"In a codependent society everyone has to have someone to look down on in order to feel good about themselves. And, conversely, there is always someone we can compare ourselves to that can cause us to not feel good enough."
Focus in the inner self, the mirror means telling the story in the light of the self, it is not important if it is past, the story is important not the timing. And when it comes up the details we have to look at, the details which change the picture and complete it. We have to get aware of it and it is not our business to judge nor to avoid it, but to be confident and to allow it to happen.
The family looks at it differently, they think it is past and not as story, because under pretext that is was past the mother avoided giving feedback, therefore, it is a negative pattern. One of the most favored sentences of her was ‘past is past’ and we should live in the present, more excuse than wisdom.
Seen out of the light of the self it is a story and not a problem, it is just a reflection in the light of the self and afterwards it dissolves in the light of the ocean.
For the family it seems to be a problem, because the past should be past, they think it is right and wisdom and are not aware of the avoidance.
The inner child has its own story, we need to trust in self-confidence otherwise it leads into a shame pattern and instead of self-realization we get caught and bound by shame.
The question is how to tell the story and we have to face the resistance coming up because the mother said ‘past is past’ avoiding it. The family doesn’t want to accept that it is not right and they don’t want to know why. It is the pattern, whatever touches the past seems wrong, impossible to get aware of the background stuff and it is also stupid.
But feels conditioned and established, all seems to be past.
Years ago there was discussion about ‘incest’, because the brother does the worst he can do, a dysfunctional relationship, the sister brought it up and made a big thing out of it. The soul level reflects.
With social worker background and therapy she went into childhood until she was a baby, because there were no memories on body level. That was projection on the body level. She thought it was the father who had abused her being a baby, and nobody could prove the opposite. He said he didn’t do it, but it never got clear. That came up before he died.
With social worker background and therapy she went into childhood until she was a baby, because there were no memories on body level. That was projection on the body level. She thought it was the father who had abused her being a baby, and nobody could prove the opposite. He said he didn’t do it, but it never got clear. That came up before he died.
He had called up and said that it would only last three days longer and after he fell from the palm tree and died on the internal bleeding. He was in a depression and couldn’t get out of it.
After death he was in my dream and had to tell me something. He was on a very dark place, couldn’t get out of it, there was a bridge, but he was in the river bed when the water came. The water means death and the light was far away like a small star.
It was a sad picture and it began from inside to come up in that work to understand the reflection because he is the father. But strangely I tried to tell the mother and realized she ignored it, she avoided it, she didn’t give any feedback at all, it was like she didn’t hear it. But I wanted that feedback and didn’t get it.
Do you see, the same way she always avoided feedback it was here. I told her again, only after years, probably eight years after his death during the inner child work I found another way to get the feedback, therefore, I wrote it down and sent it to her. There was a feedback, she told the brother, and he began to threaten and I had to tell it was only a dream. It brought up the pattern.
The brother, the replacement partner, came at her place and she was avoided it but spent hours on the phone with family and friends, he was the bad guy and he was excluded and in some way isolated.
It felt like sentences like ‘that is past, we have to live in the present’, served to avoid it, same pattern when she said, ‘what do you have there is nothing?’
We have to understand the inner child and its role, should not get in conflict with shame and someone thinking it is past.
Impossible to expect support of the family, the notion and conditioning of ‘past is past’ it too established, even if it is all wrong. The reflection is as it is, self-realization has to face reflection and recognize it, no such thing as past, only reflection and self-confidence matter, we get aware of it and learn. It is the soul level that reflects and we have to understand it as such.
The sister lived with the brother in the same house after the parents left. He does the ‘worst he can do’, whatever, he has a dysfunctional behavior.
She wrote about ‘incest’ caused by the dysfunctional behavior, was replacement partner of the mother, took over the family in some strange way and the result ‘incest’ on soul level.
The sister projected it on body level and blamed the father. We got nasty letter in Portland as I should remember that ‘incest’ thing and confirm it, what I couldn’t. My ex thought she was a mental case…, when I got again one of those immense long and fat letters. The brother goes on with that dysfunctional behavior talking freely about personal issues. That ‘incest’ thing came now also up in my dream, but I deal differently with it, I question it and it was clear it could not be on body level, it was soul level, it was new for me, as I had never to do with such issues.
The reflection on soul level is the brother does the worst he can do…
The father was blamed by her about incest and in his depression, he phoned her up telling it would last only three day longer. She was not aware that the reflection on soul level is only a reflection and telling that the brother has a dysfunctional behavior and not that the father was guilty. Reflection on soul level is not a body case.
The result of mothers codependency, being attached and later it was pride reflected inside in the self as avalanche and abyss.
A dysfunctional relationship will not meet our needs. It extends not only to romantic relationships and family relationships, it can be even human relationships in general and that is the brother, he will not meet our needs.
Kind of similar reason in the relationship with my ex, behind that idea of helping, not even aware, I thought it was checked with Baba, but it was not really, he just took advantage of it.
That idea of sacrifice in the air, not aware how we got conditioned by the mother in that codependency and she enforced the ideal of society to be accepted, more important than anything else. She fought against a freedom loving husband, made out of the family replacement partners to be stronger, getting the family and everybody else at her side to win and as she said for his own best to save him from his own escapades. At least in her mind it was like that.
Only later the codependency was there and when problems came up, she was not there anymore, avoiding feedback. Before she was in the center of the house, after it was him who took over and it didn’t make sense to the inner child that there was no feedback. It felt like the story of little red riding hood.
The bad wolf had not only swallowed her but was about to swallow me as well and that was scary, everything felt scary. The safety was gone, the comfort too. Confusion was there and nothing seemed right and the mother’s role was not what it had been, where had it gone?
The inner child was between betrayed and afraid, and no feedback, avoiding it with – you should not, there is nothing, what do you have, living in her own illusion of saving.
The bad wolf had swallowed us only she said nothing. Talking to her we expected something else, nothing came, it was just empty. Not like in the fairytale. The hunter didn’t free the mother and the child and killed the bad wolf. In my story the danger went on. In the fairytale the hunter put stones in the belly of the sleeping wolf and thirsty it went to the river bed and by drinking water due to the weight of the stones it fell in the water and drowned. Who is in the role of the hunter?
In my story was no happy ending, she didn’t explain what the hunter did, but said always what do you have there is nothing and by that the wolf didn’t down. The danger went on like being prisoners of the beast.
Outside everything looked like before, mother talked about weather, death people, work and garden, left a feeling of emptiness, no way to get aware where that came from. She made him still look like the bad wolf, but it was not safe, what do you have, there is nothing, the safety was gone and no feedback didn’t make it clear, the emptiness was no answer.
Whatever seemed wrong, never okay, if an ‘incest’ feeling or something else, it was not possible to face that, not recognizing it as reflection, not okay to look at the past, all stupid, all due to the mother avoiding feedback.
She said past was past, time would solve problems, live in the present, there was no reason to look at it. Facing reflection in the self there is a mirror and reality in it. Time never solves those problems, avoiding it causes problems. We see the mirror and put it in the ocean of light, give it to the higher self. Self-confidence means to go for it and even if there is all that resistances coming up on the family background, it is not possible differently and that means facing truth. Follow the master. Fight to the end. Finish the game.
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