One in the spirit

In the first experience of oneness, when not possible to answer why there were problems afterwards, that was projected in - you should not - we had done something wrong, it was projected in doing. Nobody knew what it was, but something went wrong, so somebody had to be the wrong doer, and it was not the blind man, who turned out to be an enemy, put in question, it was projected on us, not clear by whom of the elders. 
But usually when there was a problem, it was answered as - you did. 
But at that time, it didn't go a way by blaming someone, because it was not the right answer. Something went wrong, there had to be a wrong doer, but it was not the right answer. As it was not a level of doing, it was a level of consciousness, and a projection into doing, the real thing got lost, no answer possible on that level and that felt like being cruscified, that level was again there in my marriage later on.
It was not even possible to talk, always troubles, and it ended with having to go and make peace with Baba. He finally told me inside, when seeing a blue light, I could go on, taking that as the right direction, and here I am.
In the parent's house it felt like, if you have those problems, you destroy a relationship, it's a mistake. When in reality one should be able to talk and share in a relationship being one. What's a relationship of use, if that's not possible?
So the real issue got lost, and the wrong doing was projected into something else, when in reality it had nothing to do with doing. It felt like finding someone to blame, finding faults, being on the level of the intellect more than on the level of the heart, and not knowing the difference. 
I read about that in Alberto Villoldos' books, if it doesn't get clear, you marry it. That's what happened to me, because it didn't get clear, I married it. But when I met him in a work-shop, he asked, if someone was there, who had married it. I felt so tired, I couldn't hold up my hand, and I felt also ashamed. 
I had married it. The issue came up when Baba was in his dream and said to him, I had to go to India to him and make peace with Baba. Even that was for him a reason to blame, to find faults, to put the finger onto others, they were wrong, never looking at himself. 
It was for me a call, what I was waiting for, years being unhappy in that relationship. It was a call in a strange dress, but nothing to blame. For me it was holy, and looking at that blame in the air, I felt shocked to be there, in that room. I had married the father, so he also pointed out and blamed, when it was in reality himself to blame. That was the mirror, and it gets visible by Baba's presence in it.

Attracting, what I don't want

The question, why a yogi created a system with TM, where unity was first experienced, but then not confirmed and the insight lost, the understanding not only not possible, but projected on a scientific level, where it never can happen, in the intellect, different to intelligence, inborn, in the self, no level of the intellect, that seemed worse than anything I ever had experienced. That was experienced as black hole.
The confirmation for those issues was projected into scientific research, into the intellect. The level confusion was presented as no problem, if you meditate. (On that level it was not only fighting to the end, hell was present and the devil too.) Follow the master, fight to the end, finish the game. 
It was waking up in a nightmare, getting lost in a black hole, living hell and never ending questions, which should not be there, because those people see themselves as invincible and without problems. They think they work with the intellect, but never ask a real question, only working on scientific research, not noticing that they constantly avoid the real problems and questions, because they think, that will be answered by that methode and projected into the future, in times to come.
In that system the - being one in the spirit - got lost. It was not a conscious insight, but seemed a means to make people dependent, to create puppets, a hidden power game, used the knowledge of the great masters just to create an illusion, just to attract more people, when in fact the real knowledge behind was never put in question, never looked at. So they lived in the idea to have everything, not aware what happened to them, lost in a brainwashed reality, in a cult, deceived by the master and the system.  

The Dalai Lama and Mankind...

Here’s a question that was recently posed to the Dalai Lama to hail the birth of 2011:

“What thing about humanity surprises you the most?” His answer was as follows:

“Man”
“Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices his money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he doesn’t enjoy the present. And as a result he doesn’t live in the present or the future.

And he lives as if he’s never going to die, and then he dies having never really lived.”