Watch the Heart, cleaning the Mind is not enough

Spiritual knowledge cleanses the mind and helps us undertake good actions. But that is not enough. The heart also should be pure. In the absence of purity of heart, there can never be purity of the mind and intellect. 

We should not give scope to the creepers of bad qualities to entangle the heart. A creeper that goes around covering the tree ultimately smothers the tree itself. One should ensure that the creepers of lust, anger, greed, and infatuation do not get entangled to one's own Self. The society will ultimately value purity of heart more than all other achievements. One can escape from the house on fire, but not from the senses which are ignited by the fire of evil qualities. It is the foremost duty of every individual to keep their senses under control.

Baba (thought for the day)

Years ago I became a meditation teacher, it was a great experience and we really thought, we do that for the rest of our life and people would come and learn to meditate. We initiated them with a Puja and for a short while it was okay. And therefore, we thought it would take care of everything. We didn't think of money, who cared about money if it was about a fulfilling work and dedication to something we believed in. 

I had no idea what I went into when the national leader of the TM-movement began to call. 

He wanted me to look for houses for the Maharishi and real big and very expensive hotel buildings. 

It was quite challenging to search for houses we cannot get less but for millions. 

That is how I got in touch with him or he got in touch with me, because he called constantly and kept me busy and as he had a personal contact to the Maharishi, he was like personal staff, who was still residing  at that time in Seelisberg, it was also interesting. 

He had many small story to tell in all that time with the master, nobody else had and therefore, because it was a big exception to belong to the personal staff of a Yogi.

He was also in a kind of nearly funny relationship to a very young girl, she lived in the French part of Switzerland and they couldn't talk to each other, only in English and even that was not very good. He fell in love with her and asked her she would marry him, but he had to ask the yogi first, what made it even more special. It sounded like an strange thing, because he asked the Maharishi, if he could marry her and he said, if he would married her, as she had a big ego, he would have to work like a donkey. He didn't like to work very much, but he enjoyed to be the leader so for myself I wondered if the yogi meant her or him or probably both of them. It sounded strange to me, kind of funny and also they didn't match. It was also strange that he had to check with the yogi, but who was I to know, I didn't know it yet too well, I still felt kind of new in that yogic environment. 

But as I was working with him and I had been in France and we were the same age, I was also available and why not, it could be worse I thought and in a sense I also liked him. 

I had been in a relationship with the Hare Krishnas and hat met someone at that time. It was about an experience of the higher self and I had to understand it or get some more knowledge about it. It was just white light, it was love and beauty and I just didn't understand it. 

It was like a miracle that it appeared in my dream and therefore, I had to get more knowledge about it to understand it right. 

One day the Hare Krishnas sold books at my work place in a bank in Geneva and I got some book and went afterwards for a visit to hopefully get more knowledge. I realized if I wanted to get closer to it I had to make the experience, it was not possible to understand it without practical knowledge. So first I was only for a holiday and decided to take the chance and to make the Krishna consciousness experience. 

It was a shock for the parents, for the family and I could not really explain it. They just saw that it was about God and probably thought I was in a religious sect and tried to get me out of it. But I had already met a nice French guy and we began to date and after my parents got me out of it, it was just not possible to get back as it was before, it felt like that boring. I couldn't go back to their life style, it felt that empty, I went to France with my new boyfriend and we lived in Paris. 

I didn't know at that time, but it has been a good time. He worked for Spiritual Sky and we traveled all over France, but I didn't get the answers I needed to understand the higher self.

I knew there was that yogi, a master in Switzerland and I needed a master to get more knowledge. He seemed to be close by or reachable. Therefore, I began with TM in Paris and I asked strange questions, if they slept on the floor or if they lived renounced, that was the reality I had met with the Hare Krishnas and they were laughing. 

In the beginning I liked it very much, because it was a way to meditate silently twice a day to get more energy, to be more focused on real things and the studies were also easier. I thought I had to use my time as I lived in Paris and work in my free time on my French. 

With the Hare Krishnas we should have married, that was movement policy, but we did not do it, it was all too fast, too new and that felt too serious and it was in the mean time also considered old fashioned to get married that fast and anyhow, it was a difficult decision to take. 

Before a French test I went to a course, a siddhi prep course, a week rounding and intense meditation to get more rest. 

I went on that course and was surprised how easy the test felt afterwards. On that course was a TM-teacher who felt like soulmate to me and that was a level I didn't expect and I saw it as a sign to go in that direction. But he was French and my time with the Hare Krishnas began to end. 

In the dream a window opened and there was the echo of the sound of the mountains and I knew it would bring me back to my country. It felt also very beautiful. After that we went for the siddhis, that was still a great time, we wanted to fly. It was exciting to get the new sutras and to practice them in meditation. 

During the flying course we went to Gersau and when I called Paris, there answered someone I didn't know. With all that yogic background which took my attention somewhere else as it seems, my boyfriend felt neglected and found some lady more interested in him than me, not only yoga and spirituality. But somehow that didn't feel okay and I didn't go back, he found not only another one, but she was living in our place. When I had met him, I was about twenty-six and had in my mind only the higher self and got pregnant I guess the first time we were together. It was kind of overwhelming or that far a way, I didn't expect it and as there was no situation my family could trust in, in that moment I got all support I was looking for, I was not let down in that moment, my father even paid for the abortion, my sister was medical assistant and she sent me to someone in the name of the doctor. She also had an abortion behind her, even if she was seven years younger that way she was not alone. And she said once to me that it was not possible to think to be alone educating with our family. It was easy and overwhelmed by the situation, I went for it, because it had to be decided fast and also I had never that much attention of the family than in that moment, before they never cared at all.

But afterwards I had a strange feeling, it was nothing left but emptiness and there was no reason staying there, I went back to him to Paris.  

 

But TM had changed our relationship and it felt like TM was possible to be accepted by my family, because we came back with a big smile, my sister, my brother and my father began with TM. It felt like success on all levels and it was the best time with the family I ever had, but it was only during a short time.  

With the job in Zurich I saved for the TM-teacher's training, everything felt like okay on all levels, even on the level family.

I had to earn the money for the TM-teacher's training and was convinced that it was the right path. 

I intended to go and initiate with that guy who felt like soulmate and therefore, I had to go for the TM teacher's training. During that course I noticed that I didn't know enough about it. It was most learning by heart and all secret and therefore, the planning was not what we had in mind. I did it in German and if I would have liked to initiate with that so called soulmate, it should have been in French, but already it was too late to change it. 

But however bad it was, during that course we met the Maharishi, it was in the insight as in the dream as perfect harmony, his presence harmonized it.

But what was it and why it needed to be harmonized, that I didn't realize? There was no relationship between insight and the following step, Baba showed me later on in the dream that he was the insight and the following step. 

During the course we watched a lot of tapes and on one tape the Maharishi said that he doesn't do that, he was not present as master, he just lived in the Swiss mountains and therefore personal staff, because he lived there. Nobody understood the difference between a master present and a master not present.

I realized I would not get answers about the higher self. I hoped with a master to get answers and it seemed only to get more confusing. 

I asked at our last meeting with the Maharishi becoming a TM-teacher about the higher self, because we knew nearly nothing about it. The answer from Maharishi was on an intellectual level, what didn't tell me anything. There was a very strong feeling present of just going on and on.

I told him how it felt and he nodded, but it was hardly visible and afterwards was clear, just go on and on. 

I thought in just going on I would get the right answer and it felt like Baba said, going no no matter what obstacles are there and see it in our own life, but that is about discrimination and in TM it was not about discrimination, but only meditation, the intellect was not used anymore, if there was something, whatever they meditated more to solve it and that didn't solve problems, but created them, because there was no discrimination.   

Afterwards again in the Center I still went on, no matter what obstacles where there, the principle of just going on and on no matter what obstacles was there went on always.  

 

A few months later, a new TM-teacher, we went to a world peace assembly in Italy and it felt real beautiful. The Maharishi was present and it felt like heaven on earth and after that the national leader asked me to drive back with him in his car.

He spoke a lot about his relationship with the Maharishi and the one with that lady on course. It was kind of fascinating and it felt safe, because the Maharishi said always, safety first. He wanted to get married and after the answer of the Maharishi was, 'no' and not as they wished it would have been, she went on the mother divine course with open end, and he told her he would not wait. 

It was soon obvious that he didn't intend to wait, I began to be present all over with him and I had no idea how fast the news spread around in the movement and I didn't know the background good enough, TM secrecy, nothing was transparent.

And one day she was back and I still thought it was finished that relationship, but seemingly it was not and anyhow, I didn't know if he was the right one, it didn't look like and I actually didn't want all that. 

They asked me if I would like to assist a teacher's training course and I thought, why not, I hoped the course would be far away and I would be able to focus on what I had in mind, the higher self and getting more knowledge.

Usually they were all over in the word, but this time it was here and it didn't move away. Instead of getting out of it, I got fully into it and it became the worst experience ever. As people knew it all, it felt like exposed to it, everybody shared his opinion with me and it was not possible to keep my private life and no safety. I wished I would never have met that guy, but he was the one who asked me to find those big houses for the Maharishi, therefore, it was not my doing and it explained maybe why I felt exposed, but I wished to be anywhere only not where I was. 

And that is when it began in the inner view to reflect. It was not anymore easy and great and I had no idea what to do with the experiences. 

In reality it was the end of TM, in the inner view thin air broke into pieces and it seemed there was no way to get answers, that was the worst of it and meditation didn't do it. 

That course went on for nine months. What began that easily in France had turned into a nightmare in no time and I wondered what happened to me. The master was not there, he lived afterwards in Holland and he could only come back if he entered the country with a working visa. It was awful, nothing seemed okay anymore, it felt ridiculous and trapped. 

I had to go on no matter what obstacles are there.  

In the inner view all turned into enemies, they looked like puppets on a string and the hand was not there holding them, it means he had made out of them puppets, but the missing hand showed that something was wrong, the master was not there. There was a relationship between that master and the puppets and it looked like not existing. 

Baba tells us first is discrimination, second we have to see it in our own life and third we have to go on no matter what obstacles are there. 

The Maharishi was responsible for those puppets and he was not there and it seems the same we find in that movement on nearly all levels, they don't see any responsibility. 

Finally the course ended and I went back to the TM-center and hoped it would get okay again, but in my meditation was a huge black hole. From that moment on I was scared to lose the mind or to get lost in it to the extend to get that tired, I was afraid to die of it. That means trust lost and to the extent I had to save myself and I had to find a way out. 

I wanted to know more about the higher self and landed, as it seems in a jungle. Instead of knowledge about higher self, I was at a place where nothing seemed okay, where everything seemed upside down. I had already lost my conviction about the TM-technique, but I didn't know what it was and we still had to go on no matter what obstacles were there. 

I just went on trying to find away out and was glad to get vibuthi, holy ash and as I put some on my tongue, there was the feeling of love and it went directly into the heart and there was a tiny blue form, divinity. It felt like an open door, somewhere to go on, going on no matter what obstacles are there, but there I could go on. That is how I got in touch with Baba. 

The national leader traveled to Maharishi and still going on no matter what obstacle was there, I went with him, to make sure I did my best and from there I went to Sai Baba. 

But whatever there was in the inner view, I didn't understand it. And after I had been with Baba, I went back to get my luggage, above the ashram and above the houses was black dust, it felt like clouds in the air, it was dark and a sign of Tamas, but seeing it and finding the right answer that was a different matter. As Baba said, he is the insight and the following step, the following step was to find the right answer or the right wisdom. 

 

I went to Baba, but coming back was not great, it felt like an empty place and I wondered what had happened, did I not go on no matter what obstacles were there? The parents had left and lived in Spain, there was nothing left of my life in that place, but nothing at all.

I didn't know what I did in that incredible emptiness and how I got there by just going on and on no matter what obstacles were there. And I didn't know what had happened that I felt that empty. I was glad I could go to Baba and he was holding an uprooted tree in the hand, but how that had happened in always going on no matter what obstacles where there, it seemed kind of impossible, but it had happened anyhow. 

 

There were others who had a difficult time with TM. A scientist I had met in front of the Baba ashram and  I knew his story, because he fell in love with the sister of the national leader and was awfully unhappy. He was even a VIP and we sat together and talked and drank coffee and he turned around and around TM still trying to understand it and finally he wanted to go to Bangalore university to study veda and science. I was usually a half a year with Baba and went back to get a new shock of nothingness in working. I knew I was at the right place with Baba and afterwards I had to go back and earn some money and as soon as possible I went again back to Baba's ashram. And when I came back the TM scientist came back and had died in only six months time, he had cancer.

When I came back I had the feeling I never really had left, but he had died and in that sense there was a different time feeling. The same with another TM-guy, I had met with TM, we did even some TM introduction lectures together, after I came back from India I was looking for him, but he came back from the Purusha course, it was also a course with open end. I have never seen a more lost person, he didn't feel okay anymore, he had similar symptoms, he felt nowhere okay and he had a job and a good job, but he went every weekend to the capital of enlightenment as it was called at that time to be with those people again and more he tired, less he found it. It felt like these people switched and lived somewhere in a nowhere land, they fell down from the TM-trailer.

Actually he felt similar to me when coming back, only when I went back to Baba I felt okay again, because I knew I was at the right place, only coming back was not okay. After I came back to Zurich and it felt that desolate, I tried to find him and was told that he died of cancer in a few months time.  

The tragedy of people lost with TM seemed for some to end in cancer and death.

The experience was too bad, the body couldn't keep up with it and it seems they died. 

I friend of mine is now in contact with such a person, one of those, who were active for TM and got lost and really lost and was really glad to hear it trying to analyse with her together where the problem is and what it is all about, the Guru has the task to get us to the right conclusion, but TM didn't do that, it felt like a right conclusion about the technique, but not the insight and the right conclusion is not about the path and how we meditate, but about the right insight, it is about truth and love, Sath-Chith-Ananda.

 

It was the worst experience ever. If we don't know what is wrong, what we didn't know and what was the source, we cannot understand it.

They saw everything as only stress, just meditate and all problems will be solved and the relationships got lost, how to identify the source of the problems, if we didn't know the source? How to find it as everything was secret. How to look for the mistake and how to search for a way out not even knowing the problem? No problem, just meditate, but on that level it was not real. Not knowing the problem, we could not even know what this was all about, and it ended in the feeling - cut off like with TM. And it said inside, if you don't know the source, you cannot understand it and what was it all about if it said source, what go lost and why was it not possible to find it? 

And not one of them sees the responsibility, they live for meditation only and all their power to meditation, they answer for everything. 

Osho said that people with TM get lost, because of the master not present. 

 

It is like we go on, if there is a problem, we go on and these are obstacles. They do not think about a problem, but meditate and go on meditating.

So there was the soulmate, who was in France initiating and upset that he didn't tell me to do in French and I thought, forget about it, just meditate and that is how it went on with everything. We could as well tell, forget about it, we meditate and our problems are solved.

That means those people do not see any responsibility, because it is always the same, as the inner master said, we do not have a case, because they forget about it and get on meditating and no matter what, the answer for everything.

If it is not right and if it is not as we would like it to be, just forget about it, meditate and feel better.

If it is about the boyfriend who didn't care to tell the truth, forget about it just meditate ..., you will never know if he was just careless or if he did it in purpose ..., it is all the same. 

And that over years, figure out how many times they tell, just meditate and avoid to look at something we normally look at.

And that is how they want to get enlightened and more over they want to fly ... 

I liked Patanjali and therefore, I was looking at other Yogis and the explanation of the yoga sutras and there was one who explained the sutras, it was explained as - relationship between body and akasha, lightness of a cotton fibre, is just for the light body to travel and it makes sense. The flying sutra on body level is with Prana, exercises to get with the breath lightness in the body to lift it up in the air, but it is an advanced sutra and only for top yogis and not beginners, who don't even know how to meditate. It means that yogic flying is really just flying in the light body, what is actually even better and great, but it is projected on body level and like that everything with TM is projected on body level.

And even worse, if you get once a program and repeat those sutras twice a day, it is stuck in the program, always the same way and it is not possible to experiment with it or take other sutras and read Patanjali and find it. It feels great.

Stuck in a program and in technique, no way out but to stop it, nobody who is able to help or to assist. Nobody capable to answer the questions and to make aware what it is and what it works or doesn't work, no awareness what so ever about it. To call that 'enlightenment' is certainly not aware enough to get closer to being enlightened.

Always just meditate and problems will be solved, that doesn't work anymore after years and when it is clear that the problems are not solved and that there is no flying and als no enlightenment.  

We went in direction of the higher self, didn't know the relationship level good enough, because it is about relationship only to realize that in the 'soulmate' was the higher self reflected, in the relationship. It was cut off, no relationship, going on meditating without questioning the relationship level. That cut us off from the self, while we thought we went in direction of the self. 

Baba compares the higher self with husband and wife. Wife is the mind and it helps us to see the relationship level between mind and higher self.

With TM the master was not there, therefore, the husband was not consciously present and that is the source. Because of the master not being present the relationship got lost. With a 'soulmate' we into the siddhis program and even the teacher training, but he didn't see it, no responsibility that he didn't tell how it really was, he didn't care if it was deceiving or not, as it was all secret, my Problem if it was not as I would have liked it.

Even after telling him and it took that many years and was always a problem and he had only cliche answers and said, it was not meant to be and that it will be different now, and I answered, bullshit ...

For sure not, as the inner master said, it is always the same with those people, we have no case and that will also be like that in the future, it means it cannot change, because there is no insight, no character and no awareness. 

No responsibility on that side of it. It will always be the same for them, the only wisdom they know is to just meditate and all problems will be solved, even if it is not true. Already the master was not there holding the puppets on the string he had made and the people can not be different.  

   

But it is a good feeling today to know the difference and to see it in our own life. It is not only about going on no matter what obstacles are there, it is also about seeing it in our own life and to be able to do that, it is a matter of discrimination and everything else is out of question.