"You have heard heaven in the moments that you feel the sound of what you are. Those moments, through time made longer, grants you the truth. You feel the Temple bow at your feet, right now? You can feel it, can't you.
Because from your mind, even your mind, the Temple can hear the sound of the truth. Compassion and peace, happiness and joy, and everything in the Temple, the beautiful flowers, the little angel, everything, is in awe of God. And that is that sound you hear inside the sound. Can you hear it?" Mafu
It was during a meditation course. I went in direction of the higher self and had at the same time to pass a difficult test and I didn't feel calm enough, so I told myself, I should be more calm, and I thought, if I maybe would meditate more it will get better.
I went to a week meditation course and we did nothing but meditate in that time and we wrote the experiences down. I still remember how bored I felt in the beginning not used to that exercise and to always be in meditation.
And I was surprised because what I wrote down was the feeling that a beautiful melody came out of the heart of all hearts. It was just beautiful and I projected it outside in the mediation technique and thought I should go on, but in reality it was not about that mediation, but it was the higher self.
And what I missed was someone who would have told me just like that, that we feel the sound of what we are and if we make those moments longer it grants truth.
But it didn't get longer, it just got disturbed, because I looked again for it at the wrong place.
And if the pain gets too big we cannot feel it anymore. At some place I realized that it was about the pain and being able to feel it and that is what we did. It was lots of courage needed, but there was no enthusiasm, because it felt just like scars and even if it didn't feel like pain anymore the scars felt still like bleeding, because every scar was related to a pain and that pain felt heavy.
I know there is compassion and peace and there is happiness and joy in that temple and there are beautiful flowers and little angels and everything should be in awe of God, but the scars are bleeding.
I was always hoping to see the light of the higher self again in the dream until I realized that the sound was also the higher self, only it was on the hearing level, the light had been inner view.
The sound was also that expression of the truth just on the hearing level.
I can remember it, but there is that pain, because they said that it was due to that meditation and it was not, the meditation made that come up, but it was the higher self.
And I didn't realize that we got lost in that meditation practice, thinking that it was the right thing to do, when it had only been a means to get there, but to be there is another reality.
But what I was looking for the inner master and I thought because I wrote it down and we spoke with that TM-teacher that he was it, he was a kind of a replacement master, because the master was not there.
It was on thin ice.
It went on and he felt like soulmate, I thought it was the right direction. But it was also getting lost in that experience, immersed in a meditation practice and thinking it was right, we went on like that.
I wanted to know his thoughts about it and got into it, because it was his idea that I should go for TM teacher's training, they said it was more answers and more knowledge. He didn't tell me that I should have done it in French, if I wanted to keep that direction.
The missing information made it impossible to do it right, because it didn't work and behind it was impossible to see his intention, if he did it in purpose or not.
That is how the information got lost, the source got lost, it was not anymore possible to realize why it was like that and I met a real master, the yogi himself, he harmonized it from the inside that was present as perfect harmony. After the course I asked him about the going on and on and he nodded and still I thought it was the right direction and that it had to be like that, it was part of the meditation practice that it got lost.
I had some friends and all was somehow okay and working out until my sister got involved.
I guess that is why Baba said that I was let down by my family, in no time I had the feeling everybody turned into enemies and the family was included. People looked like puppets on a string and the hand was not there holding the puppets, yes, the master was not present and the leader was not okay as well. But behind that is the family and the fact that we were let down by them. In not time everybody turned into enemies and we went through hell, it is all rooted in the family.
I was not aware of it, therefore, after my mother came back from Spain she asked me to drive with her to my brother, she was old and I went and drove her to the hospital and afterwards was in the air, that my brother does the worst he can do.
I got worried and tried to know what he did and it got worse and worse and out of nothing, just because I worried about it and I had told him about the dream that he does the worst he can do, it ended in abuse.
In the inner view they all appear black, let down by all of them, none of them is an exception. Finally it is a reflection of that family as I know them all too well.
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