Get rid of Bonds and Karma by Discrimination and Detachment

While entangled in the Five Elements, man is attracted, distracted or disappointed by them; all this causes distress.
Wealth, possessions - vehicles, buildings - all these are transmutations of the elements.
Man craves for them; when he loses them or fails to get them, he spurns them.

Upanishad Vahini

Transmutation of elements of our mind mirrored in our possessions and that is in the Upanishads. With my parent's house I decided to go for the opposite, but I was scared of it. 

 

With the Hare Krishnas we tried already to renounce and live very simple. Even if it was the happiest time of my life, what I didn't know at that time, I was scared, there was fear because it was too different from how I grew up.

Similar it was in the TM movement. 

After I went to Baba I met my ex. 

He said he had money, that was all he was talking about and I didn't noticed the attachment. I thought, good I don’t have to worry about it anymore.

He made it easy and that seemed to take the problem away, he knew how to solve everything and more over it was Baba's Lila and I didn't see it, I went for it, because it saved all problems with detachment. No more renouncement and nothing to worry about, that is how it looked. I could leave it to him only as he said he had everything. Bad luck, that he took advantage of it and he made it look like a Baba Lila. He could actually tell it was Baba's Lila and nobody could prove that it was not, I had to make the experience to find out and that is how he took advantage of it.

And when a Sai Baba tells inside that he took only advantage of it, we have to get aware of it and understand it.
It is not answered by just telling, it has to be understood and realized, that is how insights grow.
The same with the parent’s house. We get hints, but to understand it we have to enquire, to think it over and see it in the light of the self, that is work done. If we don't ask there will be no answer.
But what about someone who has it all, houses and whatever, nothing to worrying about, exactly mirrored by my ex.
Maybe it is about that illusion, but maybe it is just the opposite of what I lived.

Transmutation of the elements in form of possessions, thinking it is all done because we have everything and are not aware that we don't really get detached.

If we don't see the bonds we cannot by discrimination detach, that is just not possible. I tried to renounce and was anyhow somewhere hidden afraid of it and I took the first opportunity to solve that problem, when the opportunity was there. 

It is the other side of the same medal and we need to get honest enough to be able to realize it.

Seeking to reach that Paramatma, the source and core of the Universe, the Individual or Jivi, who has entangled himself in the elements, has to overcome, by discrimination and steady practice of detachment, the bonds one by one; such a person is a Sadhaka; he who wins in this struggle is the Jivan-muktha, 'Liberated even while alive.'

The reason why I went into the relationship was that it fulfilled the expectations of my parent's house. It seemed to take care of that problem to get detached and it felt like I had nothing to worry about. But it ended in being nothing but worry. As it didn't work out as he thought it would, he tried to make it my problem and my family should take care of it.
That was a joke, he wanted to take advantage of the family which had let me down already. He waited for Baba to make it real, like it would have been his promise. But it didn't work out, only he didn't look for another solution as long as I was there and it went directly into an abyss, and as Baba showed inside later on he saved us and got us out of it before we fell into it. It reflected inside as mood hole, no windows and no door, because he was just waiting holding on to 'his Baba Lila' and that was the reality that he took advantage of it. It didn't work out, he didn't change, he was inflexible and attached to the idea of it. It means he couldn't stop taking advantage of it, there was no way it could work out, there were no windows and no door but a hole, no opportunities, he was just waiting and on the path of least effort, Sai Baba took care.
As it began, it has to end, that is natural law and it didn't begin good as I thought it had, I was just not aware of it.
The way he made it look when I mentioned a Baba interview, which had nothing to do with him, as his opportunity, he mixed into something, but it mirrored my own Karma. It was already upside down and Tamas. And I thought Sai Baba's presence would make sure that it was Sathva and that was wishfulfilling thinking and had nothing to do with reality. That is how we learnt about our own self and who Baba really is and what we projected in him.
My ex saw it as solution to his problems being attached to that dream and it didn't help that Baba told him inside that it was a dream, he went on for years taking it for real and making it as difficult as he could. He was holding on to it not getting aware what he did and we had no idea in what we went into with him. 
It turned out to be easy only in his mind, nowhere else, the rest was Tamas, upside down and a constant struggle on the level of energies. It was illusion and past patterns came up and decided how life became in the present, the past had been taking over, it mirrored the present situation in the light of the past and we had to get aware of it.
In that frame the background parent’s house came up and the reason why I tried to renounce and the reason, why it didn't work out.
We are the same ‘I am that’. In you is the mirror of accomplishment as my mother would have liked it. She always said we never could do what they had done. Even if I wanted to renounce, if there was an opportunity to make it easier as she would have liked it, I went for it and it was all unconscious, the patterns took over, because I was not aware of it. 
The parent’s house came up, even if I tried to get away from it, it was not possible. When the opportunity was there to prove that it worked as my mother wanted it, I went for it, even if it was an illusion and in conflict with my own purpose, it just seemed easy. 
It brought the reality of patterns up in the background of our mind and unaware, hidden the past manifested again in the present circumstances. If we don't inquire there is no way we can get aware of it.
It brought up what mother was afraid of.
It seemed what she feared mostly had happened. Indirectly she had created it, because fear attracts the very thing we fear.
It was doomed to happen, because it was her biggest fear. It was kind of awful to get aware of it and to feel the law of Karma working hidden and mysteriously manifested in the present.

Seeking to reach that Paramatma, the source and core of the Universe, the Individual or Jivi, who has entangled himself in the elements, has to overcome, by discrimination and steady practice of detachment, the bonds one by one.

The Upanishads are holy books.
We cannot overcome bonds without discrimination and practice of detachment, because those bonds are unconscious.
First we need to get aware of it, before it is possible to get one by one detached.

To be able to realize seems kind of a problem because we should know the difference between Sathva and Tamas and understand it, afterwards we somehow get aware of the reaction in Atman and why it has that impact on the family.

The insight said, when a mother falls, all children fall with her.

But that alone doesn't answer it. It has to be realized. That is why it felt like a trap afterwards and again it takes time to even be able to see why trap, why it is a falling down and even long time meditation didn't help. It was difficult to accept that it came up in Baba's presence, but he is opening our eyes and makes us inside see reality in an other light.

Meditation alone doesn't help, we will not get aware of it just by meditation, even if heaven on earth is promised. Therefore, silence is good, but we have to know when we have to be silent and when not. We cannot get aware of the bonds in the mind without discrimination and we cannot let go one by one if we are not inquiring. If we have no discrimination we get not aware of it.

Believing that with meditating all problems will be solved made it possible that it could happen, we walked into it. We had to face reality that it was not only not true, face the devil, but patterns and bonds are mind directed, the past took over and we were not aware of it. We had no discrimination, we just meditated regularly.

In Baba’s presence we had to face reality, not only why it was like that, but to get rid of bonds and get able to detach, we have to discriminate, otherwise it is not honest enough.

Just meditation alone didn't take care of it, it was even dangerous, because it made think that everything was okay and that it would be taken care of by itself and it didn't. 

Meditation is calming down the mind and by purifying the mind we get in touch with the inner core of our own being, but to get discrimination we still have to inquire and get aware of the bonds before we are able to detach.