Result and Karma

For every being, life is a series of acceptances and rejections, of joy and grief, benefits and losses. Take everything that happens to you as gifts of grace. Of course, you must act with all the skill and devotion you are capable of. And you must do your duties with as much sincerity as you worship God. Then, leave the result to the all-powerful, all-knowing, all-merciful Lord. Why do you hold yourself responsible for the results? He prompted it, He got it done through you; He will give whatever result He feels He must! Can you store gold in a gold box? No! You store it in a steel or iron safe almirah, isn’t it? So too, understand that the gift of joy comes packed in the rind of grief. Do not pray to God to give you only joy; that will be foolish. Pray for the fortitude to realize that grief and joy are but two sides of the same coin.
Baba 

We had been moving in January, because the building we had been living in so far is getting a new elevator and our place got too small, by next months all people have to somehow move out and go to another place. But it was lots of work and it was good to throw away lots of stuff and to clean out things.

And you must do your duties with as much sincerity as you worship God. Then, leave the result to the all-powerful, all-knowing, all-merciful Lord. Why do you hold yourself responsible for the results? He prompted it, He got it done through you; He will give whatever result He feels He must!

My daughter went to her aunt to New York last week and that was for her a good experience. Luckily her father was just as usual over Shivarathri in India, so we had here an undisturbed time and surprisingly it was in the insight or dream as 'peace' in the air. 
It is telling me also that with my ex, who claims to be a Baba devotee and goes every year to India, it is not possible to live in peace. 
As Baba tells us to help ever and hurt never, he seems to do the opposite, taking advantage of everybody around and seeing it as a gift from divinity and he doesn't give a second thought if he hurts someone, so every word he is telling seems somehow the opposite of what Baba is teaching and he leaves behind him a trace of 'hurt ever and help never'. He lived in his sister's place and didn't pay any rent and when they moved, he didn't help her to move, he just packed his things and that was it.
But he thinks that is all Baba given. He listens to music in the evening always as my daughter said, he is gone and nowhere to be found and he tells people he meditates, but I am certain he never meditates, he listens to music and because it is about meditation, he is telling everybody that he meditates, because it sounds better, not because he does it and that are bad thoughts as Baba told him he has bad thoughts and a bad monkey mind. He has no idea what that is and I get a feeling for it in time.
So forgetting all that, we go on and my daughter said years ago, if we don't have integrate the other side of it, it sounds like 'love - harmony - sweet pancakes', that is a saying, but in reality it means everything is fine only it is not true.

When talking about him it turns usually into negativity and everything seem shit. 
I don't know any better word for it, so talking with his sister made us feel good and she came back all happy and they already mentioned that we will actually maybe meet again and have a date and get together as family again. 
Yes, we can do that one evening or one gathering with the family and it is certainly good, but not on a relationship level ever if peace is restored - we should take care of it that it can get disturbed again.
That is the stupidity of just positive thinking, we always look for peace, even if it is not real and we will get the opposite if we listen to that. 
Baba said when he left the body, 'no more husband, nothing left but an empty Western shoe' and it didn't feel good and every day I questioned it and was thinking it over why that happened and there are reasons in my family background, my father was mistaken and it was not possible to see it a different way and why not, because there was no answer to that always coming up question, why?
It was also not possible to go and get it out of my mind as I would have liked to and to get over the bitterness coming up and we had to go on like that and find another inside way to get in touch with him and after all we think that maybe we would not have made it without that to get to the insight of it. 

Why do you hold yourself responsible for the results? He prompted it, He got it done through you; He will give whatever result He feels He must!

Even if we didn't like it and we knew after all we wanted it like that and it was a gift, it was not possible to enjoy it as gift, but we had to go on no matter what obstacles are there and thinking it over in that light got us to different insights, not good once, shocking insights, but nevertheless, it was not a question of the quality of it and if it was positive or negative, we had to go on and thinking it over again and again and not caring about the result that it felt not good. After some time we began to realize that maybe it just had to be like that to balance the inner view in a certain way and that maybe after a while it will get better or it doesn't matter anymore if it is good or bad, it is as it is and we just go through it - that seems even better. 
We will go on digging in the heap of crap and go on until one day there is hopefully all of it gone. It is like moving, we enjoy to go to a new place, but at the beginning it is just lots of work, until we are a bit settled down and now the time comes when we begin to enjoy our new place it seems and after all that feels good.

For every being, life is a series of acceptances and rejections, of joy and grief, benefits and losses. Take everything that happens to you as gifts of grace. Of course, you must act with all the skill and devotion you are capable of.

If the mind is in the mood of rejection and we think it over, it is not about seeing it as a gift of grace, even though we know it is, it is not present as a gift on the feeling or heart level. Usually we try to avoid the pain and we look for whatever is happiness and what feels good for the mind. If the result seems not good, we have to live also that part of it and it was not good and it seemed often like it could not have been worse. 
It seemed dangerous and there was ruin in the air and we all didn't expect such experiences in Baba's presence, but you know what, if we read his words and listen to it he is talking about ruining our life if we do this or that and if we do not have the experience of it, we cannot understand it. 
The wisdom in his words has to be come experience to make sense and if we listen to it, we have to recall that experience and often it seems first that far away, it takes some time until I remember how I can relate it to his words in my own experience and afterwards only I get a feeling for it and it means we understand it now in the present and we don't think I will understand him maybe somewhere in the future when I know more about it ...
What is based in the past and projected in the future is the mind and the present and now is Atma and it means, we cannot postpone it, we have to do it now as we are talking, as we are reading, as we are living - in the now and not tomorrow.
It is just an example and tomorrow it is maybe different again, but what matters is not if it is only positive or not negative, but what matters is the going on and on no matter what obstacles are there in the mind. 

Can you store gold in a gold box? No! You store it in a steel or iron safe almirah, isn’t it? So too, understand that the gift of joy comes packed in the rind of grief. Do not pray to God to give you only joy; that will be foolish. Pray for the fortitude to realize that grief and joy are but two sides of the same coin.

All those seemingly bad experiences look like the iron safe on the outside and not the peace and love we usually talk about and everybody just wants to see that and they even think they are enlightened in talking only sweet stuff more or less being an actor and pretending to have love and peace when in reality nothing of it is present and that is seen as bad thoughts as Baba explained it not long ago.
We cannot accept truth if we pretend to be good and holy and in reality everybody around us is sharing our own experience and that there is no trace of love in him.

It is like a joke that he goes to Baba who is the embodiment of love, but as he doesn't listen and just takes advantage of it, everybody experiences him as no love, he doesn't care if he hurt feelings and he forgets as it is all only about himself, he is careless and in him we find not a trace of love and not a trace of Sai Baba's reality. 
So we were happy that he was not here.  
I guess if we recognize that it is just the outside and that in the inside is gold and the real value, it will make sense and we feel different about it.