Forbearance, unlimited Patience and ability to forgive and forget

Divinity is the manifestation of Prema and Kshama. The virtue of Kshama (forbearance, unlimited patience and ability to forgive and forget) is not achieved by reading books or learnt from an instructor. Nor can it be received as a gift from someone. This prime virtue, can be acquired solely by self effort, by facing squarely diverse problems, difficulties of various sorts, anxieties, suffering as well as sorrow. In the absence of Kshama, you will become susceptible to all kinds of evil tendencies. Hatred and jealousy easily take root in a person lacking this virtue. Kshama gives complete protection to the one who possesses it. Hence Kshama, a priceless possession, is the greatest, grandest and the noblest amongst all virtues. Kshama is all encompassing.

Baba (thought for the day)

What about, 'no or newer'.
We can doubt it and try to forget it, but when listening to the inner voice that is rather difficult, we cannot really forget it, either we listen and inquire about it of we forget it and if we do not listen, we would not do it at all.

How do we manifest Prema (love) and Kshama (forbearance, unlimited patience and ability to forgive and forget)?

What Baba tells us here, it is not by reading books or it is not learnt from an instructor, it cannot be learnt as a technique, thinking of my old TM-friends or better TM-enemies, a bit from that and a bit from this, as much as it as pleasing to them, we had to get along with it, because he could do with us whatever he liked, one time it felt like friend, another time it felt like enemy, one time it was like heaven on earth, the other time it was like hell, we had to take those opposites with humor to not get an indigestion, but we probably got it anyhow ...

It cannot be a gift, it can only be acquired by self-effort.

What are the problems? Difficulties, anxieties, suffering as well as sorrow.

A question can be a problems that has to be solved and answered. After I had met the higher self, a lots of questions came up and they had to be solved and answered.

They said it will be all done if you go to the TTC-course, the Teacher's Training and I went, and in the end they asked if we had still a question. About the technical stuff we had learnt like Puja, Checking points, lectures and the procedure to initiated TM I had no problems, but about the real reason I was doing that course, I got no answers, therefore, it was not solved.

And as we see out of that text of Baba, we cannot learn it, so listening eight ours to tapes only didn't help, even if it also seemed to be self-effort to just have to listen to tapes all day. 

It is therefore, the value of Kshama, what gives us the strength to go on and to not be affected by evil tendencies. 

If there is hatred and jealousy it can take root in a person lacking that virtue. 

Hence Kama has a big value, it is priceless, great and grandest above noble virtues. 

Just last week I met a devotee in our center, she gave up her Seva amt and the way she wrote us letters, it was like what's the matter, what has happened to you?

She was in the study circle and said that she doesn't like to get angry, it means she was that upset, because she thinks she does a lot for the movement, but she had given up her office and was upset, she got real angry and I somehow wondered to not find any of that Kshama in her. 
She didn't understand that in giving up her office, she also had lost the voice to be in the meeting, but finally they found a way and she took over the office to replace the center leader if she would not be there. That way she can again bring in her ideas and thoughts.  

For me it is the opposite, I am glad if I don't have to listen to that.

But the office is what we have to hold on and it is a teacher of Baba, that is sathva and sathva begins bitter and it ends sweet. Rajas begins sweet and ends bitter and I had not long ago the possibility to face that Rajas, it felt like all bitter and I didn't really like it very much and even less getting aware of it.

I decided to go to Prasanthi soon, next holidays and that will be in about a month. I had not been there since Baba left the body.

Last night it let like in that present of the Lord in Kodai and it felt that good, it was such a great time. Whenever we went to India, we could see him or find him, he was always available. Either he was in Pasanthi or in Whitefield and in the summer we followed him with taxis, he was in Kodaikanal at the shore of a beautiful lake and we lived in the houses around that place.

The spirits were high and remembering it made me feel good.
I came back from work and after dinner the feeling had changed, I felt nearly like drunk, also a way I could see it, but it was still a good feeling, only I tried to feel more normal again and that didn't work also, so I took some sleeping aids, I didn't want to stay up all night and it felt like I couldn't close an eye, I had to take twice as much as I take usually, I guess I would have been awake all night, but I had to go to work today.
So it was probably also the additional sleeping aid which made me wake up this morning like groggy and I am still sitting here dazed and not feeling normal, waiting to get back to a normal state. 

But I am enjoying to look forwards to fly to Prasanthi and to spend some time there. 

The virtue of Kshama (forbearance, unlimited patience and ability to forgive and forget) is not achieved by reading books or learnt from an instructor. Nor can it be received as a gift from someone. This prime virtue, can be acquired solely by self effort, by facing squarely diverse problems, difficulties of various sorts, anxieties, suffering as well as sorrow.

It is just that quality of Kshama we developed in Baba's presence, going on no matter what happened, not choosing, but just doing it. And it is that what got disturbed with my ex who didn't care about living Baba's teaching. Kshama feels also like an inner trust, it makes us go on and a master is building that up in the background of an ideal like friendship or love or divinity. On the spiritual path when we meet stupid people who understand only part of it or just take advantage of it, they don't care to build up trust or to do his work, they just tell that Baba gives them exactly what they need to live up to their expectations and selfish needs.

In getting aware of that Kshama level and the strength related to it, it felt that good yesterday remembering that time with Baba in Kodai.

But it was also like an allergic reaction coming up on the level of digesting food, probably I just ate too much in that ecstatic feeling and if it would have only to do with food, it was still kind of surprising that it happened just in that moment.

I was remembering still the family, as I still work on getting the right insight, seeing the role of the mother not as she wanted us to see it, but as it really is, that attachment behind and the fact that I was let down by the family. It is that mixed up and changed and looking differently than it should be, it is kind of difficult to get the picture.
That could be a reason it turned in the opposite and it hit mostly as it seems on the level of digestion and I still feel like groggy and I even wondered if I was able to drive to work, but that was finally no problem.
But it still feels groggy. Probably I felt that disturbed by it that I took too many drugs to get out of it and it somehow didn't help. I just didn't want to be awake all night not being able to not sleep. And probably I will skip Lunch and we it will get better afterwards. 

It feels like an allergically reaction, my nose flowing, they eyes flowing, like I would have a cold and I don't know if it could end as a cold.   

In the absence of Kshama, you will become susceptible to all kinds of evil tendencies. Hatred and jealousy easily take root in a person lacking this virtue. Kshama gives complete protection to the one who possesses it. Hence Kshama, a priceless possession, is the greatest, grandest and the noblest amongst all virtues. Kshama is all encompassing.

The quality of Kshama seems something like invincibility. If we live in Kshama we feel protected and safe and that is what Baba is building up in telling us to trust in God and if we get together with people who are only taking advantage of it, they create doubt and spiritual ruin, because it destroys that Kshama value.

Funny enough I have experienced that already twice now.

Or what I remembered yesterday during the time with Baba in Kodai that was the Kshama part, it felt okay and good and as it was with my ex destroyed, I face also the other reactions but on the body part. For others it looks like I get a cold, who knows, maybe it is the beginning of a cold?

This prime virtue, can be acquired solely by self effort, by facing squarely diverse problems, difficulties of various sorts, anxieties, suffering as well as sorrow. In the absence of Kshama, you will become susceptible to all kinds of evil tendencies. Hatred and jealousy easily take root in a person lacking this virtue. Kshama gives complete protection to the one who possesses it. Hence Kshama, a priceless possession, is the greatest, grandest and the noblest amongst all virtues. Kshama is all encompassing.

It means for me it is more like a kind of anxiety disorder.
I got into that with my ex and it ended in a nervous breakdown. Always when I get aware of what we had before in the ashram with Baba, I feel it again and as it is Baba, it feels solid and good and I would like to hold on to it, but automatically the another side of it is there also.

Even if it felt safe and okay last night, on the background of that experience is the shadow the reality that we were let down by the family and that my ex only took advantage of it, too much sorrow, what is expressed as anxiety disorder, there is worry and sickness and headache and doubts and we don't know really where that comes from, it feels like a sickness, it just hits. That is the result of the past years with my ex. He has destroyed the safety level which was established with Baba.

So after feeling extremely good yesterday and like in Kodai Kanal with Baba's presence, I feel sick this morning and groggy.

Suffering, or pain in a broad sense, is an experience of unpleasantness and aversion associated with the perception of harm or threat of harm in an individual.

Suffering is the basic element that makes up the negative valence of affective phenomena.
Suffering may be qualified as physical or mental. It may come in all degrees of intensity, from mild to intolerable.

Suffering is therefore related to people who create harm, if we are deceived it is harmful and if our life gets destroyed it is harm, if we get into doubts and it is spiritual ruin it is harm that leads to suffering.
If a brother does the worst he can do, it is harmful and therefore, it creates suffering.

Factors of duration and frequency of occurrence usually compound that of intensity. Attitudes toward suffering may vary widely, in the sufferer or other people, according to how much it is regarded as avoidable or unavoidable, useful or useless, deserved or undeserved.
Suffering occurs in the lives of sentient beings in numerous manners, and often dramatically. As a result, many fields of human activity are concerned, from their own points of view, with some aspects of suffering. These aspects may include the nature of suffering, its processes, its origin and causes, its meaning and significance, its related personal, social, and cultural behaviors, its remedies, management, and uses.

 Wikipedia - Suffering

Sorrow is an emotion, feeling, or sentiment. Sorrow 'is more "intense" than sadness...it implies a long term state'. At the same time 'sorrow - but not unhappiness - suggests a degree of resignation...which lends sorrow its peculiar air of dignity'.
'In terms of attitude, sorrow can be said to be half way between sadness (accepting) and distress (not accepting)'.

Wikipedia - Sorrow

That we could feel during the time Baba left the body, it was sadness, but we had to accept it, but that my ex took only advantage of it that is distress and we are not able to accept it.

In that sense is sorrow between sadness and distress.

In remembering the good times we had with him in Kodai the time before I had met my ex, it feels real good and we would like to keep it, but the shadow is like haunting us and even if we don't want to look at it, the anxiety level was there on about all levels and most of all it was on the level of digestion and it feels freezing cold. 

That is the result of having been in that relationship with that guy. Even if I remember the good times and presence with Baba, there is another side to it and that cannot accept it as save, because it was not okay.

Freezing cold is like all energy left, the stomach is still not okay.
I guess if I could have gone to Baba as I did earlier, all that would just have gone away quite fast.

We could call it sorrow if things don't get okay again and it stays like that even if we try to do our best to get out of it.

We know the remedy and that is Forbearance, the ability to forgive and forget, but it has to be established by self-effort and that is what we are working at hopefully, to get again to that quality we call Forbearance.