Illusion; Wrong Motives Attributed to His Action

Oblivious to the presence of the sacred Divine within, people embark on their quest for God. Avatars (incarnations) are of two kinds: Amsaavatar and Purnaavatar. All human beings are Amsaavatar (partial incarnation of the Divine). Mamaivaamso jeevaloke jeevabhutah sanatanah (In this world of living beings, it is a part of My Eternal Self that has become the Jiva, the individual soul), says Krishna in the Gita. These partial incarnations, caught up in Maya, develop egoism and possessiveness and lead worldly lives. However, the Purnaavatars (complete incarnations of the Divine), subduing and transcending Maya, manifest their full divinity to the world in their lives. The Purnaavatar may behave, according to the circumstances, as if subject to Maya, but in reality He is free from it at all times. But some, not understanding this truth owing to their own limitations, attribute wrong motives to His actions. In this they reflect their own feelings.

There was a feeling of family, it was present due to my ex. He said he had experience with TM and it was not true, he didn't do it. We were with Baba, he looked like he was a spiritual aspirant and it was not true, he didn't care about character, he took only advantage of it and he was living in the room of his former boss and he seemed also involved and that made it real, so many people involved on different levels all the same, that was the trap. Why should it not feel like family, but that feeling is an example of a wrong motive attributed to his action after all, I thought it was real and it was not. 

And I got aware of it that way, little by little, thinking it over and getting to the right insights. 

He talked a lot about his friend and I thought it had to do with TM, as yogis are our friends, in the meantime I know that about everything is dream only and nothing was real and he only took advantage of it. 

I loved my mediation and the big assemblies and mediating a long time and even in my parent's house things changed, my father began with meditation, my sister and my younger brother and for a short while it felt great.

After a while it didn't feel good and I got a book with some vibuthi in it, holy ash and I put it on my tongue in the meditation and it was the first contact with Swami, it was a fine feeling flowing downwards in direction of the heart and it was love and intensified it was present as a very tiny small form of divinity in the heart, that form was dark blue and beautiful.  

Above a annoying neighbor was 'village consciousness' in the air, but it didn't tell why and how, as time went by he came close instead of moving away. 

He sat in front of the door of my parent's house opposite the road and was harassing my life space. Once I had met him and his wife while doing the shopping for my mother and not aware of his bothering us in purpose, I enjoyed even to see them. That is when I noticed for the first time really that he seemed not that happy, he looked through me like I was not existing and that felt not right. 

If we don't like someone, we don't go and live opposite the road in the same village, same street as close as possible to upset, to manipulate and it came up with Swami in the ashram that he was responsible and that is was manipulation only. 

By my family it was ignored, my mother always said, what do you have, there is nothing, they made fun of it, because I was still disturbed by it, but it was enervating no matter what. 
But some, not understanding this truth owing to their own limitations, attribute wrong motives to His actions. In this they reflect their own feelings.

In the dream it was present as village consciousness, another insight I had to get an answer in time, but in that very moment I had no idea what it was.

I didn't know yet how to think it over and to see it in my own life until we get the feeling for it and we get the answer at some point. 

We learn to contemplate, how to listen, think it over, telling again and again our story in thinking it over until it makes sense. 

And that is thinking it over, we take Baba's words and look at it in the light of his words and that is how the insights grow and expand and we develop a feeling for it and sometimes really unpleasant insights come up like here, but nevertheless we get a feeling for it when he is telling us that wrong motives are attributed to his action.

Thus last night I remember a family feeling in Swami's presence in the ashram. 

It had been there when I met my ex and due to the feeling of being the same on many levels, not only TM, but also Baba and his boss as well, that was the family feeling, but it was also delusion and not real and we have to get aware of it, that it was there and that he could take advantage of it. 

We didn't realize that it was illusion and wrong motives attributed to his actions and it is not just on the mind level and understood at the outside of it, but in the insight as well and that is a different level of illusion.  

Everybody would have come to the conclusion that it is him as it was in the insight present and it was based on that family feeling, but where did it come from as it seems from his boss, it was at the source and he could take advantage of it, but it also created that delusion which was looking like Swami's Lila and it was not, it looked like his action and it was not. 

It was not explained by anything, there were no answers to it until he said as the man who comes in our dream to awake us the he took only advantage of it. 

We have to get aware of it what it means taking advantage of it and what and how and why and the source of it, there is a lot of mess actually. 

My ex said that he was meditating and he didn't, he had been initiated, he knew he would do it all his life and that his boss paid for it and he didn't do it and only later he said that he never did it actually. It didn't make sense, he never cared to do it, so why did he tell he did it and it is all in the shadow of his big boss in whose room he was living in and with that together he created the delusion that it was real when it was not. 

He just said it to be ablt to take advantage of it. It was a family feeling created in Swami's presence as there were that many people involved, he, his boss and Swami in the ashram, all on the same level, only later and in the US it was gone and nowhere present anymore. 

Illusion means it is not real, a feeling that was attributed to the divine action and not real and we think everything fine and it will be okay, we trust in it, because of the divine presence and that is how it began. 

But one day it was nowhere anymore, it was gone and I wondered even what I did there and how I got there and why I was at that place and how I got there, it was all gone, the whole motivation didn't make any sense anymore. Swami was in my dream as vampire and with a very long nose, he had two faces, one was taking advantage of it that was the blood sucker and the other was the one that fooled us. 

It was all based on delusion, nothing was real and it was also not possible to get the right answer. It was like nowhere anymore, it was not in my ex, it was not in satsangs, it was not present in devotional singing, it was nowhere and it said in the insight, 'if we don't know the source, we cannot understand it', but what was at the source? 

It was like a mirage in the sky, it looked good, it felt good, it was like Swami's presence, but it was no more and it was like not real, it was a dream. It is just a mirage, something that doesn't exist, Maya, illusion. 

That is how we got wrong motives attributed to his action and we thought that he took care of it, but it was not true. 

Now my ex was constantly talking about his boss and he was in is room and the reason that he wanted his job back and both together felt like family, he said he was the same and both were like me with TM and now with Baba and it was all the same, one big happy family gathering, only it was not true and not real. 

It was not real and we got aware of it because it was not in my ex, it was not in the ashram, not in devotees and it was gone and it was not in his former boss, it was not even possible to talk about it, it was Maya, the mirage of something that reflected a state of mind that was not real, it was a dream.  

It seemed even more great and brighter at that time due to Swami's presence and that is how we went into something that really doesn't exist. Illusion is something, that doesn't exist and as it was based on someones room and a background which I didn't know, I thought it was Swami, they were two people and it felt like real, but he was just taking advantage of it. 

He is telling us in these words here, it was wrong motive attributed to his action. 

After we came back, it was nowhere to be found, it made no sense.

Until he began to come in my dreams and from the insight it began to change and he said that it was a mud hole. We were trapped in it and most of all the child, when the mud came in she was gone in the mud and I had to run out fast otherwise, it destroyed me as well. That was not a good insight. 

It didn't even come to my mind that it could be an illusion, it was a mirage, an appearance of something that doesn't exist, of something I couldn't find afterwards anymore. In reality it was Maya was smiling at us, 'got you'. 

The motive attributed to the divine action was actually somewhere else, not in Swami, but in my ex just taking advantage of it and living a dream. 

The man who comes in our dream to awake us said in his dream, 'I warn you in that room you will not get the right answer' and it was really about the room, a feeling of family because of several people involved. It means it exists only in the mind and not in reality and it is no family if we go and look at it, it is not real, it doesn't exist on any level. 

Oblivious to the presence of the sacred Divine within, people embark on their quest for God. Avatars (incarnations) are of two kinds: Amsaavatar and Purnaavatar. All human beings are Amsaavatar (partial incarnation of the Divine). Mamaivaamso jeevaloke jeevabhutah sanatanah (In this world of living beings, it is a part of My Eternal Self that has become the Jiva, the individual soul), says Krishna in the Gita. These partial incarnations, caught up in Maya, develop egoism and possessiveness and lead worldly lives.

When I went to Swami I hoped it would get answers. In an interview he asked, how do you feel and I said, 'good Swami', it was the only place I felt good really at that time and he said, 'that is not true' and I thought if I don't feel good with him, when do I feel good actually? 

I didn't know how I felt, nothing was like it seemed to be and nothing ever had been as it seemed to be. I would have liked to go back and just felt like when we began with meditation, it felt good and there were some happiness and I liked my meditations and the big assemblies and after I came back from Swami everything what had been before was gone. 

Contemplation is like setting the image right seeing it in the right light because we think it over and listen to his words, we get aware of it. We begin to understand and feel it from the inside.   

However, the Purnaavatars (complete incarnations of the Divine), subduing and transcending Maya, manifest their full divinity to the world in their lives.

The reason for the insight is, he is there to transcend and subdue Maya, the illusion and we make that experience in one way or another that Maya, illusion looks beautiful and if we go for it, we have wrong motives attributed to his action, we think it is Swami, but it was never Swami, we were taken advantage of that we believed it was Swami. 

The avatar is subduing and transcending Maya, if we attached something that was just attributed to him, we will not get the right answer, because it is not real, nothing real is in a dream. 

It is the delusion and appearance only and a mind reality and when we look for it we will not find it, nowhere actually, as it is not real, it is just fantasy. We only find him if we find our real self and transcends it.

The Purnaavatar may behave, according to the circumstances, as if subject to Maya, but in reality He is free from it at all times.

According to the circumstances, we see it as subject to Maya, but in reality he is free from it all times. 

We were motivated by the delusion of it as it was looking good and like the solution to the problem and it seemed present in Swami to find that it is no more present later on and we cannot find it no matter where we are looking for, it was an example of appearance of a someone who took advantage of it and made it look like something it was not, there was no family behind it. 

How can that family be real if the source of it is nowhere to be found? 

And we find that it is not in Swami. It is not possible to address it and it is not possible to find the source of it, it is unknown. It is not possible to talk about it as it has no reason to exist. It has no reality to it; it is a mirage, an appearance of something that doesn't exist, it was a dream.

Where is the reality of that family feeling gone? How did it come into being?

He said it, he lived a dream, that was his dream. 

It is nowhere to be found, not even the source of it as it has no reason to be really. 

It was all veiled behind illusion, nothing is real, it is Maya. That is how we get the feeling if we are fooled by someone into something and he had no respect for Swami's teaching but took only advantage of it. 

But some, not understanding this truth owing to their own limitations, attribute wrong motives to His actions. In this they reflect their own feelings.

Some not understanding that truth and owing to their own limitations … We have to get aware of our own limitations in the mind. The limitations in my mind was the feeling of no home, so he made it like an attractive home to be, a dream only. 

Thus Swami was in his dream and said, 'give, give, give, I will not give, you lived a dream, that is your problem not mine'. 

We know it since a long time, but getting the insights in the dream is not the same as in the mind. Fooled by it and living something that has never been true, using the delusive power of nature in his advantage to fool us into it and we think because we are in the ashram and people are honest, it looks like Swami and his big boss room was part of it, it made it look real. 

We have to get aware of our own limitations in the mind. It doesn't just get transcended in silence, it has to be realized that it is the mind. If it would be possible to just transcend it with silence, we could do it only with meditation, but we need contemplation getting aware of it to know the difference between the mind and Atma or illusion and reality. 

With only mantra repetition we don't get aware of the limitations in the mind, we just transcend it but it doesn't make us aware of it. If we think it over and follow the master and see it in our own life we get aware of it.

Our own limitations in our mind attribute wrong motives to his actions. 

I forgot that feeling behind it and that it was the motivation attributed to him thinking it was a Swami Lila when in reality it was his dream and illusion only and he took only advantage of it. 

We know that he lived a dream, but it is that awkward to be fooled in that way into something that we lived that stupid dream with that awful guy. 

It was the feeling of family he created in talking about several people as being the same and it worked, it created that delusion when in reality he never meditated and he was not who he said he was.  

Afterwards every word he said he destroyed my self-respect and my own values, it was actually awful how we felt insulted and abused like a fool and I couldn't react because if I did I was scared someone would get killed, he made us feel like a fool. 

No reality to it and it was a catastrophe. There was no Swami, we could look for the right answer as much as we wanted, there was no right answer, it was a trap. 

And he made fun of it and told us he could never have done that with someone else and it still feels like shame that it has happened and it was possible to get into it. It was dangerous, that was the mud hole, the result of a beautiful but not real family feeling.

We get aware of how illusion works and why we went for it and how we attributed wrong motivation to his action. 

I didn't know how I got into it, we can see it how it was created. 
He lived a dream and we got cautht in it. Afterwards it felt like we were stupid enough to idealize everything, we looked at the good, do good and feel good and became the target of someone like that. It was the end of it, a long time I didn't wanted to hear anymore about do good and be good and such stuff.  

It was taken advantage off by someone, it will be destroying himself and we had just to go on proving character and living that shit in someones grip who was a vampire and had a long nose and we were fooled into it. That was actually not that nice and that is our experience of wrong motives attributed to his actions, one of the worst experiences ever. 

In seeing good we just were food for the wolfs, that is how it felt afterwards. 

The delusion was feeling, 'family' as it is no existing reality and it was the way he took advantage of it. He made it look real, sharing on many levels and we thought it was Swami and that was the wrong motives attributed to his action and once we were in it, there was no more way out of it. 

In this they reflect their own feelings.

That is what we have to realize it is in our own feelings. Most of people seem not to understand how it can happen, they don't have the experience of it, illusion is part of the mind. 
It was difficult to get out of it as we didn't know anymore how we got into that situation and we should do it right and not wrong, but for that we had to get aware of it and it was no joy getting aware of that. Actually we always see it better than it really was and we tried to excuse it what is not excusable. The source was not known and if we don't know the source, we cannot understand it. 

It is about Swami's words and getting aware of it how we can attribute it to him and see the motivation in him. 
I get upset getting aware of it, they way someone took advantage of it and how it was used only in his favors and he made us look and feel like fools. 

After all it reflected my own feelings, if there would not have been a lack of family it would not have had that attraction, but in reality it is nobody, it just doesn't exist, it is not in him, not in anybody and for sure not in the satsang and not in Swami, it was just a mirage looking good about something which doesn't exist. 
The wrong motives were created on the feeling level because someone took advantage of it as it seems, if two or three are in my name togther I am in the midst of it, so it looked like two or three, we were three people actually all looking like the same on different levels and that created the wrong motives. It is all delusion, nothing of it was real and nothing exists. 

But some, not understanding this truth owing to their own limitations, attribute wrong motives to His actions. In this they reflect their own feelings.