To a superficial observer, life appears to revolve around
eating and drinking, working, and sleeping. But verily life has a much deeper
significance. Life is a sacrifice (yajna). Every little act is an
offering to the Lord. If your days are spent in deeds performed in this spirit
of surrender, your sleep would be a total immersion in the Divine
Consciousness (Samadhi)! Most people commit the great fault of identifying
themselves with the body and accumulate a variety of things for its upkeep and
comfort. When the body becomes weak and decrepit with age, they still attempt
to bolster it by one means or the other. How long can death be postponed?
When Yama's (Lord of Death's) warrant comes, everyone must depart.
Position, pride, and power - all vanish before death. Remember, you are not
this body! It is your vehicle to serve all. Realising this, strive day and
night, with purity in body, mind and spirit, to realise the Higher Self.
If we sit in Swami's audience and we listen to Swami's speech, we listen
and we understand only sentences and then we agree and think that's the law,
that is what Swami tells. I have read somewhere that we can compare it with a
balance, it goes down on one side and up on the other side, it was not equal,
it was not balanced, one side was up and the other side was down and we cannot
seriously think that this is true knowledge if we don't make any effort to
realize it.
He talked about that joy when it is about truth and I had that
experience of that joy in his presence, in waves it was and overflowing, it
seemed like a cup of tea and there was always more tea the cup could take and
the feeling was overflowing joy.
That was what I heard during the Sai Baba speech and it was the only thing
I heard, I don't remember a word he said in that very moment.
Once I sat in Bhajans and the beginning was okay, but after while my
attention began to feel different and there was still some disturbance in it
and he told in the insight to send him the bill.
So it still had to do with that disturbance and that is how I get aware
of it that it is my own state of disturbance in the mind I have to get out now
and that I was not anymore the person I had been before and there was no more
that overflowing joy when being in his presence and it was the result of that
relationship and I thought it was Baba and he made it look like it and he
talked only about his big boss who was driving with Swami in the car and he
took only advantage of it that it looked good and like perfect and all Swami
and it turned into a disaster.
The relationship was that disturbing, there has never been that joy
anymore as it had been before and it never came back really, I had not time and
space anymore to be in the ashram for such a long time focused on truth only
and to feel that joy to be in the presence of truth, I had to take care of the
child and ended up as alone educating mother and nobody was interested in how
we were or how we felt and my own family was far away and we couldn't just go
in the ashram and live there. And if we told someone usually we just had to
listen to words like everybody has to work out his own Karma, that are the
heartless and cold and usual words we had to listen to in our situation and
there was not much room for compassion and joy, that was the other side of
facing those people who talked only about love, but never ever were present as
loving themselve, mostly of those people thinking that they are good
devotees.
There was even a time after I came back I didn't go to sing Bhajans
anymore and I coudn't take the presence of those people who had always some
kind of stupid answer, they always knew what it was, but it was never about
love and care.
That is also how in thinking it over things fall in place and make sense
after all.
It was during a Baba speech, when he said, 'you didn't listen, you have
to get a divorce', that is how it began, and I really was not able to listen, I
didn't hear a word he said, but I was in it and therefore not aware that it was
created by the problems in that relationship with my ex, but the downwards path
began already before when the relationship with my ex began in Swami's presence
what looked that good at that time and ideal.
It turned into the opposite and it was that disturbing.
That is what he said to me in that speech and for sure not what he said
to everybody as it is the only thing I remember in that speech and that
means it was that disturbed and troublesome in my mind, I couldn't even listen
to his speech and what about joy. The joy had been there at the beginning in
his presence and after I came back from that relationship I just had headache
until it got a bit better with time.
It seems I didn't hear or was not able to listen, because that
relationship based on his lies and only pretending that he was, who he said he
was and nothing was true after all and I didn't understand how I got into that
afterwards anymore, because it didn't look ideal anymore as it did
before.
After seven years only it was done, we were by hasard at the same time
in the ashram and I had the paper with me, before it went on unresolved and
always an open problem, so the disturbance went on and was by the ex expanded
as long as he could instead of taking care of it. It was kind of hard to get the
other side of it and that guy really is able to see himself as Baba devotee
when he does exactly the opposite of what he should have done actually. If he
would have been a lovely and caring husband as he thought he was, he wold have
looked at it and said 'yes' on the spot to not extened the suffering any
longer, instead he wrote back that he will take the path of least effort, that
means he did verything he could to create troubles only.
Help ever, hurt never. (Baba)
Every word what Baba said began to feel like a joke when we looked at
that so called spiritual aspirant who did the opposite.
Yes, definitely I had to go and make peace with it and as he took the
path of least effort, the peace is still not really there, but he always
thought that Baba should send me back to my loving husband and that was of
course him.
It is kind of unbelivable that we can meet such a mind state and realize
that he lives in his own world and whatever we tell him, it doesn't get to him.
He is living in his own idea far away from all the others on an island really
or in a dream.
I told him seven years to get him into signing the paper and he didn't
hear it to this point what it means 'peace' and why there was no peace, he
still thinks he is a great guy and he has nothing to do with it, it is all my
problem only.
It is that bad that we have the feeling men are monsters and I don't
want to have anything to do with that anymore.
That is what Swami said, if we don't listen we can turn into beasts and
that is worse than animals and far more deadly.
I thought I didn't see right when he wrote once that divorce is not
possible because his friend said that it was not and I answered, then our
relationship was not okay anyhow as he had been divorced already before, he was
still married to his former wife.
If divorce was not possible, he was still married and as he anyhow took
only advantage of it, he was just replacing his former wife, she was sick as it
seems and living more or less in a healthinstitution and after some time I was
not surprised actually, I had the feeling with him I would also have landed in
such a place.
If Swami would not have come in his dream and told him that I had to go
back to him to make peace with him and I am still working on it.
So he send us to Swami in the idea that I had to go and make peace with
Swami, what tells us that nothing made sense anymore and everything was upside
down and nothing was true what he had said and for me it was the question how I
got into that.
Swami explaind that people are creature of character, the habits become
solidified and that makes the character and with regular Sadhana or meditation
we develop good habits, but if we don't do it, we don't develop it. And he said
he did it and he former boss as well and they were two people and it was in the
ashram, it totally looked like it and it was not true, he never did it, he just
said he did it to please his former boss and to get his room and to stay in
touch with him.
To a superficial observer, life appears to revolve around
eating and drinking, working, and sleeping. But verily life has a much deeper
significance.
If we hear only what we want to hear and we don't hear everything he is
telling us, it is called little knowledge and little knowledge is dangerous,
that is what we learnt before, we had nine months of course and with scientific
research explained, we could not only understand what arranged us, but we had
to understand and practice it.
At that time I didn't realize yet what it means little knowledge is
dangerous, it makes us fanatics, because the rest is based on believe that we
know actually, when we don't know.
If we don't have the experience of it and as long as we don't have the
experience of it, it is not real, it is not felt and experienced wisdom and
that is not considered true and it is just the idea of it, just a concept and
that means believe only and fanatics.
He talks always about truth, but people have no notion of truth,
otherwise, they would know that it is only true and valid if it is
self-experience.
Life is a sacrifice (yajna).
The Westerners cannot follow it and understand it. Life is
sacrifice, yajna is not part of our culture and we don't know how to understand it. We
sacrifice the ego to experience the divine, but we have to understand first
that the ego is related to the body only and the light is different from it,
there is a gap in between. If we have darkness we cannot see, there is nothing,
first there was light and in that light was everything, light is energy and in
energy is positive and negative. God is light, he is not darkness and he is not
ignorance, he is wisdom. He is light and with the light everything came into
being the whole universe. The instrument is the body and that is sacrificed to
be able to realize that we are light, it has to be experienced, if it is just a
concept it is not true.
Every little act is an offering to the Lord. If your days
are spent in deeds performed in this spirit of surrender, your sleep would be a
total immersion in the Divine Consciousness (Samadhi)!
Do you understand it and can see it in your own life to the extent that
it is unmistakable true and you can feel it and it is part of your experience?
Most people commit the great fault of identifying
themselves with the body and accumulate a variety of things for its upkeep and
comfort.
If we keep things for our upkeep and comfort of the body we live in
social consciousness and the mind. That is why a Sannyas in India are
wandering monks, with an empty bole and an umbrella and a shawl living for the
higher energy and self-realization.
People give them some food when they pass by at the house, they are
renounced and don't create around the body the idea of social awareness, of
things that matter for the body, status, fame and name, that is all part of the
things that are accumulated for the upkeep and comfort of the body.
When the body becomes weak and decrepit with age, they
still attempt to bolster it by one means or the other. How long can death be
postponed? When Yama's (Lord of Death's) warrant comes, everyone must
depart. Position, pride, and power - all vanish before death. Remember, you are
not this body! It is your vehicle to serve all. Realising this, strive day and
night, with purity in body, mind and spirit, to realise the Higher Self.
And when we get old we bolster it even. Yama the Lord of Death will come
and we have to depart and if we live in social consciousness or the mind, we
are not immortal and we die with the body, the mind frame around us will
disappear and nothing will be left, we have not realized that we are immortal
beings. As long as we live in a box, no matter how that box came into being, it
is still a box and in the mind and we have to go beyond it to realize that we
are immortal beings.
Position, pride, and power - all vanish before death.
Remember, you are not this body! It is your vehicle to serve all. Realising
this, strive day and night, with purity in body, mind and spirit, to realise
the Higher Self.
If we don't listen to all his words, but only to those that somehow fit
in our life and it is what we want to hear, we just create around our own mind
another comfort zone with a spiritual hue and in that we try to make ourselves
believe we know it all and it is even fanatic, it is fantasy and based on
thinking we know all, when we never even tried to know it and to understand his
words.
That is why he tells us that he is the knower. He knows, we don't know
and if we begin to think we know and we don't know we begin to think and act
like fanatics.
If we don't go beyond social consciousness, it is still the same, it is
the mind, it is only little knowledge, it is only part of the whole and not the
whole and therefore, it seems Swami even said that we are all part time
devotees.
Everything he said has to be experienced, felt, to be part of our
life.
The way to get there is contemplation, listening to his words, seeing it
in our own life, by that we get a feeling for it and that feeling grows.
Whatever we tell about Swami if we don't have the experience of it, it is not
felt, it is not true, it is just a concept and we believe in it and develop
fanaticism or also called a fantasy world and it is not the way to
self-realization.
What happens is that people don't understand the knowledge and we begin
to do what we know best, most of us go into singing and after a certain time
that gets a habit and it begins to get solidified and we think that is the
experience we have to get and we forget that we went into singing, but we still
don't understand the rest.
The Atmic principle is about truth and if we don't listen to Swami and
don't think it over to make it experience no matter what, we are not in truth
and that is not Swami, that is fanatic and fantasy and mind and we don't live
his message, we just settle down for a spiritual compromise arranging in some
way or another our life style.
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