Have faith that
Truth will save you in the long run; stick to it, regardless of what might
befall. For if you are true, the sense of guilt will not gnaw your insides and
cause pain. It is cowardice that makes you hide the truth; it is hatred that
sharpens the edge of falsehood. Be bold and there is no need for a lie. Be full
of love and there is no need for subterfuge. The easiest habit is speaking the
truth, honesty; for if you start telling lies, you will have to keep count of
them and remember how many you have told to whom, and be always alert not to
contradict one lie with another! Love a person and you need no longer deceive
the person with a lie; you will feel that the loved one deserves the truth and
nothing less than the truth. Love saves a good deal of bother.
Baba (thought for
the day)
If
he tells us that truth will save us in the long run and that we should stick to
it, regardless of what might befall, he more or less tells exactly what
happened between us.
For if you are true,
the sense of guilt will not gnaw your insides and cause pain. It is cowardice
that makes you hide the truth; it is hatred that sharpens the edge of falsehood.
Be bold and there is no need for a lie.
Since
I had been about seventeen I went in direction of self-realization. I was in
Neuchatel and in a love story with someone and with him I went to Geneva and I
was waiting for the higher self to make the decision for me. I was just
watching and not taking any decision until the higher self from the inside
would show me were to go. One night in
Geneva it was in my dream, a beautiful white light and it was love only and all
I wanted. I changed the job because I didn’t need to wait any longer and I got
a new job in a bank and there I met the Hare Krishnas, they were selling books.
On the way to work I saw the light passing by in a couple and it was like a
sign to look at everything what was passing my way. I got the Bhagavad-Gita and
afterwards I went for a visit, because in reading the Bhagavad-Gita and the
Bhagavatam lots of questions came up. And I spent fourteen days with the Hare
Krishnas and stopped smoking and I hoped I would be able to know more about the
light of the self I had met in the dream.
Like
taken out of my control and I had to do what they told me to do. I was scared
and I managed to finally come back from Germany and I found only problems, a
Hare Krishna couple was living in my apartment, but without paying my bills and
another couple had taken my car, at least they paid the gas.
But
it was like too much to take everything out of my hand and I got a bill of
taxes assessment because I had never failed anything and my address was still
in Geneva, so I came back and had only problems. I don’t know what scared me
more, that this happened to me or that they just took over my life. I met you
and so we came together, it was a difficult time and when the monks noticed
that they couldn’t do whatever they wanted with me, they agreed that I lived
with you only.
And
that is what I did.
But
I was from the beginning not sure that we would be always together. They tried
to impose on us marriage and I was also scared of that, it was too fast,
everything went too fast and gave me the feeling my life was out of control.
It was a kind of panic to get things together again and so I went to Paris and still waited to find a way how to get it together
again.
I was actually afraid of the monks because they just told us what to do and we were expected to obey. I had the
feeling they could do whatever they wanted and it felt better being in a kind of shelter with one person only.
I had a problem with only cooking
and eating food, I didn’t like it, always being full and stuffed and eating more
or less constantly and regularly too much.
I liked the meditation first, but
Japa was on the outer level and therefore, I didn’t get inside and I noticed
that I preferred the inside silence.
My
family was in shock when they noticed where I was and tried to get
me out of it and my car. They took over everything.
It was too overwhelming and
I had the impression to lose control totally and to be at their mercy. I didn’t trust the Hare Krishnas. I didn’t know what to do
with everything imposed. I tried to learn from it and we had to accept truth, but I didn’t know how to understand it, what was right and what was wrong, when we accept truth, we also have to accept right action.
It was like no freedom of
self at all and not what I wanted as self-realization. So after we went to
Paris I doubted that I would go on and it
was no question anymore talking about marriage, I began to study French, so at
least I used my time as I could use that in my job in the office if I
would one day have to come back.
I
began with TM because it was silent sitting and inside and it went as I hoped
more in direction of inner seeing, as the Maharishi was a big seer.
I went into
the siddhi prep course and there I had an experience with the higher self,
there was a beautiful melody coming out of the heart of all hearts.
That
was like a call to go in that direction, it was very beautiful.
There
was an insight in the dream, what I didn’t know yet at that time, the
difference between insights and dream was not yet clear, but I knew it would
happen and there was an open window and a beautiful melody coming from the
mountains and that was TM.
The Maharishi was in Seelisberg and I knew that I
would go back, it was like a call from the Swiss mountains to come home.
It
was just about beauty and going inside and in direction of that love and
beauty.
It is cowardice that
makes you hide the truth; it is hatred that sharpens the edge of falsehood. Be
bold and there is no need for a lie. Be full of love and there is no need for
subterfuge.
I was focused on self-level with TM and the sutras and our
former life was no more the same. The meditation together was okay, but when I
came back, there was another woman, no matter if she was with the Hare Krishnas or on the spiritual path or not, it was like, okay, I don’t have to feel
bad, I was free to go and I went.
There was no address from your side. I didn’t know where to reach you, you were not with the Hare Krishnas
anymore. That is how the connection with the Hare Krishnas got lost. I didn’t like it, because I didn’t like to cook and eat
always, that was for me really something I didn’t like and I still don’t like
it.
And
I thought there must be another way to serve divinity.
Have faith that
Truth will save you in the long run; stick to it, regardless of what might
befall.
I
sticked to truth and I went working and earning the money for the
TM-teacher’s training. That it was for you only about sexuality didn’t matter to me and it didn't matter to you if the person was spiritual or not or where she came from, but I probably
didn’t notice it even, it was not interesting enough.
It was about
self-realization and somehow that should have been more precious than that. It is kind of strange if anybody and anyone
can replace it, a no go.
What for me was the most precious, had for you no value and what you did, had for me no value and that didn’t work. In
the TM-movement were more single men than with the Hare Krishnas and not so
strict, so there was no problem about that.
But they appeared like soul-mates
and not like with Baba later ‘husband’.
Everything
felt okay in the beginning.
For if you are true,
the sense of guilt will not gnaw your insides and cause pain. It is cowardice
that makes you hide the truth; it is hatred that sharpens the edge of
falsehood.
Until
in the insight the air broke in pieces and there was also a background of beautiful
sunshine. They all looked like puppets on a string and the hand was not
there that should have been there holding them (the master was not present) and
they all turned into enemies and that was no more okay and upside down and in
my meditation was a big black hole and that was also not okay and upside down
and there was fear, fear to lose the mind and fear of death.
I
got some vibuthi (holy ash) from someone and I got inside in touch with Baba
and I knew I had to go there, there was a feeling of love and it was flowing in the heart and there was a tiny dark blue form of divinity, it was very beautiful.
And I had to go to see thim and the insights grew and I
had to find a way to get answers to the insights. In listening to his
words and thinking it over and that means often sentence by sentence deepening
the experience and seeing it in our own life, we get able to absorb the wisdom.
So
in writing it down and using Baba’s words and seeing it in my own life the
insights grew and things begin to make sense.
Be bold and there is
no need for a lie. Be full of love and there is no need for subterfuge. The
easiest habit is speaking the truth, honesty; for if you start telling lies,
you will have to keep count of them and remember how many you have told to
whom, and be always alert not to contradict one lie with another!
But
the problem was after I came back from Baba that nothing made sense anymore. It
felt like, what am I doing here? Why am I here? Who am I? Where do I come from?
And where do I go? And I had no idea, I didn’t know.
I
had met the higher self in the insight and I knew I went in that direction, but
somehow I couldn’t connect to it. My parents had retired in Spain and I didn’t
know what I did here and why I was here.
Love a person and
you need no longer deceive the person with a lie; you will feel that the loved
one deserves the truth and nothing less than the truth. Love saves a good deal
of bother.
I
didn’t have any contact with the national leader of the TM-movement anymore. So
it began like that in the neighborhood with the first boyfriend, who got
married with a village girl and together they sat in front of the door of my
parent’s house, it was not possible to talk, what caused a constant disturbance
on the family level and they avoided it, while it was for me not possible to
avoid it. In the end it felt like only problems left and nothing but
misunderstandings, because they didn’t want to see that it was disturbing and I
couldn’t avoid it, there were constant frictions in the air. That had to do
with the past of my father.
I
left in the search for self-realization and truth, I hoped I would one day know
why I felt that uncomfortable in my parent’s house and why I woke up at night
in fear and I didn’t know where it came from. After I left the parent’s house,
I went to Neuchâtel and learned French and that is how I came to Geneva. I was
still focused on the higher self and in the meantime, that were years in
between by watching I knew that it was only possible to watch and wait, because
it would be there when it would be there. I was watching and waiting and I
accepted right action, it means it had to come from inside to be sure it was
right action and not the mind and that means we have to accept truth as well.
That
truth was the light in the insight, in the dream.
And
it was difficult to understand. It was there and it was what I wanted, but it
was not possible to understand it. It was in the dream, the higher self, a
beautiful white light and only love. Next day I quit the job, because I had
waited to get that experience of ‘pure love’. It made me also free and at the
same time I didn’t understand how it happened and why it was there, why it was
that bright and a shining light and such an overwhelming love when in reality
it had no body and I didn’t know how to love it.
But
it made sense that I would find it in divinity and I was therefore no surprise
that the higher self, the light and love was again in the dream before I met
the Hare Krishnas and it had to do with longing and beauty and love.
That
is why I looked for contact with that Hare Krishna movement and there they
began to tell me what to do and I couldn’t see how I could live the higher self
and what I just had experienced and I felt exposed to them. In no time my life
felt all upside down and I didn’t know where to begin with.
Love a person and
you need no longer deceive the person with a lie; you will feel that the loved
one deserves the truth and nothing less than the truth. Love saves a good deal
of bother.
After
three years in that relationship in Paris what was made by the Hare Krishnas I just
went ahead in direction of truth.
Even if you only talk about other ladies ever
since, I didn’t even question it if it was true or not. If we go in direction
of the path of self-realization we become it. If we realize Brahman, we are
Brahman.
By praying to God
and asking for trivial and petty things, people demean the Lord’s Divine
estate. No one appreciates the valuable, sacred and divine favor God may choose
to confer on a deserving devotee. Hence never seek from God, nor desire, nor
pray for some petty trifles. More precious and desirable than everything else
is God's love. If you wish to ask for anything from God pray to Him thus,
"O Lord! Let me have You alone." To crave for anything other than
Divine Love is like asking for coffee powder from the Kalpataru (Wish-fulfilling Tree)! For,
once you have secured the Lord, you will naturally get everything you want!
While praying to God for His grace, do not indulge in extravagant praise and
flattery to win His approbation and seek His favors; that prayer then acquires
a commercial tinge! Pray sincerely and earnestly from within.
You
are telling me that you were praying for sex no matter what woman and no matter
what nationality and not truth and not love and not light and not divinity and
not the higher self.
No one appreciates
the valuable, sacred and divine favor God may choose to confer on a deserving
devotee.
You
never talk about God or about Krishna, you only talk about the body and you
never talk about love.
Hence never seek
from God, nor desire, nor pray for some petty trifles. More precious and
desirable than everything else is God's love. If you wish to ask for anything
from God pray to Him thus, "O Lord! Let me have You alone." To crave
for anything other than Divine Love is like asking for coffee powder from the Kalpataru (Wish-fulfilling Tree)! For,
once you have secured the Lord, you will naturally get everything you want!
You
never talk about God’s love.
And
you don’t talk about it that if we have secured the Lord, we will naturally get
everything we want.
While praying to God
for His grace, do not indulge in extravagant praise and flattery to win His
approbation and seek His favors; that prayer then acquires a commercial tinge!
Pray sincerely and earnestly from within.
Now
I don’t know if there is a commercial tinge? I don’t know you after so many
years well enough, some things seem similar and others I don’t know, it has
been years we didn’t see each other we didn’t hear each other and the Hare
Krishna experience was like gone and like it had never existed and there was no
continuity in it and that is the principle of yoga or Sath, truth, the basis of
Sat-Chit-Ananda.
I couldn’t find it anymore, it has to be in Krishna, Krishna
consciousness is a permanent state of consciousness and doesn’t get lost and it
just over one day.
But I couldn’t find you, I had names of amies, you always
are eager to tell me names, but I had no address.
So it seems you have not understood
the basic principle of Sath and truth, we have to accept that it is permanent
and not changing and that only on that level it can be true.
If you would have
been with the Hare Krishnas, I would have had the possibility to contact you
again later on when it was needed getting in touch with you as I did before
when I went back to my parents and after I came back to Paris again, that is
only possible because it was the Hare Krishnas background and there is that ‘truth’ in
it.
I only came back to Paris because of the Hare Krishnas and you thought I
came back because of you.
With
Baba we learn that we are instruments and Krishna is real and we are
instruments and not the opposite way round, it we live it the opposite way
round we are living Tamas, darkness, illusion.
We have to accept truth on the
spiritual path and that is sath and we have to accept right action, if the
action is wrong, it is no more sath, but asath and only if we live it and practice
it there is peace and if we understand peace, we are able to make the
experience of pure love.
It
got lost and if it would be true, it would not get lost. So where have you been
to make it true? It was in the Hare Krishna movement, but it was not in you.
Where
have you been?
But
that is how we contemplate about dreams or insights, we see it in his light and
we have to see it in our own life to be able to absorb and we have to go on no
matter what obstacles are there.
I
was trying to see it in my own life, only I didn’t know how and where have you
been, it was gone, so I couldn’t see that time togeter anymore in my own life and that was an
obstacle, so we have to accept the truth that there was an obstacle, because it
was not possible to get in touch with you as it had been before with the Hare
Krishnas.
If
he tells me in the insight, ‘you were a good man’, I have to find that man who
is good, actually he didn’t tell your name, so it can be someone else, it doesn’t
mean he is talking about you.
And
if he tells me, you have been with the Hare Krishnas, so you were serving me already
before? I have to question it, because what is that service and if I look at
his words now and what you telling me about amies …. Where does that fit or mach
with his words?
And
how could it get lost, if he would have been part of it.
Krishna is truth and
always present, that is what he tells us here. If I served Krishna before and I
couldn’t find him afterwards anymore, it is because of you.
Where have you been
and why you didn’t hold up high the light of divinity after having been with
the Hare Krishnas, what did you learn from it?
Have faith that
Truth will save you in the long run; stick to it, regardless of what might
befall. For if you are true, the sense of guilt will not gnaw your insides and
cause pain. It is cowardice that makes you hide the truth; it is hatred that
sharpens the edge of falsehood. Be bold and there is no need for a lie. Be full
of love and there is no need for subterfuge. The easiest habit is speaking the
truth, honesty; for if you start telling lies, you will have to keep count of
them and remember how many you have told to whom, and be always alert not to
contradict one lie with another! Love a person and you need no longer deceive
the person with a lie; you will feel that the loved one deserves the truth and
nothing less than the truth. Love saves a good deal of bother.
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