Essence and Food

There is no point in distributing the essence of spirituality (adhyatma rasa) to underfed and weak people; give them food (anna rasa) first, make them strong enough to entertain strong beliefs and contain strong ideals. Physical hunger must first be appeased by simple and pure (sathvic) food.

Then the repetition of the Name of the Lord must be undertaken; it can be any name that appeals to you the most. Do not treat the Name lightly. Respect it even if you hear it from the lips of a beggar, who uses it to procure alms. Though the person who utters the Name is bad or though his motive in uttering it may not be noble, do not ill treat the Name for its purity can never be harmed. Thank them for reminding you of the Lord and go your way.
Baba (thought for the day)

 

We discriminate between food and sathvic food, that is vegetarian food and food for the mind and meditation in mental purification. If we meditate, the mind is purified. That happens when we repeat the name of the Lord or a mantra, as any divine name is okay, so is every mantra okay.

But there had been a doubt about it, therefore, Baba mentioned it that all mantras are okay after a group meditation in the ashram. We met and meditated before Darshan and he took the group in the interview room. He talked about 'Soham', we watch the breath and listen to its sound, inhaling it is So ... and exhaling it is Ham ... It is the sound of the universe, the OM and if realized it is always present, also during sleep, it is the inner awareness that is not lost.

Meditation should be like cleaning teeth, we just do it to purify the mind. As we take a shower to keep the body clean, we meditate to keep the mind clean. If we don't do that we get entangled in the mind game.

After I began with dynamic meditation for a while I didn't sit anymore silently and I guess I got the reaction later on as loss of strength and energy. With dynamic meditation the body became more important, I also was careless about food and I guess it was not replacing the quality of silent meditation and after it hit it said, stop dancing. There was a time I also didn't silently meditated, but I began with Qigong and that was also not great and finally it was Amma in my dream, she said that I was travelling over China back to India. That was clear enough, I began again to sit and meditate.

I guess I was scared of mechanical repetition, as I noticed I couldn't remember certain things anymore and I tried to end it for good.

After some years of silent regular meditation, I came back from Paris and there was my brother and he had problems with the parents and his job. They wanted him to take over the business and he was really not the person to do that. He was forced into it and finally he took pills, but what was worse is that sarcastic attitude he had laughing about everything and it was already too late, he didn't find the right direction and job anymore.
He began different things, couldn't get up anymore, got always more into fights with the mother and finally he took pills and alcohol, what was of no help. He landed in the hospital and I got nearly a shock when coming back from Paris and realized how bad he felt.

I went to Paris with me to get my things and afterwards we went for a visit to the south of France to see that TM-teacher who I had met as the leader of the Siddhi-Prep course. At that time I thought it was individual, as TM was all secret, I was impressed to get into that deep meditation and there had been a wonderful melody that came out of the heart of all hearts, it was connected to the self-experience I had made before, because that is the level of the heart of all hearts.
Therefore, I went to the south of France with my brother and afterwards that guy felt like a 'soulmate'. And I thought that was the right direction to take. Telling him about it, he wanted me to go and do the teacher's training, because he was on his way to La Reunion and he said I could afterwards initiate with him people into TM.

Everything looked great, first I went for the TM-siddhis program and when I went to the south of France, it was not a long time after the flying course, we enjoyed it very much, but somehow irritated that all was secret, but it was convincing that it was to keep the teaching pure. 

I went to Zurich, it was much easier to earn the money I needed for the course with the French diplomas I got in Paris and I planned to go on that teacher training. I was still in contact with that 'soulmate' when it began, but during that course I noticed that something was wrong and that I should have done it in French.

After the courses ended, there was 'marriage' in the air, what was somehow strange, because there was no husband. I didn't write him anymore, as it was not clear if it was TM or him who omitted to tell me how it should have been. But for me it was quite clear, if he didn't care enough to tell me, what was the use to work with someone like that?

That is how it got lost. It was about soulmate and I had listened to that and went on course, because I thought it was the right direction, but afterwards I couldn't recall that experience anymore.

It was replaced by TM and the commitment was TM and the Maharishi. I had completely forgotten how I went in that direction 'soulmate', because I thought it was the right thing to do.
Later there was again another TM-teacher and a feeling of 'soulmate' and I wrote him trying to know why ..., but it was in vain, no answers whatsoever, but not the slightest indication why.

It was lost because of the gap between 'soulmate' and marriage, there was no connection between those two, anybody in the TM-movement could be a soulmate.

During the course we met the Maharishi. And I decided to focus on him, because he was the highest and that is how it went on, I went into work with the National Leader, because it also seemed to be the highest, he was personal staff of the Maharishi.

But the experiences were not good. It was no more the melody coming out of the heart of all hearts, but it said 'exposed'. There was no possibility to set limitations anymore, because the husband gone, I didn't even know who it was, but the marriage was there and it felt exposed.

It broke into pieces and it didn't make sense or we believed with TM all problems could be solved and we went on more courses, more meditation, but it didn't work. There were no answers, but the Maharishi said, more rounding and we believed it would get clear in rounding.

Lost means, not knowing what it was, not knowing why cut off and why it didn't work and why it was not possible to understand it.

We thought it would get better in time. 

That means we had no idea what we did and how to understand the negative insights and it didn't get clear and it couldn't get clear, but we went on. They all turned into enemies, that was kind of awkward, but it made me aware that there should be the opposite, yogis are our friends and they were puppets on a string, the hand was not there holding them, also awkward, because something was missing, turned around is the opposite value, it is Tamas, that is turned around.

The master was not present, it was just mental repetition and by the way it is the only thing we can do wrong with meditation. Every serious master is warning to just repeat a mantra.

Finally it ended with a black hole, also the result of the master not being present and as everything broke into pieces, it felt real difficult. It was scary, because with the black hole there was fear, fear to lose the mind, fear to die and that means, trust lost.

Something was definitely wrong, but how would I ever understand it? After I went with the NL to India and we visited the Maharishi in Noida. It was kind of special only the trust didn't come back. I hoped it would be okay again, but I was already in contact inside with Sai Baba, divinity in the heart, the first positive experience after a long time.

To feel safe in Noida I put in front of my TM-mantra, Om and even Sairam, because the Maharishi had said it was not okay to meditate with OM. Om is like the direct dial of divinity.
I began to do the opposite to feel okay and left and went to Sai Baba. It was all already done when I left, only my mind didn't understand it. It means the insight was present, it was not the right path, but I was not able to understand it and there was coming up again and again, cut off.

It was not the feeling of soulmate, but not knowing that this was also level husband, what made it impossible to get the connection.

The husband was lost.
When that reality came up, whatever reason that guy had been husband, because I went in that direction ..., afterwards it was again possible to get the right answer and it is possible to understand it. That was meant with when the source gets lost, we cannot understand it.

I have been writing about that for the past ten years until it came finally up and we had to be careful enough to get the right answer.

There was no way it could have come up without Baba, because he brought it up and he made me aware of the lost husband level.    

The Lords name cannot be harmed, it is always pure and we went on thinking it.

But there are three levels and they belong together.
There is the knower, the object of knowledge and the process of knowing. When it is about marriage it is the commitment, the husband (object) and marriage, (the relationship). That is the inner oneness and that is called holy, we should not separate it.

If some are against divorce, it is because of that reason.

But that was split. The commitment was a notary agreement, but it was not about marriage, but about secrecy. Finally it felt like 'marriage', but the person who made me go on course and go in that direction was gone and he felt like 'soulmate' and there was no possibility to find out why 'soulmate'. I had tried about everything, I didn't get an answer.

After Baba left the body, the day after his burial he was in my dream and asked, and how does it look now and he talked about TM.

 

We understand under that which is dividing what belongs together and is holy the devil. Therefore, I had dreams and nightmare of TM and the devil when I tried to write about it, because what belongs together in a relationship was split, divided and meditation was not about divinity, but only about mechanical repetition.

I have never experienced a worse lost state and it is like we don't want to believe it. I have met someone who wanted to go and study in Bangalore Veda to get the answer, poor guy, he died, he had cancer. He didn't get it.

TM is the most dangerous practice I ever have met, because it takes all power away and they think they can realize it and understand and that it is intellectual, but in reality is the source not known and lost and even split and therefore, you can try as much as you want to understand it, there is no way you can understand it.

Every and each experience in the past had to be understood to find the one part in that puzzle missing to make it whole again.

And when I think that I have spent the last twenty-five years in trying to find an answer... and now I see how easy it seems, because it is again present in that puzzle ... I don't believe it that this happened to me. If we don't know the source, we cannot understand it. If the source is split and what belongs together is separate, the source gets lost.

The name of the Lord is always okay and good and there cannot be any harm, but be careful of tamasic Gurus. They turns things upside down and adapt it to the Western mind. There will be endless problems, because it is very difficult to understand Tamas and to get out of it.

Without Baba I would have had no chance to get out of it. I have been turning around and around for years and once I wrote a text, reading it I was shocked, because it didn't say anything at all, the logic didn't make sense.

When I read it I didn't know how I was able to write it. When we don't know the source, we cannot understand it and we don't know the source, until we have realized it ... and that can take any time in the world.

"As soon as possible can be now in two or in ten years", that was the Maharishi who said that.

Last night we were singing a mantra and it reminded at the time in Paris, we were already singing mantras a long time ago and it felt real good to get that connection.
It makes the past real in the present again, the same mantras and if in the past was joy and today is joy, it is a divine level of realization, omnipresence.  
If it is in the past and the present the same, it means it will be also the same in future. That is a non-changing level and Atman.