Every being is suffused with love. It is only for our convenience, for our pleasure, and our own selfish purposes that we develop certain worldly relationships. Give up selfishness and strive for self-realisation. You must enquire into yourself, "Who am I? Body, mind, intellect, chittha (memories) or ahamkara (ego)?" You are none of these. You are yourself - "I am I." Recognise this truth. One must render selfless service. The fruit of all actions must then be sacrificed. Only a person, who denounces the fruits of all actions, deserves to be called a Yogi (renunciant). A Yogi is not one who merely sits under a tree, closes one's eyes and meditates. Real sacrifice involves giving up your desires. Do not be narrow-minded. If you are inflicted with narrow-mindedness your whole life will become narrow. Develop broad-mindedness and cultivate selfless love.
Baba (thought for the day)
Years ago I met a guy at the Baba ashram and I had been in an interview with Baba and in that interview he had asked the lady I had to translate for, who I was, to whom I belonged and what our relationship was. Because I had to translate and I talked about myself, it was indirect and not direct and there was no answer, when she said my name, I knew it was not about that name, but that is all I knew, I also didn't know how to get aware of it.
I thought I had to get the answer with others, not only in meditating in my own self, but in processing and talking out my thoughts or writing about it with others, there was a mirror needed to get aware of it. Before I didn't talk much about Sai Baba interview questions because it seemed private and now that had changed and I began to talk about it. We were on the way to Kodai to the mountains with Baba, when he left the car and I saw that he had an uprooted tree in his hand. I had enough experience with Darshan to know that it had to do with me, but I had no idea how to related it to that 'uprooted' tree in the inner vision, why 'uprooted'? What means 'uprooted'?
Also in Baba's presence I didn't think of all those bad experiences I had with my parent's house before when I had been a teenager and that I didn't feel home anymore, but I knew that I avoided it and that I didn't want to go back because it felt not okay.
Thus, 14 days after that interview we lived in a house and there it was all mixed, men and woman together and I talked about the interview with Sai Baba and there I met that guy from New York, he seemed to be a nice guy in my own age, but he said that I belonged to him.
In my mind I thought that he knew more about it or that he would help me to find an answer to whatever that was and so I went for it trying to get the right answer, but that was not the right answer. It was in his dream as not the right answer in that room and he didn't question it really and I still had no idea what it was all about.
So I went ahead and thought that it was all Baba's Lila as it happened in Baba's presence.
And finally we got married not because it was right, but because we wanted to live in the ashram and it was not possible to live there as a family if we were mot married and we got a daughter and that was also a reason why we got married.
After the child was two years old we went to Portland/OR and we went into Montessori, but after some time I noticed that everything seemed to go wrong and the dreams got worse and worse and it began to become a nightmare, there were dreams about ruin and being a beggar on the streets of New York city and Baba was in my dream as vampire and with a very long nose and I had no idea why. Only when he was in his dream and he said to him in his dream that I should come and make peace with Baba and he began to abuse it and to make fun of it and instead of seeing the good in it and that it was a Baba call, he began to abuse and harass with Sai Baba's dream, in that moment I knew that it was all wrong and if I tried before to talk to him and I told him that we could not see dreams like they would be a telephone call, not direct but only indirect understanding it, I noticed that it was all in vain, but I didn't understand why.
I tried to do the right thing, because there was also a child involved, but in the meantime it had turned into a nightmare. We went to Baba and it was not possible to go back to him. A month later he went to his sisters and there he was afterwards and he never cared about it how we were doing or how his daughter was doing and after a while, nothing made any sense anymore. He didn't behave like we would expect a Baba devotee to behave, he had no attitude of a devotee, he never cared what Baba said and if he did the right thing, he didn't care about marriage or doing the right thing, he said he would go the 'path of least effort' and that was it. He didn't care also about being a father and soon I realize we had really a problem at hand. I can be lucky that we finally got divorced.
In fact his relationship was not with Baba, but with his former boss and he called him 'friend' he had lived in his room and that had not changed at all.
He goes to the ashram, because it is cheap and he knows people, but he was never interested what Baba is teaching and if he is living that or not. That is how we got aware that we lived in a mud hole.
Only a half a year before Baba left the body that guy wanted to come here to open up a 'money box' and Baba said it was all perverted, so I knew something was wrong, but it still didn't make any sense at all. But now it looks different, it seems he wanted to make us believe he would one day put gold in it, again the level of his big and rich friend and he would have liked to settle down with us again, what means I would have to take care of everything, while he is waiting for the gold falling down from sky. To keep up the illusion he needed the money box he would have filled in his dreams with lots of gold only you can be sure it would never have happened as it is only in his mind, nothing what was in his mind ever has happened.
When we arrived in 92 I told him he should go to college again, he didn't do it instead he thought I would take care of him or my parents, my family letting me down in 68 already and what I didn't understand is that I repeated it again and again and he didn't get it.
I told him and next day he said the same again that they should take care, he just didn't get it, that guys mind was set in a pattern and there was nothing new getting in and it was only focused on the reality of his former boss and that gold would go up in time.
My parents had a house in Spain and that house in Spain was paid by the money they got from the other house they had sold and they actually lived from the rent, that was also a reason why they went to Spain, because it was much cheaper, they liked the sunny times as their hobby was gardening and they enjoyed to get a big house for the money they would have gotten much less in our country and he didn't see that, or course not, he was much too stupid to see it. I had no idea how stupid that guy really was. It seems he saw only the big house and whatever I told him, he didn't get or he didn't listen or he didn't want to know, because it didn't arrange him.
He knew only what he had in mind. I have never met something worse, he is like gone in his mind, hooked on some different place and that place we didn't know and was for sure not with Sai Baba in the ashram. He seemed to be there and he enjoyed it because it was peaceful and people were nice, but above all he enjoyed the status of his former boss who was driving with Baba in the car and in flying with him in the helicopter, because he was his main donor.
And that guy had been an employee of the wealthy boss and he was living in his room, so that he enjoyed very much because he got much attention as he was considered that big boss's good friend. He talked about nothing else but that.
We had the focus on Swami and it all happened in his shadow as it seems.
He was not really in the ashram, he lived somewhere else as it seems. He was living in the room of his former boss and sharing those thoughts and everything was focused on his former boss and not on Sai Baba and every word he said was after a while just strange and he never gave a second thought about truth or about Dharma or doing the right thing, he was just in the ashram waiting that his former boss would get into business again and as he would get his job back. But he didn't get the job back, but nevertheless, he was going on thinking in those lines and when it was not his boss, someone else should take care. Sai Baba was just there to fulfill his desires so when we were talking about the Sai Baba interview and that he had asked to whom I belonged and I didn't know, he said, 'you belong to me' and I thought he maybe knew something about it, but in reality he was just dreaming with open eyes and whatever came into his mind Baba was there to fulfill it.
It was primitive and stupid and a shock when I realized in what I went into with that guy.
I had no idea why 'uprooted' and I went ahead, everything seemed to be a help to find the right answer and that is how it went on.
On my side with the search for the right answer on his side he went on dreaming. Baba asked to whom this girl belonged and he thought he had asked that just for him that he got the wife he wanted, it was nothing but a huge ego imagining that Baba would give him all he wanted, but the stupid thing about it was in that ashram atmosphere we thought that everything was controlled by Baba and that is why we didn't get aware of it, in fact, I am still working on it today, because it is simply not possible to understand it.
As he couldn't get it otherwise, he projected everything into Sai Baba, we could ask and he will give.
It is really the worst state of mind we can imagine.
I had in two interviews to translate for a lady who was schizophrenic, everybody knew her, but in translating I saw my shadow in her, she was all what I didn't like and in her was also part of my family and I didn't like that as well that means I avoided it probably. After that translation I was her focus and she didn't stop to talk to me and I don't remember one word of all that confused stuff she said, I only remember that she had a dream that she was schizophrenic and that was the only thing what made sense. I got that tired of listening to her and I didn't like that Sai Baba put me in that situation that I had to listen to her and I didn't know how to tell her to stop it and so I met that guy and actually he is worse, because with the schizophrenic lady we knew something was wrong and we shouldn't listen to her, but with that guy we didn't notice it. He talked about his boss how was driving in the car of Baba and flying with him in the helicopter and it seemed interesting, when it was all nuts and only because he lived in his room.
What seemed to make sense in the ashram because we saw Baba and we saw that he was driving around with him and that he had VIP status, something I would not have been able to see otherwise, that had its own fascination and it made that guy much more attractive when in reality he was just a dreamer living in his former boss's room thinking he could get from Baba whatever he liked.
My parents were hobby gardeners and therefore, they had a big garden and the house looked much bigger than it really was, because of their focus on gardening and he thought there must be enough money to take care of us as well, he went on thinking of others taking care of him while he was waiting for I don't know what and he constantly lived in the light of his former boss.
He never stopped really, he just projected it on other people and on another level and as he didn't get the job back, he behaved worse than a schizophrenic person and a half a year before Baba left the body he wanted to come here and open up a money box.
My mother was very sick and she died a few months later and I told him that it was not okay and finally he didn't come. He intended to come here and to live again the dream he had lived in in the ashram and with that guy, he was attached at that role of being the special guest of his former boss and being able to live in his room. He was following in the food steps of his former boss and he did it already in the ashram. That is how I get aware of his mind state.
He is living a dream and when it doesn't happen he was telling me, 'can you blame me?'
It seemed all totally nuts. He was just taking the path of least effort, taking advantage of others and of Sai Baba, talking about fairytales, how rich he would get if gold would get high and on and on, it was scary to be in a relationship with someone like that.
I had totally forgotten how nuts it felt. It was back in my memory and that time together in Portland in the illusion of being a Baba devotee and that it was a Baba Lila. It was sick and it makes me still feel sick when getting aware of the perversion in it.
After we left we expected him to act like we thought he did before being a devotee. Baba said we should get a divorce, he ignored it, he didn't behave like a devotee, he gave a shit what Baba said and he also didn't behave like a husband and even less like a father, he ignored everything, he didn't pay alimonies for the first seven years, but he wanted to come and open up a money box, he sounded like someone who had lost his mind. That felt definitely perverted.
The problem is to see it. It didn't make any sense that he wanted to come and open up a money box, for what? To do the same he did before, yes, he is attached on his role, he wants to go on dreaming the dream he dreamt before, pretending he was successful and that the money would come and that he was still in touch with his former boss and that he would sometime in the future fill that money box with I don't know what, probably it would be never more than thin air.
But it was the role he liked to be seen as the friend of his big boss. It had nothing to do with Baba and the background where we had met; it had only to do with his former boss and the role this guy liked to play in the ashram pretending to be the friend of his big boss. He feels like complicity or what he would like it to be.
Baba said that it was 'perverted', but we didn't know why and how it got that perverted, but it really has nothing at all to do with Sai Baba when he wanted to come here to open up a money box, but nothing at all. He feels to me like someone who has lost his mind; he doesn't know anymore what he is doing. He has lost his mind. Baba said to his daughter in the dream that her father is stupid and that he doesn't know what he is doing, that he is destroying himself and if she would go back to him he would destroy her as well. So we couldn't go back, but I didn't realize how bad it was with his mind state. If I say something I get only nuts answers. He feels worse than the person I had to translate for, she was schizophrenic and we knew and we were careful, but that guy seemed to be normal and nothing whatever he said made sense in the end that is the worst case of mind state I have ever met.
Tonight in the insight was the mountain peak and a cross on it. It probably means we reached the peak and that it has to do with the false reflection of that guy who pretended to be a devotee, but was never interested in being one.
It is in the sense only possible to understand that perversion and to see the attitude of his mind if we see the other side of it and to see it in the light of his big boss and we also get aware of the catastrophe on the level of human values. As Baba said he was just taking advantage of it, trying to get into it again in coming here opening up a money box. It is the mind attached to a certain way of seeing it and attached on that role. It feels rather like throwing up than anything else.
He is not only living that role and it is nuts, but he is attached to it and all those things which go with it.
And that is the mud hole, it is impossible get anywhere but getting aware of the mud hole again, because he has no relationship with Baba, he has the relationship only with his former boss and he is attached of the role he got into in living in his room and claiming that he was his big friend.
The big boss is his accomplice.
Recognise this truth. One must render selfless service. The fruit of all actions must then be sacrificed. Only a person, who denounces the fruits of all actions, deserves to be called a Yogi (renunciant). A Yogi is not one who merely sits under a tree, closes one's eyes and meditates. Real sacrifice involves giving up your desires.
He has no idea about selfless service, it has no room in his mind as he is focused on the market and his boss and even less he gets the idea of the actions that much be sacrificed.
He has no room in his thoughts and he is not open for a Sai Baba, he is occupied with the ideas of his boss and gold and the marked and that also wrong understood.
He has no idea what it means to be a Yogi, a renunciant and what Baba is taking about, it doesn't get it. I tried seven years until I noticed I talked to a wall. All that guy has in his mind is that gold will one day go up high and that is all he knows and if it is not true, he will tell, 'can you blame me?'
He is hooked. Nothing has room beside it. It doesn't come to his mind that life finds a way and that it is not that predictable, that it is not real, that doesn't come to his mind.
Someone said that he is inflexible, so if he thinks a certain way once, he will think like that always, he is totally inflexible, he thinks in patterns, he writes the same letters always with the same way of thinking turning around and around in a hamster wheel.
He said that he knew he will practice TM always, because it was about the path of least effort if we meditate; only he never meditated. He was not bright enough to realize that it can only be meaningful if he does meditate and not if he doesn't.
We met in 89 in Baba's presence and I talked about an interview and the questions Baba had asked and it is awful to get aware of it. He asked that lady who that girl was and to whom I belonged and what our relationship was and all that because I had been let down by my family and I was not aware of it. I had no idea that I was 'cut off' and 'uprooted' because of the family.
I wanted to stay with Baba because there was love and with my family not. That is also why I ventured to go into that a relationship with Baba, because I was cut off and it was not possible to know to whom I belonged because of what had happened in the family, but I didn't know it, so I thought I would help to get the right answer as I spoke about a Baba interview and it was clear out of my sight that I had to get an answer until I noticed that I got only bullshit answers.
So Baba makes me aware of it, but it feels like going through a disaster.
The gift to get aware of it and knowing why 'uprooted' and why it said always in the inner view 'cut off' is not really a gift, it is rather awful. There was no protection on the side of Sai Baba. It was in the air, 'I am real', but it didn't tell, I am safe.
We play with our life that seems part of his teaching, being fooled in Baba's name, being ruined in his name and even getting dead threats, having insights about 'amok' and him telling us, three will be killed, tonight', and I thought I do not get it right, 'why should I want to know about it that in Los Angeles airport a young guy, 23 yrs. of age is running amok? But we have to go through it, it is part of it to get finally to the right conclusion and because it is about that right conclusion, we go through it hopefully getting to the right conclusion.
It is not only stupidity, it is attachment on that role of friendship with his big boss and that attachment is much more important than his own daughter or his wife or even Sai Baba, because he is flattered by the big boss seeing him as 'friend'.
I was a TM siddha and I still have the Siddhis in my mind, I meditate with whatever mantra is there, I don't think about it if it is Soham or the TM-mantra, because Baba said 'all mantras' are okay, so why think about it, but I meditate always in the morning and whatever mantra is there, it is okay and I am still aware of the sutras, because they have a big impact on our life, also with 'friendliness' we establish strength as much as we do with the strength of an elephant and I noticed not long when Baba spoke about the sutras that they are about the aim of spirituality and if we keep that 'friendliness' in mind we will not go into death thread and amok and all that what had been present in the insight, but it is nevertheless part of reality and without going through it we don't get to the right conclusion.
The sutras don't go into 'disaster prediction', they on friendliness and the strength of an elephant and they or compassion what is a synonym of love and the aim is recognizing that universal love and bliss, what is God, as Baba said during an interview, 'wherever bliss is, there is God.
And we focus on the 'strength of an elephant', what is the power of Baba and not the market, that are by definition just passing by values and what is the good of it? That guy got attached to it and what is there good about it?
Today the human being has three kinds of faith. One of them is the lowest kind, and the second is of a middle kind, while the third is of the highest kind. If our prema (love), our belief and our affection are confined to our nearest kith and kin, that will be called the lowest kind of prema. On the other hand, if you go a little beyond the narrow region of your family and extend your faith and belief to your country and other people, then we say that it is the intermediate kind of prema. If you treat the entire world as one and regard all the people living in the entire world as one and extend your faith and sympathy to all of them, then it is the highest kind of prema. Thus, gradually we should move from the limited circle of our family to the wider circle of our country and then move on to the broadest aspect of one world. When we talk of humanity, it should not be confined to a small community or group of people. There is only one caste and that is the caste of humanity. And when we talk of humanity we must extend our prema to the entire caste of humanity.
The mind doesn't go beyond the material level, the focus is not on divinity and the principle of the 'I am that', but on passing by values and that is not empowering not renunciation and ceiling of desires, but the level of keeping desires and wealth is not part of divinity, but hording it even beyond death so that it should not get lost. That is all relative and it has nothing to do with Baba's reality of 'I am that'.
And what about selfless love and broad-mindedness, focus on such material values takes care that there is no broad-mindedness possible and for sure no selfless love.
No comments:
Post a Comment