To cultivate a piece of land, the farmer works really long and hard. First, he has to soften the entire piece of land. He must then plough it, sow the seeds and water it regularly. After that, the crop has to grow to a certain stage, and to aid that, he needs to use fertilizers and remove the weeds at regular intervals. Only after all this, will he be able to bring home the food grains. That is exactly what we have to do with our hearts too. The heart is like a piece of land to be cultivated, and we must cultivate it with utmost care and concern. It must be watered with the water of love.
Using the plough of enquiry, you must plough it and sow the seed of the Name of God, and then guard it very vigilantly using the fence of caution and care. You must protect it with egolessness, then you will receive the fruit of love.
Baba (thought for the day)
Is that an interpretation of Baba's words if we think it over and see it in our own life?
Yesterday a frustrated guy after Bhajans began to argue with me about the study circle. He was not like others melting in love and full of joy, he said that I was interpreting Baba.
I didn't understand what he was talking about and as I had always in interview to translate for Baba I never had a bad feeling about it anyhow and it is kind of interpreting what he said, as I had to translate it, that means interpreting, the question is only if we are able to do it or not.
He thinks that study circle should be a discussion. But as we have clear guidelines about it and after all he was just expressing his frustration, I tried to understand his point, only there was no point of it, just arguing.
Anyhow there was no study circle, we had a holiday and there were no people and that guy was kind of trying to blackmail me in telling that he should not participate if it was not possible to discuss matters.
I told him that I will mail him the guidelines of the study circle and as he has special wishes and he wants it if possible in English, I will send it in English, I googled it and got some general guidelines and even in English. He is thinking on his level of arguing that it would be possible to help others and to tell others what to do and I told him how he could possibly tell others and help others and he said that he sees it in their face and I didn't agree.
I just told him that the level of arguing and discussion we were talking just now was no level for a study circle and that we would never get into deepness of the wisdom and our own experience if we would be on that level.
I noticed before in a study circle that he tried to go into discussion, but I had avoided it somehow and not he gets back to me. It was like he wanted to see if people went into the trap, so only he would know the answer afterwards and of course, tell everybody that he knows it and I somehow had interrupted it probably, so that it didn't happen and he was not standing there as the only knower showing up with it and know he is mad at me.
There was no love, it was not charming and nice and there was that sickening energy in the air I know from before and I try to remember where from I know it.
What a difference between someone who is singing and has that expression of happiness and love in his eyes after singing and an arguing guy like that who wants to show others how great he is.
It reminds me of how I felt when I didn't feel good and other Westerns I had an experience like that in the past.
If that is part of what Baba is describing in that thought for the day, it is probably the stage when the weeds have to be removed. That is how we can see it in our daily life. There are some people they just criticize, even if they don't know what they are talking about.
There are people who thank us for the work done and share with joy and there is a warmhearted feeling, but it was an Indian couple, and there are those who always express the lack of satisfaction, their unhappiness and more the others feel happy, more they seem to be frustrated and that are, how could it be different, mostly on the Westerners side.
We never have the problems we have with Westerns on the Indian devotees side. It is their culture and therefore, they do not project I don't know what into it. They don't get to wrong conclusions and are not aware of it.
There seems not much we can do about it, it takes time to understand it or if we see it that way, it takes time to prepare the ground and cultivate the heart. He was frustrated, because it was not as he would have liked it to be and he couldn't share that joy of others and he wanted to nag around and find faults. I will send him the guidelines and if necessary we will discuss those guidelines. I have to take care of it if I like it or not. We can see it as removing the weeds, that way we will learn to channel the negative energy in that manner and get softened in time.
The heart is like a piece of land to be cultivated, and we must cultivate it with utmost care and concern. It must be watered with the water of love. Using the plough of enquiry, you must plough it and sow the seed of the Name of God, and then guard it very vigilantly using the fence of caution and care. You must protect it with egolessness, then you will receive the fruit of love.
I had that experience with that not cultivated and raw energy and I feel like throwing up when I get that close to it and have to feel it. I had met it in that ashram someone with my ex, who was living in his big friend's room like a VIP and he didn't go through all those stages we other went and he mostly sat also outside of Darshan, he didn't even went through the process of lining up and waiting like others.
His heart was not cultivated and that is exactly what happened. He went to Baba in the idea he could get everything he wanted from him and he lived in that room of his friend like a king.
We had an interview and Baba talked with a devotee and I had to translate, but he asked her who I was and what our relationship was and to whom I belonged.
I was surprised, because I was the interpreter or translator, she didn't know me, we just happened to be in the same group and she didn't know enough English and I had to translate into French. I had been living in France before and I had lost all connection to that time, because I came back and got into TM and when it didn't work out, it didn't make sense and I had lost the connection to my life I had before.
I met that guy who thought I was the wife Baba had just in store for him and I thought he might knew more, because I had the feeling to not understand it, most of all I didn't understand the inner view. He felt like a good friend and so there was no reason to not go on, but that changed quickly later on. One day he run amok, out of nowhere he was hitting with a pot on my head, I was actually glad we survived it.
It was such a rage and anger in that guy nobody expected in the ashram, it was an outburst of his temper, incredible for a guy who always felt like controlled and soft-spoken and I never thought he would be able to do that. There was that frustrated energy in him, it was also in the air yesterday after Bhajans talking with that guy, who was in a kind of bad mood and criticized everything.
To cultivate a piece of land, the farmer works really long and hard. First, he has to soften the entire piece of land. He must then plough it, sow the seeds and water it regularly. After that, the crop has to grow to a certain stage, and to aid that, he needs to use fertilizers and remove the weeds at regular intervals. Only after all this, will he be able to bring home the food grains. That is exactly what we have to do with our hearts too.
If we see it that way, it helps to get more patience and to see it as a process and to understand why my ex run amok. It was in the ashram and I walked around for weeks with black eyes hidden behind sun glasses, I sat in Darshan wearing sun glasses. As it happened with Baba and we survived it, I got aware of the danger.
I couldn't leave because we were in India and my family didn't even respond when I wrote and my parents had moved to Spain, so I had to go on and that is what I did, hoping Baba would help, but the next five years were like being in prison, because I was still waiting for the right moment to leave with the child. I couldn't tell how it felt, if I would have, I was afraid to provoke again an amok run and that someone would get killed.
He got me into rage with about everything he said, but I always answered, we met with Baba, he will somehow show the way.
He never answered when I said that. But between us was constantly that tension in the air until finally Baba was in his dream and told him that I had to come to him and make peace with him. He ignored everything whatever had happened and he began to laugh and make fun of it that I was that stupid and had to go and make peace with Baba and I got in shock realize what low level of life and spiritual quality we really lived.
I didn't dear to even show joy being afraid he would not let us go. After the daughter and I left alone to Baba, because we had to go and make peace with Baba and not he, I was that glad to not have to live in that suppressed and dangerous energy anymore, I forgot about it, because we were not in it anymore, as it felt all okay again. The memory of how it really was is coming back just slowly and in bits.
The lady Baba had asked, who I was and to whom I belonged and what our relationship was, she was killed being alone in the ashram, everybody being in the mountains with Baba. She was hit with a bottle on the head and she died from it, what a coincidence!
I got even more scared realizing that Baba had asked, what is your relationship. It was like a warning, after the happening with the pot and the violence in the ashram, what didn't make sense, I was warned and I just wanted to get out of it without that someone should get killed, I was worried about the child.
That is why I always answered, 'with Baba it happened, he will show a way' and I tried to stay out of it as good as possible and that over five long years. Baba was in his dream and told him that I had to come and make peace with him. For me it was the highest, it means it was the end of that mind prison being with that ex, it had turned into tyranny and he was able to not only destroy himself, but also his family. That is what Baba expressed in the daughters dream, he told her that her dad was stupid, that he doesn't know what he is doing and that he is destroying himself and if she would go back to him, he would also be destroying her.
When Baba said that in her dream, it was clear, we would not go back, no nice words of his side, he began to plaid and to excuse himself etc., would get me back to him.
But I still didn't understand it what happened in the ashram.
Only in the meantime seeing the suppressed energy in the people and realizing that he had been living in his friend's room and he was not in the process of cultivating his heart, it was in the dream a black woman fur coat he was wearing, black is Tamas and a red woman skirt, he was dressed up totally perverted as a woman and standing in the ruin or the house, the roof was gone, the walls had been broken down and the floor had holes and he said, that is all I could get in garage sales.
It felt like a kind of hobby of his to go to garage sales and buy stuff, he got like addicted to it.
It feels like he was living in that room of his former boss like outside of the ashram routine, not in the process like all others and therefore, his heart was not cultivated and often when he went for Darshan he didn't line up and he sat outside just watching.
That explains to me why he had no self-control and he was not able to deal with the energy in the ashram and why the amok run happened, because he was not in the process like all others.
It was also a warning that we had to be careful. He would not have let us go, that was certain. It was all about control and he was too jealous and concerned that someone else could feel better than he did and about everybody felt better.
He didn't learn to control his energy in the ashram that is what happened with Darshans and Baba took care of it, because he lived in his so called friends room and he did just what he liked to do.
That lady who was later killed in the ashram and was alone in that house when we were in the mountains, she lived permanently in the ashram, she had her own room and she painted and repainted it again and again, because she somehow didn't feel okay. She tried to take usually lots of stuff with her also to the mountains. To be able to pay all the taxis she would have needed to follow Baba to the mountains she changed a big amount of money and as she was known in the village because they painted and repainted her room, someone saw it and she was followed, probably she didn't wanted to give the money to them and was hit with a bottle on her head and died from it later on in the hospital.
What does it tell me, it was also outside energy, people not in that cultivation process we all went through during Darshan and living in the ashram, it was strict and there were guidelines, they didn't learn that self-control we learnt by living in sheds and with lots of people or always with some others sharing rooms or waiting all together for Baba's Darshan, we knew how to handle the energy. But the people from outside of the ashram didn't know it and my ex was in that sense like an outsider, because he lived in his rich boss's room and he didn't line up with the others, he felt like a privileged guy, but he was not able to handle his energy and he had strange ideas about who Baba really was, he just took advantage of everything.
He went on the path of least effort also afterwards, he had learnt nothing at all, he had not changed, because he was not in the ashram routine, he just did what he wanted, that he was living in the room of his former boss was not a gift, it was a curse finally.
During big festivals we got somehow the feeling for it how Baba controlled that energy, when someone stood up and everybody followed and rushed in the hall, that was also on the level of that outburst of energy and we have to run as well if we wanted or not and were always glad to be seated finally in the Darshan ground. The energy was controlled by Baba and it was amazing how he controlled thousands of devotees, only sometimes it burst out, but we never had the feeling that it was really dangerous, but that was a different matter with my ex.
We got the taste of it, but we didn't know exactly what it was, it was just in the air.
It is kind of incredible that this guy blends out everything what has happened and he sees himself even today still as a lovely husband, when in reality we were constantly under pressure and in danger, because he didn't know what he was doing.
He showed us in the ashram that he was able to run amok and that was a warning. He didn't care who he would have killed in that amok run, hidden behind anger, vicious rage and violence and no self-control.
We women have anyhow difficulties to understand it, because that violence doesn't make halt from children as well. I was not aware that it was the outburst of an amok run when he hit my head with the pot and that this was behind when Baba said that in his daughter's dream that he doesn't know what he is doing, that he is stupid and if she goes back to him, he will not only destroy himself, but her as well.
Behind is the suppressed energy of a guy with no self-control, not knowing what he is doing and who is able to run amok, that didn't feel very good. He doesn't know what he is doing, tries to control everything and it has to be his way only and if it is not, he will enforce it with violence and by that he is able to kill everybody.
I was constantly avoiding to get into a fight with him or to challenge him, during the years we were together, waiting for a way out and it was not possible to tell him, because of the danger in the air. That is what we had left behind after Baba said in his dream that I had to come to him and make peace with him.
But for him everything was fine, he had a Baba dream that Baba sent me back to my lovely husband and his idea of it.
For me it was like a shock, because I never had a feeling that he was lovely and even less he was husband, I don't know what he was, a strange guy.
In his thought Baba was his best friend and he hoped I would go to Baba and he would get back a good wife again and in peace. It was that ridiculous, because he was the one it was not possible to live in peace with, he was constantly finding faults and arguing and I avoided it to not go in dangerous fights, as I knew I had to be careful, I said always, 'in Baba's presence it has happened, he will show a way out of it'.
After we left, we didn't go back, but I get the feeling of it only back in time and only in bits.
It was in the dream as a mud-hole and it felt real dangerous being in that mud-hole, when the rain came in the mud came in very fast, the child was gone in no time and I had to leave fast and had to let her back. It felt like an awful situation and in the background was Baba's voice and he asked, and what now?
After we had left not anymore in that energy I somehow forgot the danger, because we didn't live in that environment anymore and it is kind of difficult to remember how it really was.
But Baba was present in the dream and he said, 'amok, seven killed, today'. The same day it happened in Los Angeles, that is how I begin to remember how we had felt living together with that guy and what danger had been always in the air during the time we were together and that was after he had hit with the pot on my head it was still going on for five long years.
After we left and were with Baba, I never called him again, I was so glad to not have to listen to his voice and that is how he realized that something was wrong and in response to it in cancelling our credit card, so the peace was disturbed already again before we left the ashram, but in a sense I was glad that it happened, because it made it more obvious where the problem really was.
It is for me awful to feel that energy, the arguing and criticizing, it was all in the air yesterday with that frustrated guy after Bhajans and reminds me at the time with my ex.
That is what comes in my mind after the talk yesterday with that person and after Bhajans and in the light of those words of Baba and how I had experienced it in my own life and what he wanted to argue about, interpretation of Baba, when in reality he seems to have no idea what he is really talking about and he just wanted to argue, like my ex, he also likes to argue.
What a difference if we see the joy and happiness in the eyes of some others after singing Bhajans and getting in touch with such disturbed energy.
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