“As the food as the mind, as the mind so the thoughts, as the thoughts so the
action, as the action so the destiny.”
Baba
Observing thoughts, feelings, life situations, I tried to get back to the inner self. It was not a question of understanding yet, just a question of where it had gone. Everything felt ouside only and had really nothing to do with the inner self, and I didn't know where it had gone.
The job, the tasks, the work, the duty, the family, even the thoughts seemed not my own and I wondered where they came from. The feeling was not good and now idea why.
I missed to be inside centered as I had been before writing my diary, feeling self-realization in the air.
It is the inner self, that center, the inside self I was looking for and waiting. The time feeling left, I don't remember time and circumstances. It was respect which forced me to live a certain way, duty, and still I was missing the inner self. Life was not worthwhile living without that.
Two people at my work died of suicide and only after the inner self was there at night in the dream, it made me free from inside. I was free to change it and go in direction of the self, it was okay again.
Death is sweeter than the blindness of ignorance. (Baba)
That was the first time I got in touch with the reality that death is sweeter than the blindness of ignorance.
Later during TM meditation I was kind of certain I would be able to listen, to think it over and absorb it, whatever that would be, it was all contained in 'the strength of an elephant' and behind was that strength of the inner self.
It is a Patanjali sutra. From inside was room in the self. As TM Siddha we repeated 'strength of an elephant' twice a day, TM itself claiming to solve all problems with a mantra and getting invincible, made it impossible to absorb the experience, which could not be understood and absorbed.
I met 'the strength of an elephant' in a Baba darshan, it was standing in the air and had to do with that inside feeling of going on and on and the light of the self, it is able to absorb everything.
But not the visions with TM, as it was all secret the background, not transparent, it seemed impossible to absorb anything.
But the feeling state of 'going on and on' had to do with the ability to wait, to integrate it and to get answers. But that was again in conflict with TM, on a certain point after the teacher training course it was cut off and no more answers.
So I repeated twice a day 'the strenght of an elephant' but TM was cutting off from it. And not one person in that movement had enough insight to be aware of it.
The strength of an elephant feels like the ability to wait, not getting impatient, be in bliss and take it as it comes, and by that absorb and integrate the teaching on a level of
'life is the best teacher' (Baba)
Baba
Observing thoughts, feelings, life situations, I tried to get back to the inner self. It was not a question of understanding yet, just a question of where it had gone. Everything felt ouside only and had really nothing to do with the inner self, and I didn't know where it had gone.
The job, the tasks, the work, the duty, the family, even the thoughts seemed not my own and I wondered where they came from. The feeling was not good and now idea why.
I missed to be inside centered as I had been before writing my diary, feeling self-realization in the air.
It is the inner self, that center, the inside self I was looking for and waiting. The time feeling left, I don't remember time and circumstances. It was respect which forced me to live a certain way, duty, and still I was missing the inner self. Life was not worthwhile living without that.
Two people at my work died of suicide and only after the inner self was there at night in the dream, it made me free from inside. I was free to change it and go in direction of the self, it was okay again.
Death is sweeter than the blindness of ignorance. (Baba)
That was the first time I got in touch with the reality that death is sweeter than the blindness of ignorance.
Later during TM meditation I was kind of certain I would be able to listen, to think it over and absorb it, whatever that would be, it was all contained in 'the strength of an elephant' and behind was that strength of the inner self.
It is a Patanjali sutra. From inside was room in the self. As TM Siddha we repeated 'strength of an elephant' twice a day, TM itself claiming to solve all problems with a mantra and getting invincible, made it impossible to absorb the experience, which could not be understood and absorbed.
I met 'the strength of an elephant' in a Baba darshan, it was standing in the air and had to do with that inside feeling of going on and on and the light of the self, it is able to absorb everything.
But not the visions with TM, as it was all secret the background, not transparent, it seemed impossible to absorb anything.
But the feeling state of 'going on and on' had to do with the ability to wait, to integrate it and to get answers. But that was again in conflict with TM, on a certain point after the teacher training course it was cut off and no more answers.
So I repeated twice a day 'the strenght of an elephant' but TM was cutting off from it. And not one person in that movement had enough insight to be aware of it.
The strength of an elephant feels like the ability to wait, not getting impatient, be in bliss and take it as it comes, and by that absorb and integrate the teaching on a level of
'life is the best teacher' (Baba)
No comments:
Post a Comment