Plans to Travel to the Inner Realm

The human being is a composite of man, beast and God, and in the inevitable struggle among the three for ascendency, you must ensure that God wins, suppressing the merely human and the lowly beast. Man must know the Universe as basically Brahman or Divine. You and the Universe are one; all are subsumed in the same unique entity. The cosmic vision can be acquired either by watching the Universe or one's own inner Cosmos. One has only to discover oneself. In the citadel of the body, there is the lotus temple of the heart, with subtle akasha (space) within. In it are contained heaven and earth, fire and air, sun and moon, stars and planets - all that is in the visible world and all that sustains it, and all into which it submerges. Instead of rotating round the earth in the higher realms of space and planning to land on the moon or Mars, if only one plans and prepares to travel into one’s own inner realm, what sublime joy and peace can be attained!

We are a composite of man and beast and in the insights we move between those differences and it is not that easy because we have limitations in the mind and it feels actually quite bad and really scary when we get aware of the beastly level in the insight, it would have no impact on us if it would not be scary, to make the difference between the divine and the beast we have to see it in a certain way and it is often more like a shock than what we think a dream should be or it is that far away that we wonder if it is real. We often omit everything what we don’t like and that is certainly true when it is about the beastly level.

 If he is telling us that we must ensure that God wins, it is about immortality, with other words we pray to never die, we have to suppress the only human and the lowly beast and everything we can think we are we have to transcend anyhow, in the Atmic principle, the I am that, we have the realization of the threefold truth  and it just tells us we cannot transcend those three levels anymore and we are on the level of truth, it is not changing anymore and we cannot go beyond it.

There are again three levels, beast, human, divinity.

The human being is a composite of man, beast and God, and in the inevitable struggle among the three for ascendency, you must ensure that God wins, suppressing the merely human and the lowly beast.

Man must know the Universe as basically Brahman or Divine. You and the Universe are one; all are subsumed in the same unique entity. The cosmic vision can be acquired either by watching the Universe or one's own inner Cosmos. One has only to discover oneself.

This morning in mediation was in my mind a prayer. I liked it to get my power back and it said in short, it was a bit longer, but I don’t remember it anymore.

I command from the Lord God of my being, the Christ I am, to come forth and to bring forth all I need to know to bring it to my mind conscious awareness that I might meditate and contemplate upon it in this life time. So be it.

I was in a relationship I didn’t want to be and with someone I didn’t like even less loved and he didn’t let us go. We were in the US and that seemed far away and I had to think of all of us to know what would be the right thing to do, so I began to think that after mediation. Before we were thinking the Patanjali sutras and it had been only a program, but it feels just like it manifested also like a prayer actually.  

It is a long time ago and after coming back things changed that fast and I had just forgotten it or I had other things to think and worry about. Also it was the need to get out of that situation and as I didn’t know how I got really into that and what was the driving force behind it and nothing seemed to make sense anymore, that prayer was from inside a way out of it.

If I would have done it in my own language, I probably would not have forgotten it, after a while I just repeated it by heart and was not even aware of the meaning anymore. If we meditate regularly and add after mediation sutras or a prayer it should be actually powerful, if we are in a transcendental state and have a thought, it should manifest on the spot, but we have to know how to get in that transcendental pure being stage first.  

We went to Swami and afterwards we went back to our place and not anymore to the US, but I had forgotten it and it was all that much into up and downs, it had to calm down first again. I usually remembered the prayer after meditation and repeated it three times.

It has manifested in the meantime and the sutras felt also like prayer actually that is how they got manifested. We went to Swami with those sutras, as we find all the qualities of the sutras in him actually and he said, ‘he wanted to fly’ in the dream, it came up after reflecting on it this morning and it seems to be the right answer. When I went to him and I asked him in the first interview about it, he said that it was not the right path, because I didn’t know who the friend was and I saw the friend on the wrong place and he was no friend and the master was the friend, what makes sense, but it was kind of difficult to realize how it could be that the friend felt like a criminal and the enemy felt like a friend, it was not really the type of experience we wanted and it was upside down. That means Swami said that TM is not the right path and that it is very difficult to understand what indirectly said, you have to do it differently and you have to understand what you are doing.

But afterwards I had the feeling I didn’t understand anything anymore, that was years ago, and before I was even teaching mediation and we thought all the power was ours, what was also not true, because we were totally dependent and everything we said was learnt by heart and every day was structured and we were like in a corset of programs and what we had to go on in our every day schedule and we were not paid for it, it was all service only and therefore, it was a good experience actually, but it was not free and as was in a relationship with the national leader in no time I felt exposed and nothing felt okay anymore. 

But we believed in it that with the mediation and the TM-sutras it was possible to manifest what was in the sutras. But afterwards it was gone and there was no feeling of understanding it and that was not a good feeling and it had to do with it that it was all learnt by heart before, it was all gone, nothing left and we had to get to the right type of understanding, that is what Swami said, it is very difficult to understand. 

Nothing seemed to make sense anymore and there were no answers and now way to get there, but wait, wait, wait, wait. 

It felt like the struggle began and the worries and when coming back everything was gone and I didn’t feel like my former self anymore, it had all evaporated in thin air really and I had no idea how I would ever be able to integrate that in my life. 

So that prayer felt just right, because it was about getting aware of it and being able to absorb in that lifetime.

It was years of waiting and not understanding and at the end giving up to ever get there to be able to understand. 

In the US still mediating with such a prayer I began to claim my power back, I began to pray, I didn’t know what was wrong and what went wrong, it was just not understandable and I didn’t know what to do else to get there. 

That is how I began to pray from the Lord God of my being, no conflict really, all the same, if there is conflict, it is only in the mind and limitations in the mind and anyhow, Swami, I wrote when nothing seemed right anymore and we still didn’t know how to get there to finally understand it.

The human being is a composite of man, beast and God, and in the inevitable struggle among the three for ascendency, you must ensure that God wins, suppressing the merely human and the lowly beast. Man must know the Universe as basically Brahman or Divine. You and the Universe are one; all are subsumed in the same unique entity. The cosmic vision can be acquired either by watching the Universe or one's own inner Cosmos. One has only to discover oneself.

I had a self-experience in the dream stage was in my twenties and I didn’t really understand how it got there.  It was in the dream stage as white light person and separated from the dark body and there was a ribbon between the body and the light person, that ribbon was blue and it said, ‘self’. I thought if that is all we have to discover, we discovered it time ago, but it is not just that, not just insight, but we have to understand it, that is the main thing.

Before I went to Baba in the heart was a tiny, little dark blue form and that was God and he calls it akasha, the space within. And that is great, because we worked with akasha in our meditation, but we were not aware of it that the space of akasha is in the temple of the heart and it explains or confirms, why he said, ‘he wanted to fly’ in the dream. 

The flying sutra was the relationship between the body and akasha and abut the lightness of a cotton fiber’ and it is a way we can travel at the inside and that is what we tried to develop with the sutras. Only the sutras worked differently, it was more like a prayer and manifested Swami’s presence than that we began with that program to travel and get a cosmic vision in the inner view, but with Swami it is possible to develop that inner vision.

In the citadel of the body, there is the lotus temple of the heart, with subtle akasha (space) within.

In the space of the heart is akasha and he is the indweller of the heart, that tells us why he said, ‘I wanted to fly’ and it was about the relationship between the body and akasha and the sutras they were all present in him and it was all present in the Darshan and it came up in his presence, but only now we really can see it and understand it. 

In the akasha space is everything contained and that is where we were thinking the sutras.

In it are contained heaven and earth, fire and air, sun and moon, stars and planets - all that is in the visible world and all that sustains it, and all into which it submerges.

We have the inner light, the sun and the moon, the polar star and the planets, the cosmos, the difference between intellect and Atma, intuition, the divine hearing, seeing, feeling, it is all in that room in akasha in the heart and our program and the good qualities we were thinking after meditation and in the Siddhis and it manifested, but we got in touch with the master of the heart, divinity itself, the indweller and all the sutras are alive in him. He has that divine hearing, seeing, feeling etc. He is the qualities like friendship, compassion, bliss, in him is the strength of an elephant, and as we can see he is in the rest of the sutras as well, but that is the level we went into with meditation and siddhis, it was the promised land that we would learn to travel in that space in the heart, only we didn’t know where that space really was and therefore, that wisdom is very precious as it explains a lot really, if we have the experience of it. 

We repeated the sutras mechanically and systematically and the travelling inside was not explained and we never heard about insights and how to understand it right, how to work with truth, the threefold level of truth, by listen, think it over and absorb, it was all not present.

That is how we went to Swami, he said in the dream, ‘he wanted to fly’.

It is a different matter and a different feeling if we know why we went there and why we were in his Darshan and what we were really looking for what is all in the sutras.

Now we had to get aware what it means that he is the knower and what we are not and why, it is about that difference between mind and Atma and knowing what is not different and what is the same.

On one hand side it turned into joy as he said yesterday and waves of joy as it had to do with truth, that is also something we didn’t know before and we realize only when he is telling us why there had been actually waves of joy and it is directly related to the truth within, but to get those insights and to get the right knowledge and to get it confirmed it needed such a long time, that I thought we will never get there. That was a struggle and a constant worry also, we had to understand it and we didn’t understand it, we had to trust and it took much too long. If we do not think it over, we don’t get aware of it and for me it would not be possible to be in such a state of not knowing why things happened really, but it was such a subtle level and it on the Atma level really, as he said, he is the insight and he is the following step, it means we have to listen and think it over and be careful that we don’t miss it, we have to be ready and go for it and if we sleep we miss it.

In fact the sutras were like prayers and as we believed that they could and would manifest and it did, but not as we thought, but it is manifested in him and first we just experienced the joy of the truth in it.

Instead of rotating round the earth in the higher realms of space and planning to land on the moon or Mars, if only one plans and prepares to travel into one’s own inner realm, what sublime joy and peace can be attained!

We travelled in the own inner realm, that was great actually, but a bit strange that we just did it as program and without any further explanation how it would be travelling in the inner space and what we would find and how we would know how to take a right turn from a not right turn. We had not schedule for that travelling, we had only a program and that became mechanical and a habit.

Nobody knew what to do about insights and why he said that he is the insight and the following step and what to do about it, how to get aware of it, all that was not in the programs, it was just mechanical repetition and it was a kind of miracle that we went to Swami in such a way.

 Swami is different, he tells us why it happened and makes us aware of it, but we have to listen if we don’t listen, we don’t get it, we also live like mechanical only, but not with sutras, but with singing. If we just think for years sutras and nothing happens, it is just a program, it gets a habit and that solidifies and is part of it, but we never will get any insights.

Going to Swami was not the result we had expected and getting aware of it that he is ‘that’ and that the divine will is different, not the body, he is the doer, but not the mind, but it is in the prayer, the Lord God of my being is He and not I, the I is identified with the body and he is identified with the Lord God of my being. 

It was about the realization that we are not the body and not the mind. That prayer was the answer to the situation we lived in and I began to remember it after meditation like the sutras in the hope it would change from the inside and I tried to get strength and my power back.

The expression of the Lord God of my being I liked, because it put the focus in my own center even if it was He and was not looking for it outside of me really and the answers were already included, it was just a matter of time until it would change and by that get aware of all those issues which didn’t make sense if I should be able to reflect on it and absorb it in this life time and that is just what happened in listening, thinking it over to get able to absorb.

There was a time nothing made any sense anymore and nothing changed as it seemed, it was a Swami Lila as we called it and at the same time not, it was too strange and it didn’t make any sense and we had to get some kind of answer.  

I probably didn’t tell anybody about it, to make sure in silence it would be stronger and if we talk about it the power of it could even get lost and my so called life partner was anyhow far away and he would not have been able to understand it and it would have just resulted in the negative which was always in him, so what I said to him was, Swami did it he will find a way and that happened finally, he found a way. 

We know that prayers are powerful and if we think it after meditation it is even more powerful as we are on that transcendental state of mind.

If I would have told him, I would have been scared that he would take advantage of it, make fun of it, for sure if he would have sensed the idea that the prayer was not what he wanted actually and therefore, not in his interest. 

He would have pestered about it or as he usually did what I was not aware of really that he enjoyed destroying my energy and when I felt good he didn’t stop until it felt bad, what he was probably not aware of, otherwise, he would not have been able to think that he was a lovely husband and that Swami will send me back to my lovely husband as he had in his dream, he should have occurred to him that it could also be the opposite, the he will not send us back. It was sure that Swami will decide, that was in the air and also that if he will not tell us to go back to the lovely husband, that we will not go back. 

How blind can someone be if he is in the insight or in the dream as cold blooded and calculating seeing only his own advantage so that Swami was in the dream and reflected as a vampire, what was really scary and if we think it over, it gets worse than beastly and more deadly really living of the energy of others and was able to see himself as lovely?

That was shocking, such a shocking fact that the risk was that big, it was too big to be taken really, it was too dangerous, expressed by the master himself and the insights the good was at the others side like that shadow of the really it could be, but it was not and that he was able to see himself as lovely that made it only worse. 

It was more than anyone can take and it scared me to death, I didn’t talk with him anymore, afraid that every word I said would be misunderstood, abused, misinterpreted or lead into the opposite. I just had to get out of it, trust was gone. 

We don’t know where his mind was actually, somewhere on a place, not on the earth really, somewhere in a dream, he had his own reality, when he lost the job because he didn’t do a good job, he dreamt about becoming the partner of his boss, he seemed to start to dream to feel better. It was a mind state I couldn’t relate to, I didn’t feel him, I had no idea who he was an where he really was living and I didn’t understand it, that going into dreams what had probably to do with the American dream was for me that awkward and out of question and silly really, I couldn’t take that serious even less live with it.

He felt to me like a little boy or somehow retarded, living in a dream world, whenever it got difficult and we should actually be alert and present and do something about it, he took off in his dreams and he went far away into the craziest realms of dreaming his way to heights nobody should think possible where he would have liked to see himself really at the same time probably somewhere realizing that it was done for good, so he began to dream and talk about it that he could be the partner of the person who actually was about to fire him, just to not have to think that he would lose the job or was out of job, he created a dream world and began to find solutions with the people in his whereabouts but always in such a way that he could talk advantage of it and all that in the name of Swami. 

Finally I should go and work for him, why not, I was the gift of Swami and if he was unable to do it, I had to take care of it, as I took already care of everything else in the meantime, so he was out of it and just the chief of commander and we had to work for him, that was his dream. It was easy, it was logical and the only thing that worked and why should anybody care and if it doesn’t work again, there are still parents, what are they for, they should take care of all of us including him, that was his way of thinking and reasoning.

For me that guy was nuts, I couldn’t handle it and that is how I got aware of it finally that he would destroy us all and we had to leave and with his sister he went afterwards living in her basement he had to do something and find a way and he didn’t take off in impossible realms and dreams, with her he couldn’t do it, but she was probably the only person that could keep him on the ground.

When everything broke into pieces, he began to dream of the opposite, probably to make himself feel good.

In the prayer was the inner source and it was centered in my own being and by that it was possible of getting aware of it in this life time to be able to meditate and contemplate to be able to absorb it, that is just what we needed until then there was not yet any answer in sight, it was still far away.

It felt like no way out, but I forgot about it after being with Swami for four months and after coming back I had different things to worry about starting new again, but there was still no answer why it was like it was and how we managed getting into that journey and with time it began to load. There was like no way out as it had to get clear and that is how it went on still waiting for the answer and it was still not there, no way of thinking it over and absorb.

We didn’t know the source; but he was acting out being a meditator, when he wasn’t, that had to do with now knowing the source. It just didn’t make any sense, why anyone should do something like that?

That is how I got into it and the past we had behind us had another side we didn’t expect. We couldn’t get aware of it in the ashram what would have been obvious in the West and that is just when it came in the worst we probably could think off and we were exposed to it and it didn’t make any sense, we didn’t know it really and that is how it happened, it took too much time, we didn’t know the danger, when we left what we had been in before and it all came up at once as it seems. 

It is kind of a shock how that worked and all that just because we wanted once innocently going into inside travelling and we had no idea about it and what abyss we would find in that kind of safe inside journey. As high we can fly up, we also can fall down, that we didn’t think about at all when it began, for sure not, if we would have known, nobody would have gone for it, safety first it said, probably because of that reason.

We went in no time through heaven on earth and again down to hell and it seemed to not stop anymore and looking back it was a roller coaster and not just a pleasant inside journey. 

But with Baba it can certainly be that pleasant and a joyful inside journey if we listen to his words and know what we are doing.