Fear attracts the very Thing we Fear

Do not take life’s experiences too seriously. Above all, do not let them hurt you, for in reality they are nothing but dream experiences. Play your part in life, but never forget it is only a role.
If circumstances are bad and you have bear them, do not make them a part of yourself.
What you lose in the world will not be a loss to your soul.
Trust in God and destroy fear, which paralyses all efforts to succeed and attracts the very thing you fear. All Nature will commune with you when you are in tune with God. Realization of this truth will make you master of your destiny.
Yogananda

To be able to not take it too seriously means to be in peace with it. We cannot take life not seriously, if we are not in peace with ourselves and driven by inner conflict.

If the circumstances are bad, we should not make them part of ourselves, to remember that is not only helpful, but it reflects the reality that higher self is not part of the circumstances.

To be able to realize that if we do not trust in God and if there is fear, that it paralyses all efforts to succeed and it attracts that very thing we fear, that seems to be an insight which is not easy to get, because it is about fear.

I was looking at ‘neurotic fears’ searching for the right answer.
He is solving my problems ‘inside’ and giving the right clue in the right direction and it has to do with my ex and fear, moreover, neurotic fear.

It is kind of difficult to get into such a mind. And it feels always negative, even if we try to make it positive, because he is negative. He said I was the wife Baba sent to him…, and that he knew, why did he do it?
My question was, ‘what does he know’? It turns out it is an assumption that he knew and that it was Baba who did it was a dream.

That is how I got mixed up and it created dependence, what I didn’t realize first. But it was a trap, because I couldn’t get the answer and I had to get the answer.

He had made it look like it was Baba and as it turned out it was not, it was only a dream that it was Baba and all his problems were solved. 
Baba was in his dream and said that he lived a dream and therefore, it was his problem and not Baba’s. That was the answer, but not recognized and understood by him. Anyhow he could not live with it and accept it. 
If he would have considered that it was a dream or thought about it, he would have answered we go on in spite of it... making fun of me, because I was looking for answers and on that level there were no answers possible, as he couldn't accept it. 
Instead of letting go, because it was a dream and make the best out of it, he was was holding on forcing it to be what he wanted it to be. Baba said, he took advantage of it.
How do I understand it?

It got constantly worse, we were such a long time together because of him, I would have liked to leave, but I couldn't, there was no way out and the Baba Lila was not clear.
I couldn’t get an answer, but in reality he just did everything to not let us go and forced the situation imposing himself. 
After we left it took years again until the divorce papers were signed. He ignored it. In his presence I got aware of lethargy in the air and I didn't know how it got there. In Baba's presence he signed it and it felt like family, what in reality was a trap. It was very difficult.   

It was not Baba’s doing and it was not possible to ask him, he said it in the dream, which was ignored and also we had different dreams and as he looked for the fault outside and projected it on me, the Lila and reality was confusing, not as it should be. He couldn’t let go in spite of it.

In that situation it didn’t get better, it got worse.
Baba’s Lila ignored, not questioned, ex’s dream imposed and he blamed me that his dream didn’t work out. The result was a sick situation, the reason for the sickness seems to be ‘neurotic fears’.

No inquiry and no effort to know truth, no way he will understand it. He assumes that he understands, while he took only advantage of it what he also will not understand.
He got me into it and afterwards he blamed me for it.

The reality of a sick attitude seems to be neurotic fear what in return results in depression. No questions asked, no trying to understand it, avoiding it and finding other means, which cannot work out.
He doesn’t agree with Baba that he lived a dream, he is in a conflict.  

For me matters the source, neurotic fears, does that make possible to understand it? It seems psychotic, not able to distinguish between reality and dream. That is the point.
He took Baba’s interview questions for real for his own life situation, even though he was not in the interview. It was not about him, it had nothing to do with him. Baba’s presence made me go for it, because I projected meaning in it, even if it was sick, because I had to ask questions. He had asked questions and I had to get the answer, and my ex made me feel like I would get the answer with him.
The circumstances are mixed with Baba’s Lila, as it happened in the ashram and with trust in Baba, who said he would take care. That made it not easier, afterwards it got difficult.

It had been a Baba interview and Baba had asked questions and my ex answered it, and I wondered what he knew…? It looked all different in the ashram only positive, when in reality nothing seems positive really. 

Neurotic fear caused a dream for him. Baba involved, afterwards it seemed nearly impossible to get out of it.
I tried to make the best out of it, everything was in question I began to question and by that fight the apparent situation to get free of it. Bound to those circumstances it turned out to be enslaving.  

It is one thing to take life as it is and another thing to go through past experiences to realize the game, afterwards we can let go.

What comes up is the mental condition of my ex, he is not in good health as Baba said, we just didn’t get it.

Neurotic fear makes things seen as presence, what he reads is not hypothesis, but he interprets it as reality which happens now and in the present. He cannot distinguish between reality and dream.

I remember when I met he spoke about the shit will hit the fan in 1990 convinced it had to be like that. He took it for real.
I never saw his position and why he talked like that.
Baba’s game was for him not something to realize, but something already done. It was clear that he gave him the wife he wanted, just because he thought that it was real. It was clear that he would get the job, because he thought so.

The portrait of a neurasthenic is typical — this is a person who is quick-tempered, irritable, quickly wound up, "at the drop of a hat," in whom the nerves are clearly giving out (hypersthenic form of neurasthenia) or, just the opposite, lethargic, whining, feeling tiredness and exhaustion in all of his life powers (hyposthenic form). But it is interesting to note: the high irritability and irascibility of the neurosthenic is not directed toward himself, but towards others! Everybody and everything irritates him, he is often capricious, is easily angered and enraged, but almost never rises to the spiritual height of knowing his own imperfections, mistakes and sins. In this way, neurasthenia is more or less an egotistical neurosis, nurtured by the passion, which the holy fathers called pride or conceit.

It is generally accepted that this illness develops because of conflict of personality with self (intra-mental conflict) or with other people (inter-mental conflict). Neurosis is the clash between the desired and the actual. The stronger the clash, the worse the illness.

Some patients, suffering from prolonged neurosis, confessed: "Envy is destroying me. When I see that my neighbor or acquaintance has something better, I cannot sit still, it is as if I am burning up inside."

It goes definitely in that direction.

When I get one of his letters, it is not what it tells on the surface, but something like ‘he cannot sit still, because he cannot take it…, he just tries to find some crooked way to change it again, as it is not as he would like it to be.

The neurosis is the clash between the desired and the actual, stronger the clash, worse the illness.

It means if Baba tells him that he lived a dream, it makes the neurosis come up because it clashes between the desired and the actual.

And if I asked for divorce it was the same, he began to write that his ‘friend’ said that marriage cannot be divorced …, the conflict came up and he was not able to just go for what I asked him to do or for that what Baba said us to do, he just ignored everything I ever asked or said and he couldn't move, he didn't make one step in our direction. It was a helpless situation pleading to go by Baba's Lila, whatever that was, all for nothing.  

It was of no use and help that Baba had told him that he lived a dream, he cannot get it together. 

It means when I told him about the Sai Baba's interview and that he had asked, to whom I belonged... it made come up his neurosis and the reality that he was divorced and he wanted a wife...

As he couldn't take it that his desire was not fulfilled, he had to create a situation where it got fulfilled and anything was good enough to justify the means. It was not about me, not about us, but about his neurosis.

He had money, he said that he will have a good job, he will be very successful and even the partner of his former boss..., he knew that I was the wife Baba gave him... etc.

Can you imagine how it feels when you realize that this is all bullshit..., not true and a fantasy world and a sick guy said it and behind are neurotic fears (to miss it, to be a loser?) and he just took advantage of that moment?

That is the way we can get out of it and realize that we are not part of the circumstances, in fighting it we can get free.
Fighting it is putting it in question.