I was five years the prisoner of his dream.

Tapas means we have to go on no matter what obstacles are there and as he said I was the wife Baba gave him and he said he knew and Baba took a letter, I went for it, to find out that it was all not only not true, he didn’t know what he was doing and it was just a dream and that were about five years being the prisoner of that dream.

If we say A, we have to say B, that is the problem if it is about Tapas. We cannot without any reason go out of it and as it seemed to be Baba, I had to go on until he got me out of it. But it still needs a lot of time to realize it. Tapas means going on no matter what obstacles are there to be able to see it in our own life and to get the right discrimination.

Never do any work with the desire for money or any other benefit. Expecting the result of work is greediness. The fruit of the action depends upon the action itself.

Duty is not about money and the desire for other benefits, but it is dedication to the job or the work which has to be done.  

That is Baba’s teaching and as he tells us here, to expect a result of work is greediness.

But my ex was taking advantage of that as well, expecting us to be cheap and to not want anything; he went only to garage sales to get everything in bargains only. Instead of ceiling of desires, he just went for bargains and he got addicted to it that is not the meaning of ceiling on desires. I guess because it was not about money, he expected us to live like that, with nothing and he economized and the wrong place. He was the example that everything what Baba said and what was about selflessness and virtue, about everything could be turned around into the opposite, but the result was ruin and the experience of how it is when someone turns into a demon.

We don’t know that dedication in the West and some even think it is normal to always think about the result and about money, but we can see where that type of thinking will lead us.

Tapas is going on and on no matter what obstacles are there, that is spiritual work, and I am doing that since I began to observe and that is a long time ago. I have met a lot of obstacles on that path and some of it was very difficult to understand and it seemed nearly impossible to see it in our own life. During the time Baba left the body he said in the dream, five years of prison and I always had the feeling that being abducted into that dream of my ex who made it look nice, the same way look nice, later it felt like in the Rama story, when Sita saw the golden dear and Rama went to fetch it for her and it was the demon Ravana in disguise and he just waited until she was alone to take her as prisoner. It is a long story how she was freed by Hanuman, Rama’s biggest devotee.

The dream of the marriage arranged by Baba ended when I told him that it would not work like that and he ignored what I said and hit with a pot on my head, the child was not yet a year old and still a baby and I was somehow happy I survived, but because I couldn’t leave, my family was abroad and in Spain, it was in India I had to stay and it was still five years it really feels like being the prisoner of his dream, five long years, after a nervous breakdown Baba was in his dream and told him that I had to come to him and make peace with him, because I couldn’t get the right answer still.

And he had one more dream, in his dream Baba sent me back to my lovely husband, that was what he had said when I told the interview, I spoke of the interview questions Baba had asked and he said, he knew I belonged to him.

That was the end of the dream, because he didn’t send us back to him, there was ruin in the air and he said that we didn’t listen and therefore, had to get a divorce.

Now in the meantime we begin to understand it.

But of course, he didn’t want to hear it that way, because it didn’t arrange him. As long as it arranged him it was Baba’s Lila, afterwards, when he said something else, less pleasing and not what he wanted to hear, all that what didn’t fit anymore in his dream, he didn’t even answer.

He was just a bother, he went the path of least effort, didn’t take any responsibility for what he had done. His sister offered him to live at her place and he told me that was Baba and it arranged him perfectly and he didn’t care how we were, he didn’t answer when it was about divorce, probably he was afraid he had to pay something that means the first seven years he didn’t do anything at all and after she was already a teenager after being finally divorced, I was lucky and had the divorce agreement with me in the ashram and in Baba’s presence he signed, after he paid as little as possible for a few years and finally just two months before my mother died, he wanted to come an open a money box, more or less telling us that he had bullshitted us once more and that there would be no reason to come here to open a money box, if there would nothing to put in.

Anyhow he wanted to just fool us again as he did all his life. The result was ruin; it was in the inner view and not a dream as I thought first.

Baba had said in the dream, ‘I wanted big house’, but it was not a big house, it was a ruin and he was standing there in a red skirt, passion and he was not wearing pants and with a black fur jacket, like a women, but black is Tamas and said, that is all I could get in garage sales.

That was the end of it and the ruin of the house, nothing left of that dream which began years ahead in Baba’s presence and we projected I don’t know what in it.  

Baba said in the inner view after he left the body, ‘I wanted to fly’.

As I had been a TM Siddha and it was about yogic flying there were different reasons why and Baba also had an airport and not long ago the airplane landed, but in a crash in the midst of houses and gardens. It is quite work to understand the inner view and to get to the right answer in thinking it over again and again to finally find the right conclusion, but when it is right, we usually know.

Above Baba in the Darshan was, ‘I am that’ – it was standing in the air, it is about truth, insight, beauty, love and the right conclusion, but we have to get there to be able to see the difference between right and wrong. As we know from our prayer: Lead us from untruth to truth, from darkness to light and from death to immortality.