Born of Joy - a Life in Ananda

Everyone wants to be happy. Such a desire is natural and it springs from the fact that your true nature is bliss. Bliss is God but somehow people don’t get that! You are born of joy (ananda), the basis of your life is ananda, and your goal must also be ananda. Truly speaking, it is not difficult to know what the basis and goal of life should be. Prahlada got it! He realized that God is Omnipresent and saw unity in diversity. He clearly perceived Narayana to be the substratum of everything in creation and happily surrendered to Him. His father Hiranyakasipu was just the opposite. He saw diversity in unity and became deluded by the multiplicity of forms in Creation, each with its own name. Clearly understand that you originate from God, that your life’s undercurrent is God, and your final destination also is God. Bliss should be the goal in your life, and seek it in all earnestness.

Baba (thought for the day)

Everyone wants to be happy, that is why we meditate to purify our mind and by that we realize that happiness in our own self. We learnt that life is going in direction of more and more happiness and in general in direction of more and more and we used that tendency of the mind to transcend our thoughts and the mind. It was a good thing to do and we got inside in touch with divinity in the heart and went to Baba. Before we knew that our meditation mattered, that were our office hours and we initiated people into meditation, if more people meditated the effect on consciousness was better and we had a duty and we thought we would to that all our life and after we went to India, we were in his presence and came back and here everything what had mattered before was gone. Now it didn’t matter anymore to meditate, but just he mattered and so we sat in his Darshan and tried to go on with that change from being ‘engaged’ in purification of the mind knowing if we want to be happy, we have to purify the mind to sitting in his Darshan and making the experience that only he mattered.

Our life as it had been before was gone and he said, ‘don’t worry, I will take care of it and why are you that old and not married and he said even a name and so we had even more reason to sit there in India and to wait for it that he took care of it, we only didn’t expect it to end in a catastrophe. Now the catastrophe had been in the air above my father and I didn’t know why and I also tried to find out and I wrote him that the catastrophe had been above him in the air and for a moment he looked scared, but nothing else happened, there was no idea what that ‘catastrophe’ was in the air above his head.

So we sat in his Darshan and got used to it that only he mattered. Everybody said that we have a duty back at our place, but as that duty had been teaching meditation, the duty was gone. 

But it felt that right and good to go to him and to be in the ashram and the only problem was to get more money to be able to stay longer, because for that we had to go back and work and I didn’t like that going back and forth. 

Before I had a life at my place and I had something to do and I felt somehow integrated and that was gone and I tried to get something to do again and he said, ‘wait, wait, wait, wait’, not only three times, but four times and you know what happened that was in the interview room and it was like all people were holding on the breath because he said 4 times wait and I felt the tears in my eyes and it felt awful and afterwards when he came back he made the nicest smile he could and he took my hand when we went out of the room and we went back in the other room and that is how we had to wait and nothing changed and I didn’t feel better or okay when coming back in my country and nobody told me why.

I had been before in Paris with the Hare Krishnas and I had lost all contact to those people and I had lost also the contact to the meditation movement and now I sat In India and I had to listen to that 4 times wait, what was I waiting for? And I didn’t know what to do when I came back in my country.

Why did I go to him? The experiences during meditation changed. I had been in a relationship with the national leader and it was in the insight that the whole think broke into pieces, now that was not nice, but it happened. And they were puppets on a string and the hand (the master) who had made the puppets was not present and they all turned into enemies. Now out of distance, as we are no more there and we don’t have to experience it anymore, it is not such an issue, but the point is, when I was there it was not out of distance and it was a huge issue.  

During that time we had to initiate people so that more people could find that happiness at the inside and as he is telling us here, it is natural and it comes for the fact that our true nature is bliss.

Everyone wants to be happy. Such a desire is natural and it springs from the fact that your true nature is bliss. Bliss is God but somehow people don’t get that!

I had been waiting and watching until that was there in the dream reflected as the higher self. It was only beauty and light and love – bliss. And from that moment on I knew I wanted only ‘that’ and the question was how to understand it or how to live it. I went in that direction as it should make sense. And that seemed perfectly alright when we initiated people into mediation, only the answers were not there and it broke into pieces.

And now I sat in Darshan and we had interview and Baba asked, ‘what do you want?’ and I said that my boyfriend was in that moment with the Maharishi in New Delhi and I was with him and that was my problem. So he asked, ‘who is your friend, is the Maharishi (a yogi) your friend or is the friend with the Maharishi’ and for me it was the last situation, he was my boyfriend and I had not much reason to question it, but after all it was the wrong answer and he said, ‘that is very difficult to understand, just think about God and TM is not the right path’.

And that was it, that means my past life, my duty or job was gone and my boyfriend as well. I had been working non-stop for them with that boyfriend and it was my life only and that was also gone. It was a disaster. 

What I concluded afterwards that it was all wrong and that I didn’t understand or see it right, because the master was not there, the feeling of friendship was projected on the boyfriend when in reality it should have been the master and everywhere in the ashram it said, ‘yogis are your friends’ and I went on in a kind of in shock just going on hoping I would ever get my ‘job’ back what was the meditation-teacher, knowing that it was gone as well. 

But it had been a service to society and we were not paid for it and we did it around the clock and I liked it, but I didn’t like it anymore after all appeared as enemies, because that were only troubles after all and it was not anymore possible to do actually my job after it looked like that.

I had to find out what had happened that it all had turned into the opposite and that is how I got aware that actually my so called ‘friend’ was only an actor and not a yogi and that was the reason why it broke into pieces and also because the movement seemed to have the form of a pyramid and he was on the top, nobody should pass him and somehow it looked like I just did that, I had passed him and there was nowhere to go up there, but to fall down.

So I sat in Darshan and I didn’t understand it and time past and I got older and I had been already 36 when I went to Baba and there was no time to lose and nothing happened anymore and he said ‘wait, wait, wait, wait’ four times not only three and in Darshan I was myself pacing like a tigress back and forth just waiting for the moment when the door would be open to jump out into freedom. I had actually no idea of my real feeling because in his presence it felt somehow okay, I just would have liked to get out of it and I didn’t know how.

And he asked in my dream, why are you that old and not married and that was just the type of question I wanted him to ask, I felt even in the dream ashamed of that question as I was still sitting in Darshan and he said it four times to wait and I got older and now I had to be ashamed of that as well, it felt like on the surface it got better but in reality I began to panic and it was not only fear, but panic behind it.  

You are born of joy (ananda), the basis of your life is ananda, and your goal must also be ananda. Truly speaking, it is not difficult to know what the basis and goal of life should be. Prahlada got it! He realized that God is Omnipresent and saw unity in diversity. He clearly perceived Narayana to be the substratum of everything in creation and happily surrendered to Him.

We also got it. 

He is the man who comes in our dream to awake us and he was in the dream and said, ‘I am the One’. Now in the dream that means there is only that one and all ‘I’s are part of it. The dream state doesn’t make a difference between him and us, it is all the same and in the dream it had nothing to do with the man who is in our dream to awake us, it had only to do with him … He said it and He is in everybody the same higher self. He is the Atmic principle and He is ‘that’ and that is why we don’t question it when we see him in our dream as, ‘I am that One’ – He is the man in our dream who is there to awake us. There is nobody else in the dream but He and only He can tell such a thing that he is the only one and present in every ‘I’ in the universe, now it is too much for the mind to get it, therefore, we let it be as an insight and go on, but we also got it! 

We also realized by that dream and the reflection of the omnipresent God in the dream as, ‘I am the One’ that unity is in diversity.

He is the man who comes in our dreams to awake us, that is what Baba said, isn’t it?

To get to that insight we have to wait and that is probably the reason why I had to wait …, even if it felt like impossible to wait any longer and we don’t have to wait only, we also have to listen to him and we tried to listen to him, but it is more than only listening, it is also thinking it over to be able to absorb the wisdom. We have to see it in our own life that it makes sense.

After I met in the ashram a guy and he said that ‘I belonged to him’ and as it had been about ‘husband’ and he will take care we went ahead hoping that it would be ‘that’, but it was not. He said he meditated, he didn’t and he said he listened to Baba and it was not true, it turned out as falsehood and it ended not with human values and non-violence, but with the absence of human values and violence and as he is telling us it is due to attachment and as it seems also hatred, so we didn’t develop ‘pure love’ by it, but we also didn't know what it was.

But I had experienced that ‘pure love’ already when I went for the meditation teacher and the first time I was standing during that teacher’s training course in front of the Maharishi it was in the air as ‘pure love’, but nobody made such a thing out of it, nobody talked about ‘pure love’, we just talked about meditation and so I had after all forgotten it, but listening to Baba now actually and in doing the study circle I got aware that he was constantly talking about ‘pure love’ and something in me said but that was there already a long time ago.

I had forgotten it. With that relationship I went down the drain, down the escalator really that was present in the dream as the man who is there to awake us, I went down with him the escalator and into something which was actually awful and the opposite of it and it went straight into a nervous breakdown, no answers, no insights, everything felt wrong and I was still trapped only this time in the relationship instead of the ashram.

After the attack of violence in the ashram when I was actually glad to survive it, there he was in the insight we went down the escalator and he felt like a prince and I had married it and at the bottom was a big check what means only empty promises.

So by that dream I knew he would get me out of it I just had to wait for the prince to get out of it again and I waited until we went to him and there he was during a Darshan the prince and it was the end of that sick relationship.

After it took seven years to sign the divorce papers and the man in the dream said, ‘you didn’t listen, you have to get a divorce’, but it didn’t make him listen and after seven years after all I knew that he didn’t listen and in is presence he signed it and it was not done, oh no, it went on because I came back and worked now for a lawyer who helped a very rich Russian guy by illegal means into the Swiss industry and I worked for that guy and there was Baba in it. If there would not have been Baba in it, I would have changed the job already at the beginning, but as he was in it, we had to go on and it ended as a disaster and he said, we can use that.

And I had enough of using that and being subjected to the worst we can imagine happening with him. We lost the job of course and they were like chickens on the slaughter belt and it was all upside down and dark and all was hidden behind ‘love stories’ and they had meetings in top hotels and they told us that the rich Russian guy had dates with some lady there and our boss asked us if we loved him… yes him, it was all manipulation and our attention was put on love stories so that we were distracted and not aware what was really going on in the background as it was at that time still in the oven and it was illegal and in the mean time it is done and official and it has been established, nobody can do anything about it anymore. The government went to court, but they lost, that is why we were like chickens on the laughter belt and every year one was slaughtered to make sure that nobody got the manipulation in the background.

After that I had enough I went into dancing and dynamic mediation and I considered my life a catastrophe and that has been confirmed in the mean time, it has turned with my ex and Baba and what he ‘engaged’ me to … into a catastrophe, what has to do with the catastrophe above the head of my father … easy it is the father's fault after all, isn’t it? Or maybe it was about the father in the air, because my life turned into a catastrophe, his was no catastrophe. It is like a joke, no it is a catastrophe. 
And I still don’t know exactly why it was in the air above the head of the father, because he was not aware of it?

Was he the demon? I guess it is more likely 'my catastrophe' what was in the air and my life mirrored above his head and the question is why and Baba said it when he left the body, he said that I had been let down by the family and that was the reason what has turned it into a catastrophe as it seems. 

It is a catastrophe because I had been let down by the family, but it was mostly the mother she refused to look at the situation in the neighborhood and so it was again related to the father and had also to do with him that catastrophe. 
Baba said in my dream that I had been let down by my family and I had to get aware of it as I tried to see in everything divinity only I tried to look at it only the good way as I guess lots of devotees actually do.

There has been no miracle and no change for the better really, whatever was there what could be the worst that had happened after all. I let go the good opportunities in my life and I went for the worst that is the conclusion and it means since about thirty years I have done nothing but waiting and we still wait for a miracle maybe only in the mean time we write about it and share it with other.

His father Hiranyakasipu was just the opposite. He saw diversity in unity and became deluded by the multiplicity of forms in Creation, each with its own name. Clearly understand that you originate from God, that your life’s undercurrent is God, and your final destination also is God. Bliss should be the goal in your life, and seek it in all earnestness.

My father had not a spiritual education and he just lived his life and if he is a demon I cannot help it, but he didn’t have to listen to that wait four times and afterwards everything turned into the worst what could happen at least he did it himself. If we screw it up we at least should do it alone and not with the help of divinity.

So today we have big visit here and I intended to go, but you know what, as long as I feel like that and get that upset that I had to wait thirty years to get to the conclusion of a catastrophe … I will just not go. I can to that better by myself and if I go into a catastrophe I would like to know that I did it myself and I was not lead into it by divinity in person.

He said, ‘you and I are we’ and that is why he said ‘engaged’ and why all that talk about husband and what is your relationship etc. We cannot realize the Oneness he is talking about here with Prahlada if there is not two first. He always said, not on that level, so I went for a relationship and was together with a vampire who said he meditated, but he never did it and he got along with it, because it was in Baba’s presence in the ashram and that is why Baba appeared as a long nose Baba, that is falsehood and as vampire, just taking advantage of it and living of the energy of the others … and he also said, ‘no more husband, nothing left but an empty Western shoe’, it is all a Lila and it has nothing to do with the imaginative faculty of the mind. It would be actually better if it would just be imagination and not real. 
Take it easy, it is anyhow his Lila if we like it or not. 

I went with him into that and I am still because of him in that and that is why I am writing because he said so, ‘he was holding up the book, when I came back here years ago in 97’, it was just a month or so before the death of my father, it was the man in the dream who is there to awake us and you know what, of course, it is Lila and it has nothing to do whatsoever with ex or someone else, they call it only he mind ... the catastrophe is the mind game or a mental processing and not Baba. He is the man in our dream who is there to awake us, but how can someone who has no dreams of him know what it means and no the difference between mind and the man in our dream?

It turned again into a catastrophe and even Baba said that he was because of that reason in the wheelchair, difficult to take, but also the man in the dream and also a catastrophe as it seems.
Someone who thinks it is only mind - will conclude, but that is only your imagination and what is now developing the imaginative faculty of the mind and what is real? 
How do we know the difference between the man in our dream who is there to awake us and someone who doesn't want to know it - telling it is only the mind and the imaginative faculty of the mind?

The man in the dream who is there to awake us said also, ‘I am the insight and I am the following step’, it seems only that I have to deal only with guys who had no insights. He is not there in your dream and he is not anymore in my ex’s dreams, he was there before until we left and after we left also Baba was gone and during the time we were with that guy Baba became the face of a vampire and a very long nose.

That is what I had been asked for to wait for ‘4 times’, no I am not waiting anymore and I will not go and see anybody who is coming may it be him or not. I was still there when he left the body and I also didn’t wanted to go and he said, if you don’t go you will miss it, so I again went, but now it is different, now I know I can see whoever I see, it will not change anymore and I have been all my life waiting to get aware of the catastrophe that I can share in writing, but I will go nowhere to meet with him.

I am that upset and not in peace with it … and that is why we went to Baba in the ashram and he said that I had to go and make peace with Baba and he made fun of it and said who has to go and make peace with Sai Baba.

He was right, I am not in peace with it and that is why we went to him years ago and all what comes out by it is again a catastrophe, we can turn it around as we want, it is a catastrophe and I am not in peace with a catastrophe. That is why Baba said my ex that I have to go to him and make peace with him … is there peace, if that is peace …?

We went to him, but it was not possible to live in peace with it.

That peace is a catastrophe and he said ‘four times wait’ and where did it lead to another catastrophe …

It is gone, the duty and I liked is gone and it was seva and it served the world and I always went on with meditation as I had been a meditation-teacher and there had been ‘pure love’ and everything he is teaching is just for that ‘pure love’ and he always said he will give a job, but there is no job, even when he is telling us, ‘congratulation, you got a new job’, what is the result, not a job but a catastrophe again …

I wait for that 'job' since I went to him and that was in 86 - that means thirty years ago and he always said wait and I will give - another job ..., but there is no job as the meditation teacher had been ... nothing was able to replace that job, we are talking about seva, but there is nothing happening in that direction, with the Maharishi we didn't talk only, we actually did it.
And the result is just a catastrophe ..., everything went down and turned into being wrong and it feels like the worst what could happen has actually happened.

So I cannot do it because it was in the inner view a catastrophe ...

His presence is felt in the air and that feels good, even if I am not able to go and share it with others. Maybe it feels even better if we just stay where we are being aware of his presence and just write about that presence. 

So we go on with meditation as we know we are born from ananda, we are born from joy, it was present when I was a small child in my mother, there was joy when I listened to her voice and the same joy was in my daughter, the principle of the mother is divine. 

So let's go on and meditate and purify the mind and never forget that the basis of life is Ananda. 
At least like that 'He' is present and not something else what people think it is him and we cannot feel him in it and afterwards he is telling in the inner view in our dream where he is present to awake us, 'only vegetables'. And I wondered why only vegetables, why that expression - vegetables, but of course, as I know you - you will tell, that is only your mind even if the expression - vegetables has another meaning in my mind and I would never call it like that. 
He said that they don't want to listen to him and listen to his words, because he is Veda, they want to listen to their own words and that is not veda. Actually that is just common sense, it doesn't need much discrimination to know that we are not on the level to be Veda and therefore, he is only present if we use his words and his real words, those in the speeches and the thought for the day and our dreams are reflections of it and not him in our dream ... that are our words not his, but the thought for the day are his words and not ours. 

The expression 'vegetables' has to be confirmed by him and it will on a certain moment in time when we read it in the thought for the day, he will confirm that way that it is him the man who is present in our dream to awak us and that is not our mind and about developing the imaginative faculty of the mind. 
We know the difference when he confirms it with his words and until then we go on writing and thinking about it.